I’m a failure I don’t deserve to live

[karmaisabitch]

This is the truth! I failed my son. I didn't protect him I thought he was safe! I didn't know that friends can be so toxic and animals. I will never hurt my friends. I will do everything to protect my friends so this kind of mentality I had towards friendship. I didn't know! Never thought for one second that my son's friends are animals, criminals, killers, jealous, and evil. I pray every second that they get what they deserve!!! I pray for those who hurt my son to die with the most painful method. I pray for those who took my son away from me to suffer and get punished every second in their life. I pray for their life to flip upside down the way they flipped my life. Amen!!

 

[AmericanMary]

I can see the pain you're living in the way you write. I don't know the details, but I am so sorry for what you have gone through. It sounds like you are carrying a lot & my heart aches with you.

 

[sorrowful]

I'm so sorry. From what you've said, it sounds like you've experienced a cruel, cruel part of humanity. There are truly horrible people among us, and they can blend in so well we do not even notice. Sending much love. I hope you can find some peace.

 

[karmaisabitch]

I can see the pain you're living in the way you write. I don't know the details, but I am so sorry for what you have gone through. It sounds like you are carrying a lot & my heart aches with you.

Thank you so much!! A lot of pain! I'm still here I breathe I don't know how? How can someone even live with this pain?

I'm so sorry. From what you've said, it sounds like you've experienced a cruel, cruel part of humanity. There are truly horrible people among us, and they can blend in so well we do not even notice. Sending much love. I hope you can find some peace.

Thank you appreciate you! I learned that the hard way. We have evil all over

 

[It'sMyLife]

I read your other post and know about your son. I'm truly sorry for what you're going through. You said you had never considered ctb before this. Have you looked into some kind of support group or therapy? I know you must be so angry right now but you deserve a chance at least to try. I know you're a good person. I lived in rural Texas for a while and it's like going back in time 50 years. You have to drive 30 to 60 miles to get to anything of any significance so if this is your situation I know it makes it more difficult to find services.
I was 8 in 1972 when we lost my oldest brother in an accident. I'd never seen that kind of pain that my mother was in. It took her years to not feel so sad but of course there were other problems and this just compounded it so much more. Do you have family you can stay with? Or a good friend to lean on? Feel free to message me if you have enough posts. Sending you positive thoughts

 

[karmaisabitch]

I read your other post and know about your son. I'm truly sorry for what you're going through. You said you had never considered ctb before this. Have you looked into some kind of support group or therapy? I know you must be so angry right now but you deserve a chance at least to try. I know you're a good person. I lived in rural Texas for a while and it's like going back in time 50 years. You have to drive 30 to 60 miles to get to anything of any significance so if this is your situation I know it makes it more difficult to find services.
I was 8 in 1972 when we lost my oldest brother in an accident. I'd never seen that kind of pain that my mother was in. It took her years to not feel so sad but of course there were other problems and this just compounded it so much more. Do you have family you can stay with? Or a good friend to lean on? Feel free to message me if you have enough posts. Sending you positive thoughts

I'm so sorry about your brother! Thank you so much for the support and resources. I tried counseling and medications. When we found my son body I went into a panic attacks back to back so they admitted me into inpatient psych unit I was in Ativan for a while and then I was released to painful reality. I was referred to support group with compassion but I was suicidal so I left them. I have a family they are all over. My brother is here with me for a while but eventually he's going back to his work. I don't think I can live without my son. I just can't survive this pain. Right now I live one day at a time but then what? It's like I died too. It's very hard to even continue to live.

 

[theboy]

we all deserve to live