I’m at a weird point in life

[sorrymyfault]

As I'm saying in the title I'm at a weird point right now. I'm feeling fine, although I cried just some time ago I feel fine, normal, whatever that even means. Nothing changed yet I've made this subconscious algorithm in my mind I would say to make me feel like a part of a group, I never was one but my mind does that thing now that makes me connect with people that never connected with me just shy enough so I don't feel anxious all the time, it's strange but kind of works for now so whatever right.

Also I had this kind of way of life for quite a long time now of not caring if I die but still having not having cbt as an answer (at least for a couple of decades at least). I wouldn't feel panic being in a high risk situation because I've been in one and the only thing that crossed my mind is what happens if I get my clothes dirty, no joke, so if a similar situation happens ever again I'll probably filter out the risk with something dumb. Or filter out the risk with the chance of helping someone else, I don't know I want to leave at least something of value to the world before leaving.

Another thought I had is that I'm always ill or sick so I wonder is that part of poor mental health bleeding into my physical? Can someone knowledgeable explain what is happening and thank you very much for reading.

 

[lost_one]

Idk if I am correct but it feels like you are numbing yourself, I used to do that, and honestly it is a hard habit to kick (as is my SH), it is possible that you are "getting sick" ( although since you didn't specify I don't know what exactly you are refering to) because there is a a co-reletion between your emotional state (which is regulated by hormones, although it is more complicated than that) and the functioning of our immune system, and if our uimmune system is low, well that essencially means we have less defense cells and therefore are more prone to getting sick, or our body will have a harder time fighting pathogens (things like bacteria and virus that cause sickness), which may lead to developing simptoms to things our body would be able to combat without that development... But I am not an expert on the subjetc, so below I left some links to some articles on the subject:

(if you don't want to click the links I have left the names of them articles on parenthesis next to the links)

https://researchcommons.waikato.ac.nz/entities/publication/a965fb91-53d2-48d7-b716-5f0a14fbd67e ( Disentangling the impacts of anxiety, stress and depression on immunity)

https://www.sciencedirect.com/scien...HqYMSIYm5oWVnWeBD0tTYSThIkyRQyisjf5WRuzrcB5WA (Depressive disorders and immunity: 20 years of progress and discovery)

 

[human909]

I also was at a point where i felt like that, it's weird and i mean very weird feeling for me.

 

[sorrymyfault]

Idk if I am correct but it feels like you are numbing yourself, I used to do that, and honestly it is a hard habit to kick (as is my SH), it is possible that you are "getting sick" ( although since you didn't specify I don't know what exactly you are refering to) because there is a a co-reletion between your emotional state (which is regulated by hormones, although it is more complicated than that) and the functioning of our immune system, and if our uimmune system is low, well that essencially means we have less defense cells and therefore are more prone to getting sick, or our body will have a harder time fighting pathogens (things like bacteria and virus that cause sickness), which may lead to developing simptoms to things our body would be able to combat without that development... But I am not an expert on the subjetc, so below I left some links to some articles on the subject:

(if you don't want to click the links I have left the names of them articles on parenthesis next to the links)

https://researchcommons.waikato.ac.nz/entities/publication/a965fb91-53d2-48d7-b716-5f0a14fbd67e ( Disentangling the impacts of anxiety, stress and depression on immunity)

https://www.sciencedirect.com/scien...HqYMSIYm5oWVnWeBD0tTYSThIkyRQyisjf5WRuzrcB5WA (Depressive disorders and immunity: 20 years of progress and discovery)

Yeah it's hard but it is pretty much the only thing I have left, this and my cat.

When I'm saying sick I mean nose clogged all the time, sneezing on the daily, sometimes diarrhea (although that could be due to my diet) and feeling cold all the time. My hands have a weird purple-ish colour too from being cold all the time that only goes away when I use an external heat source.

I've had these problems since I got depressed so I can't link it to something else except that, maybe my diet also. Thank you for providing these studies it really means a lot, have a good one!

I also was at a point where i felt like that, it's weird and i mean very weird feeling for me.

I agree it's a very confusing feeling I guess my body is trying everything at this point

 

[inconstantprayer]

We all change and we all go through things. Don't be so hard on yourself. May you find that which will bring you happiness and truth and light and peace my friend. I think deep down we are all one somehow. time is not what we think it is. we have no idea what time is, and we are all at different parts of the same great story.

 

[sorrymyfault]

We all change and we all go through things. Don't be so hard on yourself. May you find that which will bring you happiness and truth and light and peace my friend. I think deep down we are all one somehow. time is not what we think it is. we have no idea what time is, and we are all at different parts of the same great story.

To be fair I had what kept me alive but the any positive feelings associated with that died out of me but I'll keep going, the thought of an afterlife scares the shit out of me and I don't think I am tempted from emptiness either.