Venting if i had a gun this would've been over a long time ago

[Lil_Intro_Vert]

I've tried a couple times with partial but always chickened out cause it takes too long and i get scared. With a gun it's something fast that can be done impulsively, and i've been in many places where if i had a gun i would've taken it right then and there, without hesitation
Sadly i am too young to own a gun, plus it'd really fuck up my family to see my brains splattered on the wall
I wonder how much time i got until my survival instinct can't stop me anymore

 

[NoChoice]

It's making me feel better knowing others are pussying out of partial as well.. I hate the idea of it altogether but don't have many options. I wish I had something ridiculously impulsive like a gun as well, but there is just no way.. I would press the off button without hesitation but psyching myself out is making this a much worse process. Good luck to you

 

[Retched]

I said this about a gun many times until I got one... I didn't have the wherewithal it follow through first attempt & second attempt(with the gun in particular- I have two other failed attempts as well) I reached out to other styxies (my new endearing term for suicidal people) insead of following my plan...and the support was so overwhelmingly genuine...so I went from having a method to just owning a gun.

I guess it still runs the risk of impulsively, but I just can not see me pulling the trigger.

 

[Sickman75]

One of my reasons as to why I want to get a job asap isn't for my family, bills or shoes for the child. Is a gun at the gun shop. How miserable is that?
I'm selfish asshole for thinking/doing that.
Maybe I should dead as a result of just thinking like that, you know what I mean?

 

[I am ___________]

If I also had access to a gun, I would have done the same. A gun is like the magic red button, once you press it you can disappear forever. Unfortunately I don't have access to one and most likely will never have access, life truly is unfair. But that will not stop me..

 

[SirChuxAlot]

Coming from someone who owns guns, I am stuck in the same position of the end result. Firearms are my strong suite since I use to be a salesman in that industry about 8 years ago in my 20s right before the market slowed and got laid off.
I even invested into some top end rounds which not only expand but also splits into pieces and dumps alot of energy into one area upon impact, problem is, I think it would be very disrespectful to my family when funeral comes (If there is one) thus would like a much less gruesome way to CTB.
Whatever the case may be, I hope you share with us what you are dealing with and maybe even shed some light and hope into a positive future. I am confident I can speak for the majority here that we support whatever you decide is best for you.

Just know, from experience on the other side of the barrel, there is some small grain that keeps me from pulling the trigger. Whether it be fear of failure, end result or even a small hope maybe I should give it a little more time to maybe see if anything changes.

 

[21Neberg]

I wish I was born in the US for this sole reason.

 

[color_me_gone]

and the support was so overwhelmingly genuine

YES! YES! YES! to that. This site is so supportive. The vibe is REAL! Genuine.

While I was having problems getting on this site for the last three days (see Serge's comment in sticky),
I searched for another website like this. Couldn't find one. Best I could do was a pro-life site called Suicideforum.
I didn't join, just wanted to read a few threads there.

!!!!!! WHAT A JOKE !!!!!!

All these people sayin oh it's gonna get better, don't do that, hang in there, BS BS BS BS BS.
Didn't feel genuine at all! Nobody offered any real help. No feeling of family, nothing!
Thank GOD for this forum!

 

[color_me_gone]

just thinking like that

No, life is what it is.
We are always doing for others, instead of ourselves.
Sometimes we must do for ourselves, too!
When the suffering is intense, it is not selfish.

 

[SirChuxAlot]

YES! YES! YES! to that. This site is so supportive. The vibe is REAL! Genuine.

While I was having problems getting on this site for the last three days (see Serge's comment in sticky),
I searched for another website like this. Couldn't find one. Best I could do was a pro-life site called Suicideforum.
I didn't join, just wanted to read a few threads there.

!!!!!! WHAT A JOKE !!!!!!

All these people sayin oh it's gonna get better, don't do that, hang in there, BS BS BS BS BS.
Didn't feel genuine at all! Nobody offered any real help. No feeling of family, nothing!
Thank GOD for this forum!

