if i live a good life, why do i feel suicidal?

[TheAngelBornInHell]

like the title said, I never understood why I am so suicidal despite having a great family, supporting parents, I'm even financially stable, I have friends, I have everything I could ever ask for, and yet I'm being a filthy sinner, thinking about suicide and actively self harming myself.

I feel like.. the reason why I must be so suicidal is because I have never seen a future ahead of me, I actually did not expect to live past 18, I never had a vision or specific goal about anything, I don't know if I have potential.. I feel stupid.

It's only gotten worse ever since I got back with my abusive groomer boyfriend (Has been grooming me since 14, my friends have warned me but I'm too stubborn to let go) and hes my only source of emotional support and comfort.

I wonder if I could repent to god enough so when I kill myself he'll let me in heaven.

 

[Cauliflour]

It's only gotten worse ever since I got back with my abusive groomer boyfriend (Has been grooming me since 14, my friends have warned me but I'm too stubborn to let go) and hes my only source of emotional support and comfort.

Well with this bit of information, I wouldn't say you have a "good life" and also your mentions of not having a future are fairly common for young people (I assume you're like 20 something based on how you've written this) considering how the world's going to shit with like AI and other stuff. idk I'm in the same boat but I'm not depressed, just really edgy.

 

[RadioRamen]

It's just the way your brain is wired , I'm depressed and if I list out my life most would prob say I have no reason to be depressed . Yet I am and almost over day hope I could just die in my sleep and not have to see the best day

 

[Sleeper System]

I relate to this. Never In my life did I think I would live passed 18. Never had any ambition or belief in myself. Never really had a plan. Just try to make a little money and try to survive. 35 years old now and nothing has really changed. I have a mid life crisis every few months. Im alone and have no one I can rely on.

The only thing I can do is come here and vent. Try to numb the pain with video games or a TV show. Try to convince myself to take things one day at a time. Deal with things as they come and not focus so much on the future. But it feels like a contradiction. Aren't you supposed to try and prepare for the future? I can't help but think about it.

 

[ipmanwc0]

It's just the way your brain is wired , I'm depressed and if I list out my life most would prob say I have no reason to be depressed . Yet I am and almost over day hope I could just die in my sleep and not have to see the best day

People blaming brain chemistry/wiring for feeling depressed is what allows drug companies to keep taking advantage of people and profit and diverts public attention from the things that actually improve quality of life. There never isn't no reason to be depressed. It's just that you haven't identified it. And not feeling depressed shouldn't be the aim. If we live we should be happy, and if we ask ourselves what we lack for happiness it's a lot easier to identify why we're depressed.

 

[cakedog]

Probably lack of fulfillment and ambitions