dragontale14
Sufferer
- Jul 17, 2023
- 41
I'm like, 5 minutes away from jumping out of a window (headfirst) and, if there is any God out there, dying.
And you know what? I hope this is my last time "trying" because killing myself has been the hardest thing that I ever had to do. And it's not even the SI (that's a lot, too, though, don't get me wrong), it's just the act itself. The human body is so fucking resilient, it's insane. I've tried to kill myself about 4 times and it's NEVER worked... obviously... and that's just the times that the attempt was "successful." For example, when I've tried in the past to hang myself I've never been able to even do that right, and so I don't pass out and by the end, it's so uncomfortable I have to slip out and try again (this is referring to partial, obviously). I'm not even that fat but if I tried full I have no doubt that the bar or whatever the rope is secured onto would break.
Do any of these pro-life dipshits understand that killing yourself is an ENORMOUS decision, and when most people actually complete it, it's NOT the easy way out. I'm about to try huffing some paint thinner in order to make it easier for me to jump, but even that is just a testament to how difficult it actually is. I have nothing to live for, I struggle every single fucking day of my life, and even then I'M the person that's talking me off the ledge, I'M the person who can't stand to pull the trigger (figuratively, I actually wish I had a gun). Does anybody know how HARD it is to get SN or whatever off the deep web now? Having to go through all of that crypto shit and then you can't even figure it out and the connection keeps timing out before you can even buy the stuff, assuming you figured out the crypto thing. AND IT'S EXPENSIVE, MEANWHILE, WE'RE IN SOME KIND OF GLOBAL RECESSION EVERY 5 MINUTES??????
I don't know, Like I said I'm gonna try to huff some paint thinner and if that doesn't kill me in itself, hopefully, I'll be out of it enough to not care about the jump or get cold feet. If people actually took a second to think or had even one ounce of empathy in their entire bodies, they'd realize that committing suicide is no joke, nor is it an easy task. I'm so scared that my body will survive this too and I'll just end up paralyzed and more fucked up than before, but it's still worth a try to me because what other options do I have? Life is cruel, people are cruel, this world is an evil place and I'll ONLY be finally happy when I'm six feet under.
If there are any pro-torture fuckers reading this, I hope you know that you're the worst. I hate you, maybe even as much as I hate myself because this is what you've done to me by denying us a peaceful way to die by not even having MAD in most countries yet, certainly not for irreparable mental damage. YOU are the reason I have to do this. I'm just hoping that nobody like, comes out of nowhere and I land on them and now they're dead and I'm alive. That's my biggest fear with this.
And you know what? I hope this is my last time "trying" because killing myself has been the hardest thing that I ever had to do. And it's not even the SI (that's a lot, too, though, don't get me wrong), it's just the act itself. The human body is so fucking resilient, it's insane. I've tried to kill myself about 4 times and it's NEVER worked... obviously... and that's just the times that the attempt was "successful." For example, when I've tried in the past to hang myself I've never been able to even do that right, and so I don't pass out and by the end, it's so uncomfortable I have to slip out and try again (this is referring to partial, obviously). I'm not even that fat but if I tried full I have no doubt that the bar or whatever the rope is secured onto would break.
Do any of these pro-life dipshits understand that killing yourself is an ENORMOUS decision, and when most people actually complete it, it's NOT the easy way out. I'm about to try huffing some paint thinner in order to make it easier for me to jump, but even that is just a testament to how difficult it actually is. I have nothing to live for, I struggle every single fucking day of my life, and even then I'M the person that's talking me off the ledge, I'M the person who can't stand to pull the trigger (figuratively, I actually wish I had a gun). Does anybody know how HARD it is to get SN or whatever off the deep web now? Having to go through all of that crypto shit and then you can't even figure it out and the connection keeps timing out before you can even buy the stuff, assuming you figured out the crypto thing. AND IT'S EXPENSIVE, MEANWHILE, WE'RE IN SOME KIND OF GLOBAL RECESSION EVERY 5 MINUTES??????
I don't know, Like I said I'm gonna try to huff some paint thinner and if that doesn't kill me in itself, hopefully, I'll be out of it enough to not care about the jump or get cold feet. If people actually took a second to think or had even one ounce of empathy in their entire bodies, they'd realize that committing suicide is no joke, nor is it an easy task. I'm so scared that my body will survive this too and I'll just end up paralyzed and more fucked up than before, but it's still worth a try to me because what other options do I have? Life is cruel, people are cruel, this world is an evil place and I'll ONLY be finally happy when I'm six feet under.
If there are any pro-torture fuckers reading this, I hope you know that you're the worst. I hate you, maybe even as much as I hate myself because this is what you've done to me by denying us a peaceful way to die by not even having MAD in most countries yet, certainly not for irreparable mental damage. YOU are the reason I have to do this. I'm just hoping that nobody like, comes out of nowhere and I land on them and now they're dead and I'm alive. That's my biggest fear with this.
