Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,398
I'm very jumpy and my eyes are constantly scanning my surroundings but in an anxious way. I'm also always tense.

I need euthanasia.
 
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rabbithole

rabbithole

Experienced
Oct 26, 2020
271
My ptsd has manifested as just severe debilitating depression...not showering for days, sitting in one spot for hours not even watching tv, crying if my dad or sister talk to me. I just shrunk down really small I think as a survival instinct after all my trauma. It's medical trauma and it's ongoing. I feel like I am traumatized again each day.

i also need euthanasia. I sincerely wish you peace. Is there anything in life that brings you comfort?
 
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,299
I try to make myself smaller if he can see me, sort of hunch over and look down, cannot look at him and I am scared when he moves around. Especially when he cuts his nails, I know he must be going to the Abomination so my stomach churns with terror. When he is partying on zoom with the Abomination and the rest of the cult, I cannot move because of fear. Do those things count?
 
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Squiddy

Squiddy

Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams
Sep 4, 2019
5,903
Extremely depressed and nightmares, though since taking weed in the past 5 days, my ctb thoughts have almost been nonexistent and I haven't had a bad nightmare. I don't know how long this will last, but I'm enjoying it. I hope all of you can find peace somehow :hug:
 
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feast or famine

feast or famine

Tell Patient Zero he can have his rib back.
Jun 15, 2020
313
I'm also very jumpy. Any noise that's relatively loud makes me react pretty intensely. I'm always on edge and tense. All of these things make me isolate myself because it's just generally easy to be alone where I don't have to fear anything.
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

Do what's best for you 🕯️ Sometimes I'm stressed
Jul 1, 2020
6,828
paranoia but its mostly internal where i get to live through it, something similar or revenge every day
 
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K

Kat!

Elementalist
Sep 30, 2020
838
I'm very jumpy and my eyes are constantly scanning my surroundings but in an anxious way. I'm also always tense.

I need euthanasia.
I can't close my eyes in the shower, I sleep as far as I can under my blanket, I hate the dark, and I constantly look behind me as well.
I don't know why I'm like this but I feel this post a lot.
 
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Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,398
My ptsd has manifested as just severe debilitating depression...not showering for days, sitting in one spot for hours not even watching tv, crying if my dad or sister talk to me. I just shrunk down really small I think as a survival instinct after all my trauma. It's medical trauma and it's ongoing. I feel like I am traumatized again each day.

i also need euthanasia. I sincerely wish you peace. Is there anything in life that brings you comfort?
I didn't know it could manifest that way. I have depression like that too. I can't follow a daily routine of getting ready without burning myself out in the process.

I rent a room and generally it's the only place I'm in. I'm never fully relaxed even in there. Sometimes it feels like a prison though. It's weird. People have killed themselves for far less and yet it's not easy for me because I just want to be happy.
 
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rabbithole

rabbithole

Experienced
Oct 26, 2020
271
I didn't know it could manifest that way. I have depression like that too. I can't follow a daily routine of getting ready without burning myself out in the process.

I rent a room and generally it's the only place I'm in. I'm never fully relaxed even in there. Sometimes it feels like a prison though. It's weird. People have killed themselves for far less and yet it's not easy for me because I just want to be happy.
I'm also hyper vigilant and paranoid but mostly I'm just half dead with severe debilitating depression. I'm sorry you experience this too.
I completely understand just wanting to be happy. Unfortunately I know that's not in the cards for me because of my disability...or at least I haven't figured out how it might be possible yet. I think chronic pain and happiness just don't go together. Have you exhausted all options to perhaps become happy, or at least content? Happiness is fleeting so it's hard to maintain but content and fulfilled is possible.
 
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Samsara

Samsara

Experienced
Mar 9, 2020
246
Chronic suspiciousness of others, viewing the world as a dangerous place, intense rage, and difficulty feeling connected to others
 
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Good4Nothing

Good4Nothing

Unlovable
May 8, 2020
1,865
Mostly depression, but I don't deal with conflict well at all. Fight or flight kicks in and my brain short circuits and I don't know what to do.

I'm perfectly fine around around normal people, but I'm like a cornered wolverine around manipulators. I know when I'm being manipulated, but I don't know how to deal with it. I become paralyzed with rage.
 
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CalmStrikeofMercy

CalmStrikeofMercy

Detatched Observer.
Dec 8, 2019
79
Disrupting social orders to find my way back to civil society.
I ruminate a lot. Social blunders due to the pressure put on by society...doing things without thinking.
Physical therapy. Mapping an area to get used to having freedom and freedom of thought. Exercising, if you will.
Was thrown into a black market at 12 and has been hectic finding my way back.
Scanning the lay of the land and seeing how bad the current state of affairs are in the U.S. Seems lawless, wild, full of disease, murder, rampant child abuse, Children being born with birth defects. They seem to be highly sexualized with very bizarre sexual attitudes. Stalkers for days. Black markets for days. Extra-judicial punishments. Pretty sure socialism is trying to become the new norm. People keep trying to buy me. Groans of over-population. Apparently marriage is a dead institution. Nearly everyone has some kind of mental disease. Sizeable portion of the citizenry is on some kind of psychotropic. Hackers for days. Social engineers for days. Everyone and their gma is a spy. Money laundering for days. 1:3 are on probation. Highest prison population. Fostercare for days. Police are killing civilians. Not sure how many people can identify the structure of the government. Non-stop drug war. Rape kits for days. Torture/cruel and unusual punishment in the jails. Seems like civil war. People attacking from out of country. People attacking from within. Hired hitmen. Sexpionage. Apparently there are cults. Bunch of organized hate groups. Slander and libel Pretty sure I am a bi-product of mkultra. People being abusive. Hard to be 1 when it is wild.

