Venting I’m a Nordic loser

[g&hexmhn]

I'm a Nordic loser with close to no friends. I don't fit in anywhere, not even with the people I'm supposed to fit in with and I hate it. It seems like every person I know, online or irl, has found a place, even just one place, they fit in and can be themselves. My girlfriend lives across the world, my only school friend is one year younger than me, my other irl friends are way older than me, and I get bullied and I don't know why. I'm a weirdo, no matter how hard I try to be normal I can't. I don't know what normal is anymore. Maybe it's cause I'm trans, or the clothes I wear, but either way I don't understand it. I get yelled at by strangers for being emo, even though all I wear are hoodies and baggy clothes. People yell at me to kill myself, they say I'm weird, people think I'm a p3do just because I got held back a few grades, people even think I'm a murderer. They don't realise I'm just a normal kid (if I can even call myself a kid at my age,) wanting to live a normal life with friends.

I complain about being lonely but all I do is push everyone who ever loved me away cause my social battery is constantly 0. I was never meant to be alive which is why I constantly think about killing myself. I wasn't meant to be here, I wasn't meant to be alive.

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense. I just had to write it down somewhere.

 

[figurehead]

Where exactly are you from? My husband is a Finn, We don't live in Finland because we realised that I couldn't cope with it. Too many reasons, I won't bore you with that. Surprisingly perhaps, he's more or less the "social side" of the 2 of us. His friends in fact think I don't exist. I prefer it that way. Btw I wouldn't bother too much about having few friends. I've got 1 friend, who I tried to oust from my life more than once. We rarely meet or even more rarely speak to each other. But I'm happy with our dysfunctional attitude towards one another.

 

[g&hexmhn]

Where exactly are you from? My husband is a Finn, We don't live in Finland because we realised that I couldn't cope with it. Too many reasons, I won't bore you with that. Surprisingly perhaps, he's more or less the "social side" of the 2 of us. His friends in fact think I don't exist. I prefer it that way. Btw I wouldn't bother too much about having few friends. I've got 1 friend, who I tried to oust from my life more than once. We rarely meet or even more rarely speak to each other. But I'm happy with our dysfunctional attitude towards one another.

I'm from Norway ^^

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I'm a Nordic loser with close to no friends. I don't fit in anywhere, not even with the people I'm supposed to fit in with and I hate it. It seems like every person I know, online or irl, has found a place, even just one place, they fit in and can be themselves. My girlfriend lives across the world, my only school friend is one year younger than me, my other irl friends are way older than me, and I get bullied and I don't know why.

I have never visited any of the Nordic countries, so I only know what I have researched or have been told. I am not sure if this is true, but from my understanding: do Nordic countries - or more specifically Norway - tend(s) to be more collectivist than certain other European countries? If this is true then this could contribute to you having difficulty in finding a place, as you have put it; also: would it be even worth it to try and fit in with those who constantly reject you?

When you say that you are being bullied do you mean by your friends, or other people?

I'm a weirdo, no matter how hard I try to be normal I can't. I don't know what normal is anymore. Maybe it's cause I'm trans, or the clothes I wear, but either way I don't understand it. I get yelled at by strangers for being emo, even though all I wear are hoodies and baggy clothes. People yell at me to kill myself, they say I'm weird, people think I'm a p3do just because I got held back a few grades, people even think I'm a murderer. They don't realise I'm just a normal kid (if I can even call myself a kid at my age,) wanting to live a normal life with friends.

Wearing certain clothes does not make you an "emo", or anything else. Anybody who insults you in this way is just very ignorant; unfortunately there will always be idiots who instantly judge you based just on your appearance - or a certain stereotype. Where I live, if you are a male with long/longer hair this can cause you to be labelled as an "emo" too - they are just stupid, and looking for somebody else to target.

Where exactly are you from? My husband is a Finn, We don't live in Finland because we realised that I couldn't cope with it. Too many reasons, I won't bore you with that. Surprisingly perhaps, he's more or less the "social side" of the 2 of us. His friends in fact think I don't exist. I prefer it that way. Btw I wouldn't bother too much about having few friends. I've got 1 friend, who I tried to oust from my life more than once. We rarely meet or even more rarely speak to each other. But I'm happy with our dysfunctional attitude towards one another.

