Story im a failure

[rizzardd]

because I failed myself. at, perhaps, most of things. I have so much potential only for it to go down the drain because I can't make myself do anything at all. at first I thought I was just fucking lazy, but every laziness has a limit, mine, though, must have none. I procrastinate so much it's ruining my fucking life and i can't fucking do anything about it. I honestly even try, but here I fucking am lol. I also have OCD, which doesn't help at all, though I take Zoloft and it does make things better a bit.
my family is a wholeass another story which won't be told because it doesn't even matter. they are just shitty people, and even shittier parents is all. I'll just add that I cry real rarely, unless it's about a story, movie or sum like that, but yesterday night I was really at it. crying like a bitch alone my room. all thanks to my father.
to be honest, at this point I don't even know who is ruining my life more, them or me. I'm a graduate this year. my worst fear is to not be able to provide for myself after I graduate. because I know for sure that I won't be living with my parents or for their money, it's embarrassing and dehumanizing for me, I'd rather die, no joke. so since somewhere around 13 I set up a rule, that I'll kill myself if I won't be independent by 18 or graduation. school ends in summer.
you must be wondering why am I even here with this lameass story but the truth is, I just doubt that I'll make it. I'm not that strong. I'm almost ready to give up. to just die. I'm the only person who I'm living for, which is baffling, because I can't even get myself to work for the better future of mine. truly pathetic.

 

[carnivalforone]

i got my own place at 18 and turned 19 a few days ago i just honestly wish my parents would have been different so i could have been okay with staying at their place. ir esent them for being so bad that i felt forced to move out and make my life nothing but work to be able to provide for myself. my life is over im never gonna be on enough footing to pick myself back up since no one will ever love me enough to provide any sort of pillar to stay afloat. im alone in life and always will be. just me and myself but at least im alive? idk but i wish you luck man do your best at the very least we're here for you.

 

[permanently tired]

I feel somewhat similarly, though I'm not sure if I want to ctb from my own failures or the boredom I experience everyday or maybe a combination of both

 

[rizzardd]

i got my own place at 18 and turned 19 a few days ago i just honestly wish my parents would have been different so i could have been okay with staying at their place. ir esent them for being so bad that i felt forced to move out and make my life nothing but work to be able to provide for myself. my life is over im never gonna be on enough footing to pick myself back up since no one will ever love me enough to provide any sort of pillar to stay afloat. im alone in life and always will be. just me and myself but at least im alive? idk but i wish you luck man do your best at the very least we're here for you.

dude, that's tough, I wish I could hug you through the screen, I'm so sorry. but I think it'll get better for both of us, you know? we gotta keep it up till we can't no more, and it seems like both you and me still have something left to try. in the end of the day you got your own place! and a job! and ur only fucking 19,you've got a wholeass life ahead man. eventually you'll be able to find a better job with a better schedule and better payment. you'll maybe even find someone to love you. I'm here if you wanna talk, just know that it should get better.
sending love

 

[carnivalforone]

dude, that's tough, I wish I could hug you through the screen, I'm so sorry. but I think it'll get better for both of us, you know? we gotta keep it up till we can't no more, and it seems like both you and me still have something left to try. in the end of the day you got your own place! and a job! and ur only fucking 19,you've got a wholeass life ahead man. eventually you'll be able to find a better job with a better schedule and better payment. you'll maybe even find someone to love you. I'm here if you wanna talk, just know that it should get better.
sending love

i hope man, i hope it gets better for both of us