Idk what to do…

[goodoldnoname923]

I can't seem to accept the fact that i hurt her…that i made her life miserable…that i brought her down to my level…that i did all these terrible things…she's happy now but i can't let go at all

Do i die? Do i subject myself to what i put her through?…what do i fucking do I can't deal with the pain of her being gone…I can't

 

[ringo99]

Punch something until your knuckles can't take it anymore. Scream until you feel like your vocal chords are about to give out. Trust me. I've been where you are. Extract the poison now. You'll instinctively know what to do next

 

[derpyderpins]

I can't seem to accept the fact that i hurt her…that i made her life miserable…that i brought her down to my level…that i did all these terrible things…she's happy now but i can't let go at all

Do i die? Do i subject myself to what i put her through?…what do i fucking do I can't deal with the pain of her being gone…I can't

You be better. I'm glad she's happy now, because I think that's important.

I once messed up a "relationship"/fling with a girl I had grown to care about as a friend. She ghosted me afterwards and it absolutely devastated me for a while. Eventually, I reached out again and she told me she didn't realize I felt so guilty and that she wasn't upset anymore and hadn't been for some time, and that did help a bit. Still, I hate knowing that I was able to mess up that much. So, I try to be better. That's all I can do.

Sure, you could die because you messed up and hurt someone. Humans hurt people, and humans learn from hurting people, because for most of us it feels bad, and we don't want that bad feeling again. So, you can either get rid of yourself, or go out every day a little more determined than the average person not to hurt anyone, and to help other people feel good.

Punishing yourself doesn't actually help anyone. If you feel the need to punish yourself, doing it through penance at least will make the world around you a little better.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

You be better. I'm glad she's happy now, because I think that's important.

I once messed up a "relationship"/fling with a girl I had grown to care about as a friend. She ghosted me afterwards and it absolutely devastated me for a while. Eventually, I reached out again and she told me she didn't realize I felt so guilty and that she wasn't upset anymore and hadn't been for some time, and that did help a bit. Still, I hate knowing that I was able to mess up that much. So, I try to be better. That's all I can do.

Sure, you could die because you messed up and hurt someone. Humans hurt people, and humans learn from hurting people, because for most of us it feels bad, and we don't want that bad feeling again. So, you can either get rid of yourself, or go out every day a little more determined than the average person not to hurt anyone, and to help other people feel good.

Punishing yourself doesn't actually help anyone. If you feel the need to punish yourself, doing it through penance at least will make the world around you a little better.

I mean this was a relationship that went on for 6 years and i'd like to think it went well at times maybe it did but she doesn't see it that way at all anymore…and despite everything i put her through I can't seem to understand the pain she felt and not see a life without her

I love her with all my soul treat I constantly treat her like garbage and even when i try to figure out why i can't

I feel like to understand what i put her through i need to undergo that shit myself but at the same time i just don't wanna live in a world without her..it's a mess

 

[derpyderpins]

I mean this was a relationship that went on for 6 years and i'd like to think it went well at times maybe it did but she doesn't see it that way at all anymore…and despite everything i put her through I can't seem to understand the pain she felt and not see a life without her

I love her with all my soul treat I constantly treat her like garbage and even when i try to figure out why i can't

I feel like to understand what i put her through i need to undergo that shit myself but at the same time i just don't wanna live in a world without her..it's a mess

It's hard to comment without knowing you and specifics, but unless you were actively abusing her I kinda doubt 6 years went by with absolutely no good times.

As far as understanding the pain, you're never going to 100% understand. It's not your pain. You can't recreate it. What you have to understand is that the pain was real, and try your best to understand what it was that caused the pain so that doesn't repeat.

There's nothing productive in hurting yourself. I can sympathize with someone who was shot in the foot, even though I've never been shot in the foot and I don't know how it feels. I can tell from them hopping around in pain holding the foot that it hurts like hell. No need for me to shoot myself in the foot to get that.