That's because a lot of those people don't know the reason or why someone is experiencing the pain they are dealing with, thus immaturely respond to the situation with the most bland and generic response you can come up with even before listening or understanding the other person.
In a way, my opinion is Pro Lifers are selfish because not everyones situation is the same or solveable. There are cases where people find a reason to move forward but that isnt nor will ever be the same for everyone.

EDIT: Meant to add, heavy support can actually be a motivator for people to look forward to another day. Sometimes the smallest things in life such as listening and understanding can make a huge difference.

 

[Sickman75]

I'm also considering a fire arm of some sort. Probably not a shotgun it's just too messy imo. I think whenn doing this sort of thing wether it be hanging, of,poison,whatever...I think it should look at least somewhat clean. For family or whoever finds your body so it's not that traumatic, instead of seeing brains and skull and everything else plastered on the wall. Its just a courtesy thing that I have. But right now it's my daughter who's preventing me at the moment from cutting me off

 

[color_me_gone]

SirChuxAlot Agree you you 100%

 

[Sickman75]

No, life is what it is.
We are always doing for others, instead of ourselves.
Sometimes we must do for ourselves, too!
When the suffering is intense, it is not selfish.

Perhaps. But explain that to an 11 year old girl who's dad just committed suicide.

 

[color_me_gone]

explain that to an 11 year old girl

I totally understand that.
It's a fucking rock and hard spot situation.

 

[Sickman75]

I totally understand that.
It's a fucking rock and hard spot situation.

It is that indeed. Then add on top of that the afterlife- which I believe in. How that's going to effect all of this as well. Basically fucked from all sides around

 

[Othermind]

I don't get threads like these.
Do you seriously believe that if somebody gave you a shotgun right this moment you'd stick the barrel in your mouth and blow your brains out without hesitation? Or just chug a bottle of N like it was ice tea on a hot summer day?
I get it that it may seem easier to overcome your SI with "cleaner" methods like firearms vs. more laborious ones, and in all fairness I think it is, but you're still ending your life, that's not a step you take lightly.

 

[JustAboutDone]

That's because a lot of those people don't know the reason or why someone is experiencing the pain they are dealing with, thus immaturely respond to the situation with the most bland and generic response you can come up with even before listening or understanding the other person.
In a way, my opinion is Pro Lifers are selfish because not everyones situation is the same or solveable. There are cases where people find a reason to move forward but that isnt nor will ever be the same for everyone.

EDIT: Meant to add, heavy support can actually be a motivator for people to look forward to another day. Sometimes the smallest things in life such as listening and understanding can make a huge difference.

You talk a lot of sense, @SirChuxAlot. I agree that having the non judgemental support there can really make the difference to some people.

It's tricky to know whether an "easier method" would mean we'd be out of this world straight away. I think so many people have so much to consider, in terms of the effects on other people, that it's hard to get past that. Regardless of whether it's chugging some vet medicine or shooting yourself in the head. It's not the method, it's the turmoil in your mind - and that's not a judgement, it's the hardest thing in the world to be in a place where you think you are so worthless that the people you know are better without you, yet you care so much for them you can't bear their hurt. X

 

[Othermind]

Well I didn't know I was on a timer with you as to when I could end my life.? Should I consult with you some more on a pre date of some sort, maybe that would make you feel more comfortable?
And you missed the whole point of what we were talking about.

I was talking about OP.

 

[Lil_Intro_Vert]

I don't get threads like these.
Do you seriously believe that if somebody gave you a shotgun right this moment you'd stick the barrel in your mouth and blow your brains out without hesitation? Or just chug a bottle of N like it was ice tea on a hot summer day?
I get it that it may seem easier to overcome your SI with "cleaner" methods like firearms vs. more laborious ones, and in all fairness I think it is, but you're still ending your life, that's not a step you take lightly.

