Ill always be miserable

[MiMif]

Just coming to terms that I'll always be miserable and perhaps im broken....my new coping mechanism is romanticizing everything....hey im a friendless loner loser but atleast im young and aesthetic. Watching k dramas of loser and depressed characters and anime help me with this.

Also recently started smoking and it does help alot. But yeah its just getting to me that I legit have no one...no one at all. If I were to die no one would notice. I spend most days talking to myself or not talking at all. I got a cactus seed and am trying to grow it to help with loneliness. I was going to get a cat but scared I wouldn't take care of it well.

I think ive reached the stage if acceptance. Tho I still want to hold on till im 25. For now im just working, getting money, trying to get an education (thanks financial aid), and trying to distract myself. Someday the depression is so strong I font know what to do. My only friend was a guy I met online but he attempted and then stopped answering my calls so I can only assume he's dead now....I lowkey might follow soon but im trying reslly hard to hold on. Im not sure what im holding onto but once I get my dream job if im still miserable im genuinely gonna get a gun and blow my shit

 

[dirkw83]

Cigarettes can be so comforting... I miss smoking sometimes, especially in the morning with coffee. It's a young person's thing tho and I'm old =/ Anyway do what you can to make life bearable, ctb'ing is a tough solution.