If my bank account hits zero

[fleetingnight]

If my bank account hits zero, I'll have no choice but to end things. I don't want to say the number, but it's dangerously close.

It's not even that bad, compared to other people's circumstances. My parents are too nice and let me live with them, and pay for my bills and meals. But it's already so humiliating letting them do all that, especially after what an awful kid I was and what an unfriendly adult I am. I feel bad about how my death affects them, but that's the thing- I can't take anymore feeling bad, for myself or anyone else. I'll be dead then, so I'll finally stop feeling guilty.

If I it hits zero before anyone hires me, I'll have to hang myself. I can't stand the feeling of things cutting off my breath, because of a past trauma, but I really can't afford to die any other way, so I'm going go out terrified, crying, and regretful. I might fail, but I really have no other choice.

I hope it doesn't come to that. I want to go when I want to, not when I'm forced to. But I can't take any more pain and humiliation than I already do every day.

Of course, this could all be an empty promise. Above all else, I'm a total fucking coward.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I can tell you - out of own experience - real parental love is great! None of us should feel guilty for accepting parental love - none of us was asked to come into existence at all.

You're not a coward!

If your ban account hits 0 you're far from debt and interest on debt that's gonna kill u.

It's up 2 u and it's your choice but I think you should accept the love your parents still giving you.

 

[fleetingnight]

I can tell you - out of own experience - real parental love is great! None of us should feel guilty for accepting parental love - none of us was asked to come int existence at all.

You're not a coward!

If your ban account hits 0 you're far from debt and interest on debt that's gonna kill u.

It's up 2 u and it's your choice but I think you should accept the love your parents still giving you.

Thank you

I have a complicated relationship with my parents. They didn't treat me very well when I was a kid, but they do way too much for me now. I've been cold towards them because of my childhood, but after all they've done for me in adulthood, I started feeling guilty. I've been trying to move out of their house for a really long time, but haven't been able to

I am grateful that they're willing to do that, of course, but I hate myself more with everything they buy me. I can handle acting nice, and I can pretend our relationship is fixed now, but I'm tired of needing to rely on people, especially them of all people

By the way, if I sound mad, it's just at my situation. There's nothing wrong with your reply, I appreciate it<3

 

[LacroMoxie]

I can tell you - out of own experience - real parental love is great! None of us should feel guilty for accepting parental love - none of us was asked to come into existence at all.

You're not a coward!

If your ban account hits 0 you're far from debt and interest on debt that's gonna kill u.

It's up 2 u and it's your choice but I think you should accept the love your parents still giving you.

Wow, this does make a lot of sense. I owe the world to mine, ThankYou for this man. Not exactly the same situation but… similar. You've got my respect, thankyou