Losing someone . . . is always going to be difficult. It's pointless to say something like "there are more fish in the sea," because you spent so long with this person that she became a part of you. I wish I had something to say that would make it better, but the fact is right now you're flailing in the deep end, panicking and ready to give up and go under at any minute. Clearly you're not in a headspace to calmly evaluate your situation. You have to keep your head above water until you can drift to somewhere where your feet can touch, then start to look at things.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

It's hard to comment without knowing you and specifics, but unless you were actively abusing her I kinda doubt 6 years went by with absolutely no good times.

As far as understanding the pain, you're never going to 100% understand. It's not your pain. You can't recreate it. What you have to understand is that the pain was real, and try your best to understand what it was that caused the pain so that doesn't repeat.

There's nothing productive in hurting yourself. I can sympathize with someone who was shot in the foot, even though I've never been shot in the foot and I don't know how it feels. I can tell from them hopping around in pain holding the foot that it hurts like hell. No need for me to shoot myself in the foot to get that.

Losing someone . . . is always going to be difficult. It's pointless to say something like "there are more fish in the sea," because you spent so long with this person that she became a part of you. I wish I had something to say that would make it better, but the fact is right now you're flailing in the deep end, panicking and ready to give up and go under at any minute. Clearly you're not in a headspace to calmly evaluate your situation. You have to keep your head above water until you can drift to somewhere where your feet can touch, then start to look at things.

Unfortunately she feels completely differently about the whole thing,she doesn't seem to remember any good times and has completely removed me from memory even supposedly shutters when she hears my name

She really did become a part of me she was my purpose and desire to live and I'm enjoying the fact she's doing better now but i also hate and hurt shes no longer in my life and is with someone i wish I always could've been for her and he's even done things for her I always dreamed of doing

But yea idk what to do,do i die? Do i live on continuing to hurt people? Can i change or do i just embrace what and who i am?

Idrk that's the honest truth I'm at a crossroads

 

[derpyderpins]

Unfortunately she feels completely differently about the whole thing,she doesn't seem to remember any good times and has completely removed me from memory even supposedly shutters when she hears my name

She really did become a part of me she was my purpose and desire to live and I'm enjoying the fact she's doing better now but i also hate and hurt shes no longer in my life and is with someone i wish I always could've been for her and he's even done things for her I always dreamed of doing

Clearly she was pretty affected by all of it. She needs time to heal and to move on herself.

But yea idk what to do,do i die?

It's up to you, but suicide over a breakup is the textbook example for "maybe not yet because it sounds impulsive and a large number of those attempts end up unsuccessful regrets."

Do i live on continuing to hurt people?

No. Don't hurt people. It's bad and you know it. Practice not doing it if you're going to live.

Can i change or do i just embrace what and who i am?

Why not both? You don't need to completely get rid of who you are and start over. You keep writing your story. You are built on the same foundation that you previously were, but you now have learned about consequences for your actions and will be more determined not to repeat those mistakes. Like taking an old model of a car and adding a safety feature to avoid accidents. You wouldn't say you changed the car, just added an improvement.

Idrk that's the honest truth I'm at a crossroads

I hear you. That's okay. It's good, even. You probably need to spend some time at the crossroads and consider these directions rather than blindly heading somewhere. I really hope you can make it to a better place.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Clearly she was pretty affected by all of it. She needs time to heal and to move on herself.


It's up to you, but suicide over a breakup is the textbook example for "maybe not yet because it sounds impulsive and a large number of those attempts end up unsuccessful regrets."


No. Don't hurt people. It's bad and you know it. Practice not doing it if you're going to live.


Why not both? You don't need to completely get rid of who you are and start over. You keep writing your story. You are built on the same foundation that you previously were, but you now have learned about consequences for your actions and will be more determined not to repeat those mistakes. Like taking an old model of a car and adding a safety feature to avoid accidents. You wouldn't say you changed the car, just added an improvement.



I hear you. That's okay. It's good, even. You probably need to spend some time at the crossroads and consider these directions rather than blindly heading somewhere. I really hope you can make it to a better place.

I mean she has she basically said she had removed me from her brain and life and never wanted to speak ever again

As for that this "breakup" happened months ago and i've been dwelling on it since then

Which is why i don't want to hurt people but I genuinely just don't think I'm incapable of doing it which is another reason i wanna die

And thanks man I appreciate it really