Perhaps this is slightly off topic, but if you do not mind me asking: why could you not cope with living in Finland? You have mentioned that your husband is Finnish but also social - does this mean that he is outgoing, and you are more quiet or reserved? From my understanding Finnish culture is more about keeping to yourself, so would you not thrive in it? Or it this just another stereotype or misconception that I have gathered? Maybe I have misunderstood your post - apologies.

 

[g&hexmhn]

When you say that you are being bullied do you mean by your friends, or other people?

I get bullied by other people, considering I only have 2 irl friends. But I used to have 2 others who would constantly talk shit about me behind my back, they would also talk shit about each other to me when the other wasn't around. That's mostly why I'm scared of having friends.

I am not sure if this is true, but from my understanding: do Nordic countries - or more specifically Norway - tend(s) to be more collectivist than certain other European countries?

I don't know about the other countries, but I'd say Norway is pretty collectivist. If you don't fit in with the others, whether it's how you act, look, talk, or behave, you will get bullied. I said something about the fact I used to have 2 other friends. One of them, who I think is more toxic also talked shit about another girl in our friend group, all because she was "too nice" apparently.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I get bullied by other people, considering I only have 2 irl friends. But I used to have 2 others who would constantly talk shit about me behind my back, they would also talk shit about each other to me when the other wasn't around. That's mostly why I'm scared of having friends.

I know exactly the "kind" of person who you are talking about; they are false to the highest order considering that it sounds as if they switch sides depending on who they wish to talk badly about. This is probably generic and useless advice, but when it comes to people like this it is best to avoid them completely if possible. Though this is probably not possible in your situation given that you have said you experience bullying, so I am guessing that you are forced to see them on a regular basis?

I don't know about the other countries, but I'd say Norway is pretty collectivist. If you don't fit in with the others, whether it's how you act, look, talk, or behave, you will get bullied. I said something about the fact I used to have 2 other friends. One of them, who I think is more toxic also talked shit about another girl in our friend group, all because she was "too nice" apparently.

Okay I think that I understand. So you have said that Norway is relatively collectivist, and it sounds difficult to fit in. Is there a set standard that you must follow in Norway's collectivist culture? I know that you have mentioned things such as how a person talks or acts, but are there any specific rules about this? For example: are you expected to be talkative?

Also: if the friend that you mentioned talks (or did talk) horribly about another friend for something that seems harmless then there is a chance that they were never really your friend in the first place. I know that certain people think that there are extremes when it comes to being kind or unkind, but personally I would rather somebody be "too nice" than completely awful. Besides: having a personality "type" that may clash with others does not necessarily warrant them being disliked.

 

[g&hexmhn]

I know exactly the "kind" of person who you are talking about; they are false to the highest order considering that it sounds as if they switch sides depending on who they wish to talk badly about. This is probably generic and useless advice, but when it comes to people like this it is best to avoid them completely if possible. Though this is probably not possible in your situation given that you have said you experience bullying, so I am guessing that you are forced to see them on a regular basis?

Thankfully I'm not friends with them anymore, but because of that, I was a loner for a good 6 months before I made a new friend. But I'm glad I'm not friends with her anymore and kinda acts like she's not there.

Okay I think that I understand. So you have said that Norway is relatively collectivist, and it sounds difficult to fit in. Is there a set standard that you must follow in Norway's collectivist culture? I know that you have mentioned things such as how a person talks or acts, but are there any specific rules about this? For example: are you expected to be talkative?

I'm not actually sure. Due to me being autistic, I don't understand what's normal and whats weird and it's confusing. All I know is that people have to speak and dress a certain way, I just don't know which way or why.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Thankfully I'm not friends with them anymore, but because of that, I was a loner for a good 6 months before I made a new friend. But I'm glad I'm not friends with her anymore and kinda acts like she's not there.

Being lonely can be an awful feeling if you want to have friends, but sometimes it can be preferable to be on your own than with cancerous people who will destroy you.

I'm not actually sure. Due to me being autistic, I don't understand what's normal and whats weird and it's confusing. All I know is that people have to speak and dress a certain way, I just don't know which way or why.

Fair enough. I do not understand autism well enough to give any advice unfortunately, but is there anybody that you could ask in regards to dressing and speaking?

 

[g&hexmhn]

Fair enough. I do not understand autism well enough to give any advice unfortunately, but is there anybody that you could ask in regards to dressing and speaking?

Well, I tried speaking to the school counsellor and my therapist, and both of them told me that I shouldn't worry about what other people think and that I should just be myself. Don't get me wrong, it's good advice, but it doesn't answer my question or help me much. So I'm kind of on my own when it comes to that.