Maybe I would, i just know it'd be a lot easier to overcome the survival instinct with pulling a trigger instead of the time it takes for partial to work. I don't want to ctb on a whim or because of a bad day, i want to make sure it's the best option for me. I do get what you're saying though, it's entirely possible I'd freeze up and not be able to commit to pulling the trigger, but it sure seems easier from my position rn

 

[felix]

Sry

I've tried a couple times with partial but always chickened out cause it takes too long and i get scared. With a gun it's something fast that can be done impulsively, and i've been in many places where if i had a gun i would've taken it right then and there, without hesitation
Sadly i am too young to own a gun, plus it'd really fuck up my family to see my brains splattered on the wall
I wonder how much time i got until my survival instinct can't stop me anymore

Sry to say, but many ppl say that if they had a gun they would've done it. If u can't do it by another means it's unlikely that you'd be able to do it even with the perfect gun for the job.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I've tried a couple times with partial but always chickened out cause it takes too long and i get scared. With a gun it's something fast that can be done impulsively, and i've been in many places where if i had a gun i would've taken it right then and there, without hesitation
Sadly i am too young to own a gun, plus it'd really fuck up my family to see my brains splattered on the wall
I wonder how much time i got until my survival instinct can't stop me anymore

You know what @Lil_Intro_Vert and that is the worst thing is that you feel like this in the first place. I'm so sorry that Life and circumstance has brought you to such a raw time and place again when you were having an upturn in mood before and things were going a little better. It's so soul crushing when that happens

 

[Othermind]

it sure seems easier from my position rn

It does, but what I was trying to say is that it's pointless to get fustrated about something like this when SI is gonna be a hurdle no matter what method you choose.
I think you'd be more at peace if you just accepted that ctb is never gonna be easy and played the hand you're dealt instead of fantasizing about a supposed holy grail hesitation-free, pain-free method.

 

[Lil_Intro_Vert]

It does, but what I was trying to say is that it's pointless to get fustrated about something like this when SI is gonna be a hurdle no matter what method you choose.
I think you'd be more at peace if you just accepted that ctb is never gonna be easy and played the hand you're dealt instead of fantasizing about a supposed holy grail hesitation-free, pain-free method.

That's a pretty good point, thank you for explaining it like that

 

[Sickman75]

It's would be alot easier with a gun yes. Compared to hanging. Pull the trigger it's done. Go for a walk smoke your last cig and pull. Hanging bit more involved than just the hanging. Takes time and effort, more time to think. Gun is far more the fastest way of doing things. Imo

 

[ReadyasEver]

Guns are out for me, and I have quite a few. I've already aimed a gun or 120mm turret at other people and fired. I'll never do that again. That's one thing I can't overcome.

 

[color_me_gone]

I'll never do that again.

I hear ya on that!

 

[ThisIsTheLastNight]

A gun was my first choice to leaving this world. I thought that it would be realy easy to go with a gun. Just pulling a trigger. Until i got my hands to a 9mm. The bang, the recoil and blast after firing makes it impossible for me to pull the trigger when i hold the gun on my head. Im afraid that when firing i would feel much pain and even if i hold the gun with two hands the recoil is so big that that the gun could shift and i would survive.

 

[color_me_gone]

the recoil

The recoil worries me as well.
Guns were not designed to point toward yourself.
This make it even more difficult to control the recoil.

If a gun were my method, it would only be either a shotgun or rifle.
The butt of the gun could be secured against an inside corner of a room.
Hold the barrel close to the end with one hand, pull trigger with other.
Aim properly for brain stem.

 

[VoloFataliDoce]

I had a gun many years ago. I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to end it all at that point, but my survival instinct was too strong and I couldn't make myself pull the trigger. That's too bad, because I'm still here and still in as just as much pain as ever. I have such respect for people that are able to overcome that instinct and pull the trigger; having been in that position, it isn't that easy.

 

[color_me_gone]

it isn't that easy

We are all so aware how difficult the survival instinct is to overcome.
That is why we never fault anyone who leaves a farewell post, and does not succeed.
We know how hard it is.