Venting I'll never know what it's like to have a happy family and it's tearing me apart

[Malaria]

I have a very dysfunctional family. There's so much abuse, it's insane. Stuff that I won't go in detail in a public space, just believe me when I say it's bad.

I'm jealous of anyone who has a good relationship with their family. The abuse, the dysfunction, the neglect, the abandonment really is tearing me apart. And it's everyone, not just my immediate family. Even my distant family is messed up, on both sides. All it has done is left an empty void in me. And I try to fill that void with things, but nothing ever fulfills me. I feel broken because of how horrible my family is. I feel so broken and alone. This is why I have BPD. This is so unfair, I didn't ask for this, it's tearing me apart and fucking me up so bad.

 

[Malaria]

This feeling is continuing tonight. I want to die. My family took my heart and stomped all over it. I want to die so badly, I just want to get it over with and end everything. I'm fucking torn into shreds. I don't know what happiness looks like. All my illusions were destroyed. I hate my family. I hate myself. I hate everything.

 

[Silent_cries]

Honestly I wish I could share my family with you, they're amazing ppl that I wish everyone could have. It feels so wrong that I'm forced to have them all by myself when other ppl needs them so much more than me. I'd much rather share them with everyone if I could. If it helps, maybe you could try to form yourself a little family here on ss? Idk, just some random idea I got rly, seen other ppl do it before on other platforms like discord tbh. Sending you some virtual hugs anyway. <3

 

[ForgottenAgain]

My family was broken when my mother died, after that it was never the same and my father brought horrible women to our home and destroyed the remnants of our relationships.

My family to me is my boyfriend and leaving my father's house was when my life started. I'm still broken but I have my boyfriend at least

 

[Jiyuurakka]

I can relate wholeheartedly, there is no longer a difference between other people and family. They all just blend into human beings, ridiculously flawed, narcissistic beyond repair, and cold hearted. A day doesn't pass by without anxiety. The silence is deafening and nothing said is genuine. Just a cycle of self perpetuating lies tossed all around, occasionally imploding itself, and superficial divisions. Play the role of a mediator and you risk hurting yourself.

 

[Unicr0n]

It shocked me when I visited a friend's house and saw like... how normal they were. They weren't trying to manipulate you. They weren't yelling at each other. They didn't berate you for doing something wrong. They didn't hit you when you did something wrong. When I started bible study and saw how well adjusted their kids were, it was super shocking. They didn't do those things to the kids either. They sat down and talked to them.
Hope you can get out of your situation soon.

 

[1MiserableGuy]

I don't know that there are "happy" families as each family has its own set of unique problems, but there are families without abuse. And where we originate is all chance. Mine was a white supremacist/anti semitic cult. I've not heard from most of them in over a decade.

 

[BojackHorseman]

I'm sorry about what your going through. My family isnt the greatest either, my father was a very abusive alcoholic and my mother was an enabler who never stopped it. My life did a complete turn when I got the fuck out of there. Are you able to move out? Friends you could split rent with? The more I distance myself from them, the better I feel. After years I have decided to talk to my mother again, but I have the confidence now to know I can just cut her out of my life again if she continues her enabling.
I know leaving can be hard and scary and impossible for some, so I am sorry if this isnt an option for you. Just remember that "family" doesnt mean shit. Family arent entitled to our time and emotions just because they are "family". Abuse is abuse no matter who its from. I wish you the best of luck and I hope your able to find a way out of your situation.

 

[JaJu]

My life did a complete turn when I got the fuck out of there. Are you able to move out? Friends you could split rent with? The more I distance myself from them, the better I feel.

This is what I need and am hoping to achieve in the near future, though unachievable it seems atm... having a friend to split the bill with would be the most ideal at this point. Glad to hear it was beneficial for you.

I know leaving can be hard and scary and impossible for some, so I am sorry if this isnt an option for you. Just remember that "family" doesnt mean shit. Family arent entitled to our time and emotions just because they are "family".

This. Family doesn't mean blood. Family means love and care.

 

[juna]

It's so sad that some of us are so unlucky to have a family where we were neglected and emotionally abused. Why do people even have kids if they can't take care of them? I am so tired of my family, now they call me every day and tell me how amazing I am as if that will make a difference. I can never forgive my mother ever. They wouldn't buy me a cake as a kid and now they tell me they will send a cake over to my place. There is a time for things and now it's too late. The things she said without any reason, no one can even imagine saying such things to their kid.

 

[untothedepths]

I know this is an old thread, but I want you to know you are not alone. My entire family is pretty much screwed up, on every side. And the few who aren't stay the hell away (I always wondered why?). They even admitted I had it bad. Whenever I am around happy families I am absolutely miserable. Its not jealousy, unless I am not aware, its more like "why fucking me?". Every, single, day I think about every little thing that has ever happened to me over and over again.

You didn't and don't deserve it. I wish you didn't have to go through this, none of you.