toskita
Rat with internet access
- Oct 1, 2023
- 24
I've lost almost every memory of my whole life, I'm only able to remember clearly from 2022 until now, for the record I didn't have an accident or sum, according to a therapist it happened because of PTSD. Both my sister and mother were aware of the situation, and that's where it gets dark. My sister is a manipulative bitch to say the least, I'm completely sure she's mentally ill, but since she lies to everyone, even therapists there's no way to spot what's exactly her problem. Thing is, at the short age of 18 she got pregnant (willingly, she had been fantasizing about it since 15) and the father is a diabetic falopero (slang for drug addict where I'm from) that doesn't even have a stable job, plus he's poor, but the bad kind of poor, those who drop school and can't even clean their house properly. I'm poor too, my whole family is, but we make an effort and are responsible unlike him. She's the kind to always talk shit about getting some old ass man to pay everything for her, but she ended up with that guy that's the total opposite only because he goes along with her baby delusions and shit.
Due to the baby thing, which I always told her that if she ended up pregnant, I would feel extremely betrayed since I always thought I had "raised" her better, and that she's too young for that, can't even finish school and was planning on getting back to it pregnant, even going to university with the goddam baby (she didn't btw, she's too lazy for doing something else than being a TikTok addicted attention whore). A few weeks or maybe a month after she moved out of the house with her boyfriend (they had been together for like a month or less), she finally got pregnant, we were on thin ice, the news demolished me tbh, I felt like none of my efforts had been valid, I tried everything to make her understand that wasn't the right path. So it was for my surprise that after not talking to each other for a pretty long time, she contacted me to ask if I could make a fake doctor recipe for a friend of hers, it wasn't the first time she had suggested something like that, I've refused everytime since it's something I exclusively do for emergencies, never for sell and even less for someone I don't know. I got seriously pissed, so I called her to scold her for it. How could she ask something like that after not talking to me for so long, and when we did it was a pretty uncomfortable experience because she was being a bitch. We ended up on a heated argument, and I told her a few truths of her, specifically how she's always treated my mom and I as if we weren't able to feel anything, how she always does her best to terribly hurt people, I wish I could have told her more of how unbearable she is to live with because of her lies, and how no one believes in her anymore (she has lied about being SA'd 4 times, it has reached the point where she made up a whole person so her boyfriend of that time would feel pity for her, I've got multiple proof to say those are lies but that's not the point and this is getting too long), but if I said that she would have made a scandal to my mom and finally leave the family for good, thing that apparently no one wants to happen. So after yelling at each other over the phone for a while, I asked what have I ever done to her, because of what I recall I've done everything to protect her even from herself, and she responded that I've done something really terrible to her, something that ruined her completely and even troubled her to this day, specially with her relationships and shit, but never really told me what did I do. She implied that I had SA'd her, at a moment I can't remember it because it was something that happened when I was too young to remember (she used to say that whenever something before 2020-2022 was mentioned), she dared to play with my mind like that, but also used the fact that she didn't do anything more than give clues like, "I couldn't say anything because I didn't want anyone to think you were bad", "not even dad has hurted me like you did"(she mentioned a couple more people than just my father, but I only recall him because at that moment, I was still really, really hurt by him and how he attempted to sa me, she didn't know but still, hurted like hell, and felt like she totally did it with that intention), "it's a normal reaction but that doesn't mean I wasn't hurt" (trying to address when I was SA'd at 7, like I would have had replicated what happened to me, plus I'm sure she thinks I forgot about it, making it a more clever trap for her to settle since I wouldn't be able to connect the dots). So on one hand, it another of her lies and I should not worry about it, but on the other, I don't know who I was before loosing my memory, and maybe it was all my fault she ended up so messed up in the head. Plus she got my mom involved, saying that she talked about it with her not too long ago and she apologized to her for not protecting her and shit and that magically made her feel relieved about it and don't hold any more grudges against me after so many years (bullshit story tho, like it simply doesn't work like that), and suggested I could ask my mom about it and she would confirm it, it's not the first time she gets third party to our troubles, but now was a time where I didn't want to ask if it was true. To this day I'm still scared of the truth, I don't have the strength to ask my mom about it, even though I would probably feel better after she tells me it isn't true, of it doesn't convince me I would want to ctb by pure instinct.
