Venting Idk if I can do this anymore

[spooky_kxtty]

This is probably gonna be short because my mom is yelling at me across the house. I've vented to my boyfriend and a couple friends before about being depressed and after getting better and finding purpose I can help but feel myself slowly starting to fall back into where I was and Im having to force myself to eat, breaking down wanting to cry every day, loosing my empathy, ripping out my hair, and the thoughts of CTB have come back. I feel like I have demons haunting me and no one knows right now how bad it's gotten. I want to CTB so badly and can't stand myself but I can't break my promise to my boyfriend and I feel so lost and don't know what to do.

 

[missingpeace]

Keep venting your feelings I've over here, perhaps in talking about them you will find a clear direction. If you keep slipping in and out of thoughts of ctb, maybe it's worth looking at the triggers and getting a handle on them, on the other hand if it's an ongoing feeling where you can't control it then it's quite hard.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to go through, and I understand that it certainly can be so awful when existing just continues to get worse and it must be really tiring feeling trapped in that situation. But anyway best wishes.