If you could change one thing in your life, either past or present... Could you let go of ctb or is it inherently linked to so many things that would be impossible to change?
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Honestly I think it would just be impossible cause I don't see the worth or the effort in living. So the only thing I wish I could change vigorously is that I was never born, which is impossible. Chemical imbalance maybe? So what, life isn't for everybody just like how everyone has a different opinion. We already sleep over 1/3 of our lives hell make that half for me so why not die and sleep forever instead of waking up constantly in a hell that asks too much of you and gives nothing in return to compensate for the pain of existence.
muretax
Alien
- Nov 13, 2018
- 81
For me it's linked to so many things since I was a very young toddler and it's so deeply embedded in me that even changing a few things won't matter
gingerplum
Enlightened
- Nov 5, 2018
- 1,450
Yes. Absolutely. I can pinpoint the moment in time where I made the decision that caused my life to unravel; if I could go back and change that, I would have a life worth living.
I feel very guilty that I brought a child into this world, albeit inadvertently. People might find it hard to believe but I was psychotic when I conceived and psychotic for most of the pregnancy and was unaware of my condition until it was too late to do anything about it. I can't forgive myself. I have tried but the guilt is overwhelming, also the guilt of wishing my child hadn't been born. Life and our biology is a trap in itself.
So possibly if I could go back to being child free I might find the strength to live knowing that at least I hadn't inflicted this on another being...
So possibly if I could go back to being child free I might find the strength to live knowing that at least I hadn't inflicted this on another being...
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I honestly feel doomed to begin with. I could change the superficial reasons that bug me at the moment but I could never change my core being.
Yes if i could go back 6 or 7 years id still want to live
Sigh absolutely. Really 2 things but one in specific that I made worst decision of my life and well now I'm here trying to get n from a. How fast our lives can change. God I wish I never did this. Its like a BAD dream everyday. Keep hoping I'll wake up and it is different and better but its not. I know its gonna hurt my family but I refuse to live like this. Glad to have found this site.
Smilla
Visionary
- Apr 30, 2018
- 2,549
Great question.
There is no going back for me, and most importantly all desire is gone except the desire to ctb and clean up my affairs.
It's inherently linked to so many facets of my existence (work, love, friendship, family) and indeed existence itself (I see the world as a barren hopeless place and have an extremely pessimistic worldview).
There is no going back for me, and most importantly all desire is gone except the desire to ctb and clean up my affairs.
It's inherently linked to so many facets of my existence (work, love, friendship, family) and indeed existence itself (I see the world as a barren hopeless place and have an extremely pessimistic worldview).
Im sorry its no life to live right? Its like waking up and living in hell every day right? No one understands. Its crazy going from not wanting to die to not being scared to not be living at all. Like I picture me dead and asking would I have changed my mind? It is crazy to say I nope. This is our lives now. Stupid decisions that you can't take back suck. What was I thinking?
Redt2go
flower child
- Jan 5, 2019
- 1,643
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