Venting If I'm good enough, why don't I have anyone but myself?

[sleazyyyy]

I feel so lonely I can't take it anymore. I'm 22 and I'm a fucking loser. All the other people I know are succeeding in life. They finished college with awards and the thing is, I'm not even envious. There's a deep sinking in my chest that makes me question where I'm supposed to be and why I feel so far from it. When I was young, I imagined myself being surrounded with my friends and now, I'm laying down on my bed and I have no one.

I've tried talking to people, trying to feel less alone in it, but I often come away feeling more misunderstood. Girls have it better, they say. Even ugly girls get love. Well, that's not true. No one's interested in me, no one likes me, no one wants to be my friend. I just want to be accepted, to be loved, to be understood, to belong, and I dropped 30 kilos for my ennui to feel more meaningful but I betrayed myself for NOTHING. I got ulcers, UTI, boils, and I got fucked up teeth. I'm still a virgin at this age and I feel unwanted in every way possible.

I can't even CTB successfully. I'm so damaged but my body is still here. I'm still alive and I feel phony because why am I still here? Am I just not trying harder?

I don't know what comes next. I just know I'm tired of not belonging anywhere. What even is the solution asides from CTB?

 

[Jadeith]

If I'm good enough, why don't I have anyone but myself?

I'm not attempting to invalidate your feelings. Urge to have someone, any fucking one, closer to a heart was a part of my life for longer that i'd like to admit. Despite being told time and time again how wonderful and good looking i am.
But, looking from the distance, i start to wonder if having "anyone but myself" wasn't actually having the best possible person. Maybe i was just unlucky or maybe being in the relationship is not worth the hype that surrounds it. What if, after actually getting into long term relationship, you find out that you were just a revenge on your partner's ex and in time they just got used to you and stayed? Or they stayed because of being ashamed to admit that you were just a revenge? What if, despite being told how loved and desired you are, you find out that you were cheated on, both physically and mentally? That no matter how good of a partner you are trying to be, it's still not enough?

You want someone. I understand. Wanted that too. Just want to warn you against focusing all your efforts on desperately trying to find that someone and getting tunnel vision in the process because you might end up fucked up worse than you are now.

 

[sleazyyyy]

I'm not attempting to invalidate your feelings. Urge to have someone, any fucking one, closer to a heart was a part of my life for longer that i'd like to admit. Despite being told time and time again how wonderful and good looking i am.
But, looking from the distance, i start to wonder if having "anyone but myself" wasn't actually having the best possible person. Maybe i was just unlucky or maybe being in the relationship is not worth the hype that surrounds it. What if, after actually getting into long term relationship, you find out that you were just a revenge on your partner's ex and in time they just got used to you and stayed? Or they stayed because of being ashamed to admit that you were just a revenge? What if, despite being told how loved and desired you are, you find out that you were cheated on, both physically and mentally? That no matter how good of a partner you are trying to be, it's still not enough?

You want someone. I understand. Wanted that too. Just want to warn you against focusing all your efforts on desperately trying to find that someone and getting tunnel vision in the process because you might end up fucked up worse than you are now.

Thank you for the word of caution. I was cheated on already but it's not discouraging me to love again (⁠´⁠;⁠︵⁠;⁠`⁠) I just want to be another person's important someone. I want to be comfortable on my own but I also want to share myself with other people. It's so stifling and so lonely not having someone to share peace, joy, and sadness with.

How did you get through it? How do you overcome that certain loneliness that comes from wanting to have someone?

 

[AnxiousLife]

Feelings of being unwanted and being a loser resonate with me. I think sometimes it's the people around us, who are not good enough, but just happen to have qualities appreciatted by the normie majority. Our experiences may not be a reflection of who are, but more often than not what society thinks is "good enough" by their definition, I would say

 

[Jadeith]

How did you get through it?

I didn't. I ended up on Sasu, researching methods to eradicate myself.

How do you overcome that certain loneliness that comes from wanting to have someone?

That's the whole point - technically i do have that another someone. It might sound like contradiction - i do care about them and i have reason to believe that they do care about me to some degree BUT damage stemming from aforementioned events (cheating, being a tool of revenge, etc.) is already done.
I'm in the relationship but loneliness and emptiness are not entirely gone. I love and i suppose i'm being loved (one way or another) but still it doesn't feel right.