Her story and behavior with me don't match at all, there's too many plot holes and her record doesn't help at all, but I'm still really anxious about it even after a year of that argument. We never recovered from it btw, we never text or call, and I barely attend family parties and shit so our relationship simply vanished along with my love for her.
Sorry for my bad English btw
Due to the baby thing, which I always told her that if she ended up pregnant, I would feel extremely betrayed since I always thought I had "raised" her better, and that she's too young for that, can't even finish school and was planning on getting back to it pregnant, even going to university with the goddam baby (she didn't btw, she's too lazy for doing something else than being a TikTok addicted attention whore). A few weeks or maybe a month after she moved out of the house with her boyfriend (they had been together for like a month or less), she finally got pregnant, we were on thin ice, the news demolished me tbh, I felt like none of my efforts had been valid, I tried everything to make her understand that wasn't the right path. So it was for my surprise that after not talking to each other for a pretty long time, she contacted me to ask if I could make a fake doctor recipe for a friend of hers, it wasn't the first time she had suggested something like that, I've refused everytime since it's something I exclusively do for emergencies, never for sell and even less for someone I don't know. I got seriously pissed, so I called her to scold her for it. How could she ask something like that after not talking to me for so long, and when we did it was a pretty uncomfortable experience because she was being a bitch. We ended up on a heated argument, and I told her a few truths of her, specifically how she's always treated my mom and I as if we weren't able to feel anything, how she always does her best to terribly hurt people, I wish I could have told her more of how unbearable she is to live with because of her lies, and how no one believes in her anymore (she has lied about being SA'd 4 times, it has reached the point where she made up a whole person so her boyfriend of that time would feel pity for her, I've got multiple proof to say those are lies but that's not the point and this is getting too long), but if I said that she would have made a scandal to my mom and finally leave the family for good, thing that apparently no one wants to happen. So after yelling at each other over the phone for a while, I asked what have I ever done to her, because of what I recall I've done everything to protect her even from herself, and she responded that I've done something really terrible to her, something that ruined her completely and even troubled her to this day, specially with her relationships and shit, but never really told me what did I do. She implied that I had SA'd her, at a moment I can't remember it because it was something that happened when I was too young to remember (she used to say that whenever something before 2020-2022 was mentioned), she dared to play with my mind like that, but also used the fact that she didn't do anything more than give clues like, "I couldn't say anything because I didn't want anyone to think you were bad", "not even dad has hurted me like you did"(she mentioned a couple more people than just my father, but I only recall him because at that moment, I was still really, really hurt by him and how he attempted to sa me, she didn't know but still, hurted like hell, and felt like she totally did it with that intention), "it's a normal reaction but that doesn't mean I wasn't hurt" (trying to address when I was SA'd at 7, like I would have had replicated what happened to me, plus I'm sure she thinks I forgot about it, making it a more clever trap for her to settle since I wouldn't be able to connect the dots). So on one hand, it another of her lies and I should not worry about it, but on the other, I don't know who I was before loosing my memory, and maybe it was all my fault she ended up so messed up in the head. Plus she got my mom involved, saying that she talked about it with her not too long ago and she apologized to her for not protecting her and shit and that magically made her feel relieved about it and don't hold any more grudges against me after so many years (bullshit story tho, like it simply doesn't work like that), and suggested I could ask my mom about it and she would confirm it, it's not the first time she gets third party to our troubles, but now was a time where I didn't want to ask if it was true. To this day I'm still scared of the truth, I don't have the strength to ask my mom about it, even though I would probably feel better after she tells me it isn't true, of it doesn't convince me I would want to ctb by pure instinct.
Her story and behavior with me don't match at all, there's too many plot holes and her record doesn't help at all, but I'm still really anxious about it even after a year of that argument. We never recovered from it btw, we never text or call, and I barely attend family parties and shit so our relationship simply vanished along with my love for her.
Sorry for my bad English btw
