Venting I'm a lost cause.

[Livingvsdying25]

Trying to finally die. But also... still tàkes so much to give up.

Fucking bullshit of being stuck in the middle. Im too much of hopless piece of shit to receive or access help(if there was even anything)

And im too hesitant or whatever to just get to death and the steps.
Well im getting there but it's def taking my brain some time.

I'm so used to grasping at straws just to find help or recovery or whatever.
Im over it.

Like try for life and support and it's a constant painful empty nothing. Reminder that I'm alone and mean nothing.


Just a fail at life thats stuck and thats why I am trying to push myself bc stuck in the middle of life and death is a fucking awful way to "live"

So yeah... it's not even per say a choice anymore. I CAN'T live like this and I CAN'T do better for my life so I HAVE to kill myself. Sounds irrational and maybe it is but doesn't change reality.

Living life while dead is horrible and eventually just makes living more and more impossible..

I dunno. I just wish I could give up fully. My hope is a miserable experience where I expect nothing to come out of my efforts. In a way I already have goven up in that way.


Suicide is a for sure reality now. I will be gone this year.
I just wish I could stop wanting a better future. It doesn't exist. Even if it does im not capable and I'll never be able to amount to anything worthwhile.

I've wasted the last 4 years just to experience more abuse and suffering FINALLY get my own place only to end it upon truly having the space to take a good look at life amd myself.


I wish it wasn't so fucking painful inside to give it all up. Ugh.

But im getting there.

 

[deathisnear]

I feel every word of this post. I feel stuck in the middle too, I want to die so bad, but it's so hard to make it happen. Finally decided on method, just need to focus hard and block everything out and do it, just easier said than done like you said. You're not alone, i hope we both find the peace we deserve

 

[Beachedwhale]

You basically just described me...

I don't really 'want' to ctb but it feels like I'm being taken there... Like I'm on a train to the bus stop lol

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate. I want to escape this world and I know the future holds nothing for me. I just dread the thought of living for many years. It is really hard to die and methods can easily go wrong so I feel trapped on this earth. I feel like I've already died in a way but I'm still existing. I wish you well, it is hard feeling like this.

 

[stygal]

I feel you @whatevertryinmeans23 :( My situation after this summer would get a lot worse and thus I am in the (irrational) mental state of really wanting to leave...some factors I brought on to myself (not really given it my all at work) others are predetermined and very bad luck (mental/physical health) but they all point into that one direction: ctb. Can't really stop it now since I acquired all the means to do it.
Now I just try to relax (which is finally happening) and "enjoy" a few more months.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, dear.
I suffered from the 3 years, totally isolated and being a useless NEET. It was hell but somehow, things can get better.

I hope you can win this battle somehow!!

Send you lots of hugs and love!!

Matt