People go high and low.
Pay to get help...they do not deliver the services I need to get on track.
Pretty sure we are in a simulation.
Beginning to believe I am being drugged.
 
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stygal

stygal

low-wage worker
Oct 29, 2020
1,732
I get panic attacks out of the blue when my brain senses something that could be associated with the incidents. For example a certain smell, a song playing on the car radio or if I think I saw a person involved (which never was the case after). I basically start shaking and can't move for several minutes. Sometimes I also get dizzy and sick. Sometimes I have to urge to "self-harm". It's very stressful as you never know when it's going to be next. I really feel ashamed when it happens because nobody/nothing can help me.
 
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signifying nothing

signifying nothing

-
Sep 13, 2020
2,553
Hyper vigilant, tense, extremely hard to trust anyone, sometimes depression, sometimes mania, mostly can't feel very much in the way of emotions. Numb.

Bodily it feels like I have tons of stress on and inside of me, shoulders, back, head and face are the worst.

Self harm, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks.

Feels like I'm being retraumatised frequently, think my ptsd is so pervasive there is no way out - everything has become associated with what happened.
 
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Weary Soul

Weary Soul

Soon I will be free
Nov 13, 2019
1,156
I have become frozen and agoraphobic. But my mind is still free and plagues me constantly. Sometimes I want to go back to the time I had amnesia, but that too is terrifying.
 
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M

Moon Flower

I'll soon be sleeping sound
Oct 14, 2019
536
I have an extremely exaggerated startle response (which everyone around me finds just hilaaaaaarious)
Mostly I have nightmares though
 
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succor

succor

tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down
Oct 28, 2020
104
Very depressed, easy to startle, I have bouts of time where I can't stand being touched even if the touch is harmless or affectionate. I engage in risky behavior in order to try and recreate my trauma as a form of self harm. I pick at my fingers and nails until they bleed. My shoulders and neck are constantly tense. I am hypervigilant to sound. Being in large crowds makes me incredibly anxious. Catatonic depression that allows me to lay in one place for hours and hours and completely dissociate and mentally check out. A lot of things.
 
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S

Symbiote

Global Mod
Oct 12, 2020
3,101
I disassociate, my body gets cold, even a hot shower can't warm it up. My eyes are downcast to the floor and I look lifeless. My heart also slows down and my breathing becomes shallow.
 
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SHThrowAway213

SHThrowAway213

That's the hell I live with
Apr 19, 2018
658
It doesn't affect me as bad as it does.
I jump quite easily, I don't sleep that well and I'm quite alert, especially at night.
I also get extremely mad whenever someone gets too close to me.
I also forgot, I can't shower or brush my teeth, and I have to sleep with a light on
 
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degeneratewaste

degeneratewaste

dressed for the grave.
Aug 24, 2020
264
disclaimer: I do not have diagnosed PTSD, but I do have a lot of the symptoms of it which developed after a traumatic event. I experience flashbacks mostly in the form of nightmares about my abuser, which often make me fear and put off sleeping. these come and go; sometimes I don't get them for a while, but specifically when I am experiencing a lot of stress in my life or something related to the event pops up, it will present itself in my dreams/day to day life.

I am always dissociating to some degree, but it can increase in severity, especially if something triggers me in particular. I am extremely jumpy and have adverse reactions to loud noises, often including outbursts of tears. I'm always tense, specifically around new male figures and find it difficult to trust them. I can also freeze up and get panic attacks throughout day to day life.

depression is something else that affects me, so I do have other symptoms obviously but things do overlap. but these are the most obvious presentations. I am trying to seek treatment as I do suspect post traumatic stress disorder in myself, but mental health care is terrible and keep delaying my appointments. but yeah, that's my input I guess.
 
D

Deleted member 14573

.
Feb 2, 2020
227
- I have nightmares everyday, usually intense. I used to I wake up with scratches and bruises on my face and chest.
- I am very easily startled by sudden movements and noises.
- I have intense self-hatred.
- I have a strong need to protect myself from non-existent threats. Maybe this is paranoia of some kind.
- I get sudden panic attacks.
- Sometimes I hear my mum screaming my name, even though she's not there.
- Generally feel distressed.
 
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Throwmyselfaway

Throwmyselfaway

Not gone yet but soon
Jan 14, 2020
798
I freeze up at loud noises. It is very obvious. I have to fight from hiding
 
FatalSystemError591

FatalSystemError591

{He/They}
Oct 12, 2020
229
Hyperviligant, paranoid, tense all the time and muscles are always locked up like a permanent fight or flight with the body stuck in both. Loud noises and violence from males turn me into a deer in the headlights. Always cautious to avoid triggers. During an episode I feel like I change into another person.
 
Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,398
Check my thread in Recovery all you comrades who lie on the burning floor of Hell. Reminds me of when Lucifer and the demons were cast onto it in Paradise Lost.
 
NekoNomNom

NekoNomNom

There is no right to heal the wrong
May 3, 2020
248
I pretty much had to act like Anne Frank while living with my mother. Any little bit of loud noise (or anything that she found even a little bit upsetting) would send her flying upstairs and practically kicking my door in to scream at me. It's been over two years since I've moved out, but I still jump whenever I hear noise outside of a door in whatever room I'm in, even if I'm not at home.

PTSD, man...
 

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