I refuse to believe in a God that allows people to suffer this much. Such God wouldn't really deserve any praise. If I have to suffer more, in another shitty life or in hell or whatever, for despising such a cruel and uncaring God, then so be it. Not to mention, Christianity is pretty much copy and paste from other older religions and teachings, so it is really hard to even entertaining the possibility of the things said in the bible being facts and not just fiction. Maybe there are gods, spirits, and stuff, but that God in specific? I doubt it.
I don't believe in afterlife because there is no evidence supporting it. Nothing. NDEs are not evidence. On the other hand, there is evidence that the self is tied to the brain, so once the brain is dead, your self is gone. With that being said, I am not saying it is impossible for afterlife or reincarnation to be a thing, it is just something that no one can prove, so there is no reason to believe in it. Entertain the possibility at most.
Anyways, if you decide to kill yourself, I hope you have peace in your final moments.