Method I'm afraid.. but not of dying

[tony.end]

I'm afraid of the impact this could have on my parents and my brother. I don't care anymore about what other stupid people will say about me, but the thought of my parent screaming and making all those theatrical scenes it's freaking disturbing. Plus I've got some friends (very few) which will probably be badly affected by this. Even if I think they'll eventually get over it and have a nice memory about me.
So basically my fear is to hurt too much the people around me, especially my parents that are the only one bound to love me for a natural reason.
Do you think taking the distances and escaping for a while before ctb and never coming back could help not make them so hurt? If so please, if you don't mind maybe suggest something to do/somewhere in particular to go. I'm from Italy but I know english very well and a bit of spanish and a bit of french. I could take some train or plane now because I'm 18 and I got some grands saved to afford living for some time (at least 2 months and all the traveling costs). Though I'm in high school and idk if I'd better graduate before doing this.

I know I will not actually see my parents making scenes since I'll be dead but the thought it's so disturbing that I would think about it 'til the last moment, and at least I wanna go with peace. Maybe this is so annoying because a classmate from middle-school committed suicide few years back (though he was far more popular than I am) and lots of people especially his mom made terribly annoying scenes that I still remember.

My method of choice would be firearm or poisoning

Pls help me, I know we have the freedom to choose to end our lifes but it doesn't feel quite so with all the people that inevitably we'll leave behind

 

[Circles]

It essentially all boils down to you. Your fear is also one I dread the most. I have only my mother and sister and they depend on me at the moment and to kill myself would traumatize them. I hate myself for thinking about doing it but I tell myself it's my life and I'm going to die either way. My love for my family is stopping me for now but it doesn't mean I won't do it sooner or later. Lately I've been giving them hints that I might kill myself and expressed how bad I hate living. I do this to lessen the blowback from my death but at this point I realized no amount of forthcoming will ease their pain. So to me especially if you are close with your family no amount of distancing yourself or showing how depressed you are will ease their greif. Someone is going to die and somebody is going to grieve, either you or them. If your suffering outweighs your love for your family then it's your life, your choice. None of us asked to be born and if we find our existence to be burdensome then we should opt out whenever we feel like it.

 

[invisiblycrippled]

Distancing yourself for a few months before doing it will not soften the blow for your parents. That bond simply never goes away.

I think most here face this dilemma. Many people say the suicidal don't consider what they leave behind, but that is utter bullshit.

Ultimately it's the age old question, what weighs more, your suffering or theirs?
And is it fair to those suffering unbearably to be forced to keep living just so their loved ones are spared the loss?

When you die of natural causes, it takes away the burden of choice, but is it really a choice when life becomes truly unbearable? Often not, yet the burden remains. If only society could accept the right to die, it would make this so much easier for all people involved.

 

[MachineGunDani]

I'm struggling with this right now so I feel you!! I cannot stand being alive anymore but I also can't stand hurting people. I feel stuck! If I ctb I'm going to hurt important people to me but if I live I will continue to suffer greatly and it's getting worse each day that passes! I have also thought about disappearing some time before I ctb to maybe soften the blow a little but idk where I'd go. I almost feel forced to stay alive and it doesn't feel fair at all. But I'm sorry ur down And high school is a bitch lol I don't miss that place at all!! I don't really have any advice as I struggle with this myself but I wanted u to kno ur not alone!

 

[tony.end]

thank you guys for your moral backup. Though I'm in the same place it's nice to know I'm not the only one experiencing this. Basically the answer seems to be: there's no way out of this. Cool, lol

 

[MachineGunDani]

thank you guys for your moral backup. Though I'm in the same place it's nice to know I'm not the only one experiencing this. Basically the answer seems to be: there's no way out of this. Cool, lol

Lol if u find the answer let us know!