Discussion If you died tomorrow, would you be satisfied in those last seconds that you'd done all you wanted?

[Forever Sleep]

I didn't know where to post this. It felt too positive for the suicide section and I'm too negative for the recovery section! So I aimed for the more neutral off topic. Even though, it's quite on- topic! I guess mods can move it if they want- please.

How do you feel? If it came about that you died tomorrow, any regrets in those last few seconds? Anything you wished you had done? Any reason you're not doing those things now?

'Live every day like it was your last' type of thing. I always thought that was ridiculous. Like many people would turn up for work or do housework or their tax return on their last day on earth! It's not like we can have a ball everyday! Life might actually be ok if we could! But- as a principle, how do you feel? Are you ready to leave yet?

I still have things I'd be interested in doing. Places I'd like to see or- see again but I think I am reaching this calmness that I've already enjoyed a lot of stuff in life. I'm not exactly unhappy with my last days- if they are to be my last days. I think that's where those who suicide are fortunate actually- we get a winding down period where the stresses all the normies face don't apply so much- work, work, work, pension, concerns about old age and illness, concerns about the future in general. It's been nice to wave goodbye to all that. Now- I just need to summon the courage to do it- when the time comes but mentally, it's been good.

Like a consolodating of what I really want out of life and the realisation that certain things are near on impossible and likely not worth the hassle. Others are nice to enjoy in the moment but can't sustain the majority of a life that I don't want to participate in. So, in my mind anyway, I feel I'm done. What about you?

 

[marina]

Sorry if this sounds really too depressing for ot or this thread.

I think when I was a child I put too much confidence in a "god" or "purpose" and forgot how to live for myself, and now I perceive myself as a hostage to the people who love me and really have no personal desires to see anything or achieve anything, although I will often spend time thinking about what I could achieve or create or see or where I could express my love. I think it's a consequence of hyper-individualism in the 2020s, and nothing feels remotely meaningful enough to justify the bad. It would be nice to write a book or draw or create for the abstract ideas I care about supporting, and provide comfort to people like me.

I can't imagine what a personal regret would sound like for me; "I should have drawn more". When I was ~7 my SI kicked in and made me think of my unborn child. My genes are pretty awful for a child, and if they grew up diseased and wanting to kill themselves like their dysfunctional mom it would all have been selfish

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sorry if this sounds really too depressing for ot or this thread.

I think when I was a child I put too much confidence in a "god" or "purpose" and forgot how to live for myself, and now I perceive myself as a hostage to the people who love me and really have no personal desires to see anything or achieve anything, although I will often spend time thinking about what I could achieve or create or see or where I express my love. I think it's a consequence of hyper-individualism in the 2020s, and nothing feels remotely meaningful enough to justify the bad. It would be nice to write a book or draw or create for the abstract ideas I care about supporting, and provide comfort to people like me.

I can't imagine what a personal regret would sound like for me; "I should have drawn more". When I was ~7 my SI kicked in and made me think of my unborn child. My genes are pretty awful for a child, and if they grew up diseased and wanting to kill themselves like their dysfunctional mom it would all have been selfish

There's no need to apologise about being too negative here! That's kind of why I posted here rather than the suicide or recovery section- I thought it would likely elicit answers that were in the extremes and piss the other section off! Here- both sides can respond.

Yes- that makes sense to me. I think it's important to determine what we want for ourselves rather than what we feel we ought to achieve or want.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I would say I lived my life until I failed in life. From today's point of view I could have done much more but now I have no means to do what I haven't done yet - there is no use in wasting energy for sth that I won't be able to reach anymore even with some efforts if there is not that little bit of luck in life that is needed for everything.

From this point of view I wouldn't regret anything / miss anything what I haven't done yet, if I died (naturally) tomorrow.

 

[TooConscious]

Having disease that forced me to face the possibility of dying 'naturally' when I was young, and putting myself into positions where I've almost died... I understand that the mental state of these human vehicles can change drastically when we feel we've lost control of a situation.
So when your hearts pounding away trying to force blood around your shutting down body you can have some different thoughts about life.

But to answer your thread directly, I think my recent years I have become much more self aware and try to impact existence much less than I used too, I used to just float through with a deathwish consuming drugs and food and telling myself I was justified to do that until I die because life shouldn't have made me feel so bad.
But now I do as little harm to others as I possibly can and do what I can to be gentle and kind despite harnessing alot of aggression due to my life.
I'm not a good person but I'm no longer one of the bad willfully ignorant people like so many.
I would be content that I've tried somewhat. But I'm still fighting resentment which is miserable.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I didn't know where to post this. It felt too positive for the suicide section and I'm too negative for the recovery section! So I aimed for the more neutral off topic. Even though, it's quite on- topic! I guess mods can move it if they want- please.

How do you feel? If it came about that you died tomorrow, any regrets in those last few seconds? Anything you wished you had done? Any reason you're not doing those things now?

'Live every day like it was your last' type of thing. I always thought that was ridiculous. Like many people would turn up for work or do housework or their tax return on their last day on earth! It's not like we can have a ball everyday! Life might actually be ok if we could! But- as a principle, how do you feel? Are you ready to leave yet?

I still have things I'd be interested in doing. Places I'd like to see or- see again but I think I am reaching this calmness that I've already enjoyed a lot of stuff in life. I'm not exactly unhappy with my last days- if they are to be my last days. I think that's where those who suicide are fortunate actually- we get a winding down period where the stresses all the normies face don't apply so much- work, work, work, pension, concerns about old age and illness, concerns about the future in general. It's been nice to wave goodbye to all that. Now- I just need to summon the courage to do it- when the time comes but mentally, it's been good.

Like a consolodating of what I really want out of life and the realisation that certain things are near on impossible and likely not worth the hassle. Others are nice to enjoy in the moment but can't sustain the majority of a life that I don't want to participate in. So, in my mind anyway, I feel I'm done. What about you?

About the same: there are things i would have liked to do but am unable to due to external limitations, but all things considered I am still grateful for the experience of having lived this long. Some good experiences, some bad, some tiring, some funny, some sad.

I guess, it's kinda like...you know those taster platters some restaurants have? like it has a bit of everything so you can decide what you want? It's exactly that, in a way.
I tried the platter and I know the dish that I want, but they tell me I can't have it for one reason or another. So i'm like "oh, okay, thanks, check please?" instead of "oh how about (insert dish name), is this available?"

 

[Darkover]

hell no not even close to doing what i would want this reality is shit and these machines are even worst