Venting I’m a bad person

[willitpass]

I am a horrible human being. I am selfish. I never say the right things even when I think I'm being helpful. I have a wonderful life yet I don't want it. I hurt myself every day when so many people would kill to not be in pain. I'm a waste of air. Of resources. I deserve to hurt. I can't think. Fuck. Today has been a horrible day to be inside of my head. Time for more medicine because I deserve the pain.

 

[AllMyDreams]

Clearly your life isn't that wonderful if your genetics and/or life circumstances led you to feeling so constantly miserable.

You need to be more gentle on yourself. You're not a waste of anything. You're lucky in some ways and that's great, but you're someone with their own challenges, just like everyone has.

 

[anhedonya]

I don't think you're a bad or selfish person, you're just in a lot of mental pain. If anything, I think you're very selfless- you're wasting away and yet you're always thinking of others. Talking to them, helping them with their health, being there for the sick, and even in the topic of what comes after, you think ahead to those who would have to see your apartment and look through your things.

I'm sorry you've had such a rough day. I think you're always doing everything you can for others and that its understandable to want physical proof of your mental pain. That's how I interpret it at least, the idea of physical self destruction to show what's mentally occurring. I hope tomorrow is easier for you. If you feel you said the wrong thing maybe a small apology would be enough? I doubt you said anything cruel or horrible- I feel the person would be willing to move past it.

Best of luck.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I am selfish.

If you truly are rise it's not like you would deserve special condemnation or punishment for being so since you wouldn't stand out sharply from everyone else. Putting yourself first isn't necessarily wrong.

. I never say the right things even when I think I'm being helpful.

I've seen you lots of things here that someone would be hard-pressed to say weren't helpful.

I have a wonderful life yet I don't want it. I hurt myself every day when so many people would kill to not be in pain.

You're nor obliged to want it no matter how wonderful it is (and ditto on what was said above). Other people's feelings on your life and how it stacks up against theirs aren't relevant.

. I'm a waste of air. Of resources.

it would take a lot to be fairly said to be a waste of air and deserving of death. Like a lot. I'm quite doubtful you rise to that threshold.