If you had the option to no longer want to Ctb would you choose life?

[Catching_the_bus]

Personally for me the answer is no... I see no valuable meaning to life and existence as I have seen how cruel this world can be first hand. In my personal opinion I believe we were put on this earth for no other reason then to be tortured so I would still chose eternal sleep... However I am curious if anyone would choose life over Ctb if given the option. If you had a "normal" life would you still choose to Ctb?

 

[Himalayan]

If i had a normal life there would be no reason to ctb, for sure.

 

[wish_to_live_again]

Personally I would choose to live. I had what many would call a normal life before becoming ill. I was truly happy. I would give anything to go back in time but that's of course impossible. Still trying to figure out whether I can continue in my present state.

 

[GasMonkey]

If I were a young GigaChad with optimal health, I wouldn't CTB.

 

[GloomySpark]

The desire to leave this world seems more like a symptom of life conditions, and as exhausting as it can be, no longer feeling that wouldn't resolve anything. There are instances in which one is not actively thinking about it, yet still miserable and suffering. Maybe if it came with a magic wand to erase or change things for the better.

 

[Amakishiyo]

A happy life and dying later is better than a sad life and dying early.

 

[trist]

i also wouldn't choose life because i just don't see any value in living, whether i'm happy or severely depressed. i just feel like nothing anyone ever does/feels matters and i can't convince myself otherwise.

 

[incorporationated]

Definitely yes. I want to keep pushing and try to get better, and I want to reach for the light at the end of the tunnel. There's people I want to live for, and people that live for me, if I could not want to CTB then I could see if life gets better or not, either way the people who love me will still be there, so life would still be a little tolerable.

 

[PurpleParadigm]

I can keep struggling against myself like I did for many years but as I grow older it gets harder, and there is a kind of deminishing returns on what more I can get for the amount of struggle I put in.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

If i had a normal life there would be no reason to ctb, for sure.

What this guy said

But every choice is meaningless in the end, nothing really mattress

 

[iwantdeath6969]

no, living as myself is an infinitely worse fate than death. i am incapable and stupid in every way possible, and there's nothing at all that i can do to live a life worth living as myself. being born as who i am is the problem, and there's no external factors that can change that. as they say: you can't fix stupid

 

[grimreaped]

Nah for me, I know no one really gives a shit about me. When they say they care about me etc.. They just care about the aesthetic of me, particularly that it would be unaesthetic if I ctb. Real change doesn't happen from carrying on, the world only changes when you burn shit down and break the illusion of society. The only way I can do that without hurting anyone is to ctb.

 

[outrider567]

Personally for me the answer is no... I see no valuable meaning to life and existence as I have seen how cruel this world can be first hand. In my personal opinion I believe we were put on this earth for no other reason then to be tortured so I would still chose eternal sleep... However I am curious if anyone would choose life over Ctb if given the option. If you had a "normal" life would you still choose to Ctb?

No possibility of a 'normal life' after her death

 

[Storyteller]

I would definitely choose life. In all honesty, I don't mind the difficulties and obstacles in life, they made me feel alive, especially when I overcome them. I feel like I always had a fighting spirit, it just didn't unfold because I have been shushed down whenever I tried to stand up for myself and have been villainized for "bad behavior".
So I grew up a meek and shy person without ability to speak about my views and interests, which weren't bad and could've inspired someone. Or I wished for it to be so. But no one took me seriously. I was shushed by elders and underappreciated by peers and friends. It led to never ending ambivalence if I was really a good person like that or it was my delusions that I twisted myself.
But no matter how much I've tried to convince myself to agree with other people to forget about "silly stuff", I could never do that and I know for sure I don't want to. This is why I don't feel welcomed in this world and I'd rather perish than live a false life like the rest.

 

[glitterypearls]

I'd choose to live. I see how happy life can be if you have a normal life, no trauma, no mental disorders, no abuse. some people grown up as kids having a very happy childhood, then happy teen life, then happy adulthood. no trauma. no abuse. no illnesses. to those people life can be very very happy this is why most of the people think that suicide isn't "the answer" because they just cant understand that someone choose to ctb when life can be this good. if I had those people life. I'd choose to live.

 

[FuneralCry]

No matter what I would never choose life. I'm not blinded by delusions to the point that I would wish to exist in this chaotic world filled with risks and harm, where suffering is inevitable and where we are only destined to decay from age. Life is something disgusting, futile and unnecessary and it's a curse to be burdened with existence. To me, non existence is perfection and I see suicide as being self care, I see so much beauty in the thought of choosing to permanently leave life behind and to be at peace from all the problems that existing causes.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Um, yeah.

 

[Cthelll’s_tENDrils]

As toxic as it might be, I think I want to want to die. For me it's about shame and "glory" or the feeling that the version of my life I'm now forced to live is insufficient and too mundane to bother doing. What's lost is weighing on me too much, destroying me.

I'm on a trajectory that ends with me killing myself because of pride, and I think I've actually somehow cultivated the personality to be able to do it. The only way I'd choose to live is if you gave me a time machine and/or made me absurdly attractive.

 

[bangimout]

As toxic as it might be, I think I want to want to die. For me it's about shame and "glory" or the feeling that the version of my life I'm now forced to live is insufficient and too mundane to bother doing. What's lost is weighing on me too much, destroying me.

I'm on a trajectory that ends with me killing myself because of pride, and I think I've actually somehow cultivated the personality to be able to do it. The only way I'd choose to live is if you gave me a time machine and/or made me absurdly attractive.

Do you know where that sense of pride comes from? It could help you get rid of it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Hmm, not sure if I've misunderstood. Do you mean- would I want to banish my suicidal thoughts and just accept my life? Not really. I've had ideation to varying degrees for 33 years. I don't experience these thoughts as intrusive. They are normal for me and they feel wrapped up with my pessimistic character!

Or- do you mean- do I wish my life was better so that I didn't have these thoughts anymore? I don't know to be honest. I can't really imagine having anyone elses life but my own. For me to be really happy I think I'd have to go right back to infancy. My Mum wouldn't die and maybe my life would have taken a different course. Still- the thought of more life rather than less isn't at all appealing. It's all too much effort to be honest! I'm tired of trying.