Hard determinism cuts this question out in the logical sense but I can still answer it. Up until recently I was very focused on finding love, not so much anymore. Now I would just "regret" that I lost my strength and became weak.
That's definitely a regret of mine since i'm in this mess because of that, I mean it's gotten progressivel worse over 8 years with my lazyness going rampant and my procrastination just destroying my life, but now as I'm looking at the end and as a cinephile myself, the fact that I've never really been with someone, had a girlfriend or had a best friend since i was 12 has shown me that as my life is about to end soon, I really have had no intense and important connection in my past, someone I can truly confide in, someone I don't need to hide from. I think maybe the reasoning behind the start of my lack of strength is the lack of connection in my life. Maybe I needed that person to get some strength from since I know I can't get it from myself anymore. I feel that may have been the source to all my regrets and problems.
I am sorry u feel that way, but i know how alone that can feel, i have I would say many friends and oftentimes i thought I have that particular close connection to one of them- only to get disappointed later that i actually made that strong bound up in my head? or I am just such a needy person..with to high expectations? idk I cant claim i know what u went trough or how u actually feel. But I know feeling lonley hurts...
loves and hugs, though i still hope u give yourself another chance. But i respect no matter what ur decision will be
Yeah I guess, it's partly my fault as I do put a shell to protect myself. I don't think I tried hard enough. I also wish I didn't go through what I went in middle school and high school which is what made me have this shell in the first place. I did have friends but never close friends since I was 12 and that might have been the problem since I don't have anyone I feel I can really talk to. I definitely envy people with best friends or girlfriends. Maybe if I had one girlfriend in the past, I wouldn't see the whole thing as essential but I guess being a cinephile and movies in general made me see things this way, that intense or close connections are important. The only thing I can say is that is a good thing now since when I ctb, I won't hurt as much people outside of course of my family.
I guess I would love to give myself another chance but I've thought it through ong and hard and I know I would be selfish either way from going or staying so it doesn't matter, i'd rather be selfish for the shorter term than for all my life and relying on people that I shouldn't rely on at my age.
I lost what made my life worth living on the cusp of adulthood, it burns me when I think about. I have missed out on so much growth and normal life experiences.
I am sorry you feel like you have never lived. Isolation is soul crushing. I hope you can experience connection with someone in your life.
I'm very sorry about that.
And unfortunately it's too late for me to have that connection I desire but in a way it's a positive as I won't be able to hurt that person when I go.
Being a stereotypical dad, nuclear family and all. Maybe watching future movies and shows if there turns out to be some really good ones after I die.
Yeah I definitely have that regret as I know it's the main reason I do not want to ctb which is all I'll be missing after I'm gone from great movies and shows. There is this new avatar studio that I really wish I could see to fruition but unfortunately I know I won't see anything from it. AT least I tell myslef that in the end , it won't matter since It's very likely I won't have any memory of what I'm missing after I ctb.
The fact of planning to CTB is what makes me to don't regret things. I did a lot of mistakes and I'm still doing it for every breath I take but I don't feel bad. All the things that made me feel sorry I have been fixing them over time in one way or another and now I have a strange feeling of full inner peace. For future things I don't even care, like missing shows or losing oportunities because I'm gonna be already dead, who cares about future if there's no hope.
I would say what you wrote in the last part is what doesn't hold me back since I most likely would not remember what I would be missing out but there's still a hint of regret of missing those things until i ctb and not think about it anymore.
I regret not being nicer to people when I was younger. :( In my teen years, I've said things I really regret saying that I realize are really insensitive. I lied a lot in elementary school to get people to like me and it all backfired and I had no friends. So I just wish I was kinder and more empathetic. But because of that experience, I want to leave a kinder mark on people.
There's 3 moments I wish I was kinder when I was younger and I feel the chaos I got when I was in middle school or high school feels like karma for those situations. I always look at films and shows to act more kind in life but reality is often disappointing. I always think of those 3 moments and while they wouldn't seem that bad for other people, they really seem awful to me since it goes against all my philosophy of who I wanted to be. But unfortunately time travel doesn't exist.
I regret not having found true love during my life. For the relationships I did have, I would have done things so differently. If I had, I wouldn't find myself in the awful position I'm in of having to contemplate ctb at all.
Being in true love. I was in several relationships but they were not even close to the love.
Yeah that's how I feel as well. I never had a past girlfriend or really been with someone at night so I really feel like I missed out on those past connections. I also feel if I had a very close connection of any kind either through friendship or relationship when I was younger I could have started to turn my life around and not start this vicious circle of procrastination that I am in right now. Maybe having someone who values me this way would have made me see the good in myself more and made me actually do things in life.
