Venting Idk what wrong with me

[PurplePerson]

Hey this is like, my first time doing this. I really just don't want to live anymore. It's so much stuff bottled up inside me and I let it stay for so long. I'm really trying to handle it all, to keep going, I have friends who I need to keep happy, but it's getting harder to handle every day. It feels impossible. I've attempted before and it hasn't work, I was kinda bummed it didn't. Now it feels more scary to do it. Idk what wrong with me, idk why I'm acting so scared.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry your situation has lead you to find your way here. I hope you can find some solace here at least. I expect many of us can relate to feeling at the end of our tethers.

It sounds as if you're putting huge effort into maintaining a front of being ok. Is there anyone- say in your friend or family group, you could maybe be a bit more honest with? Not necessarily the whole truth- that you feel suicidal. People don't always react well to that. But just to say that you're struggling at the moment? Maybe it might help to be able to drop your guard a little and hopefully, receive a bit of support.

It's not great to have stuff bottled up inside- speaking as someone who's done the same. I suppose you have to carefully consider the damage of releasing some of it. Sometimes, there's no way to repair what's already happened but other times, I think it can help to clear the air. Especially if it's done in a measured, calm manner.

 

[Worndown]

Welcome and sorry...

Use the various threads here to ask, vent or just shake your fist at the sky.
You can also find others sharing specific issues and learn about coping and possibly managing some issues.

Worst case, you refine your exit plan.