Discussion idealizing how people will react when I kill myself?

[funkyratlad]

I was wondering whether I was the only one who this happened to. Sometimes I just find myself imagining how people I know might react if I kms or like, what'll happen after I do. I know it sounds kind of fucked up but I think it's mainly about imagining anyone caring about my life at all, or thinking that my life is important to someone? I dunno, but I wanted to know if anyone felt that way too

 

[WornOutLife]

I like imagining the way they would react too!
Some of them will be like "I knew it!" , some others, like my dad, will be extremely sad.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I think it is totally normal behavior. I am one of the people here who has a few people I care about and worry about adverse reaction to them If i am gone. Fortunately none of these relationships involve financial support or are descendants. Some people even suicidals will care about the concept known as their "legacy". Given current world events I personally don't care about that on a macro level but more worried about potential pain that could be caused to those left behind

 

[AprilsBlessings]

I do that all the time, tbh it messes me up and makes me feel guilty, specially now because i'm planning to ctb soon.

 

[MindFog]

Yeah, frequently actually. My brain just goes exploring on how they react until it gets to the point that I can't take it anymore. It does make me feel guilty, cause there are times were a sense of satisfaction comes when imagining someone I hate cry from it, like wanting to say "i told you so" and "You know I'm not lying now" in that situation.

Imagining your funeral feels like a double edge sword. Sometimes you get a feeling of acceptance from it, sometimes it wrecks you with guilt.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Yeah, frequently actually. My brain just goes exploring on how they react until it gets to the point that I can't take it anymore. It does make me feel guilty, cause there are times were a sense of satisfaction comes when imagining someone I hate cry from it, like wanting to say "i told you so" and "You know I'm not lying now" in that situation.

Imagining your funeral feels like a double edge sword. Sometimes you get a feeling of acceptance from it, sometimes it wrecks you with guilt.

Funeral for me is just cringe. The worst part is I know someone will show up and start talking about god this or god that. This is why i prefer to go missing and hopefully my corpse won't be found until most people who care about me lost interest. For me going missing is not out of character anyway since I often used to work a lot/never call home so maybe people would think i've gone off to do my own thing.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

I call that revenge suicide. Yes, I think like that, it is the number two reason, number one being to stop hurting. I want them to hurt like they have hurt me. I want them to have bad dreams about it, to feel massive guilt, to know it was their fault just like me. I want their lives to be lonely and without purpose, for their children and grandchildren, for whom they have worked so hard, to ignore and ghost them in their later years.

I have tried to figure out a way for them to be told I have died when I haven't. Or to even just wonder, "What happened to Mom?" And for someone to tell them, "You didn't know? She died months ago." And no, she didn't leave you anything. And sadly her body was found long afterwards, pretty badly decomposed.

But, they probably wouldn't care. So it wouldn't matter. And I wouldn't get to see it so that would be stupid, right?

 

[MindFog]

This is why i prefer to go missing and hopefully my corpse won't be found

God, I wish i could do that too, but it seems impossible here. At least give me a closed casket service.

I do want my corpse to found tho, just to let them know that I'm dead and they don't have to find out what happened to me. I do agree with the whole christian funeral tho. I don't even like going to church every sunday, but even in death, a priest would still judge me. Suckss.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

God, I wish i could do that too, but it seems impossible here. At least give me a closed casket service.

I do want my corpse to found tho, just to let them know that I'm dead and they don't have to find out what happened to me. I do agree with the whole christian funeral tho. I don't even like going to church every sunday, but even in death, a priest would still judge me. Suckss.

Its very difficult to go missing without having extensive $ and prep time. You're basically gonna have to leave no digital trail and go somewhere so desolate you won't be stumbled upon unless the soil is exhumed. I'm aware there are services in the world that disappear people as well but this is usually to start a new life. Someone should start a service to disappear a corpse. It could be incorporated in a poor 3rd world country that had unsevere punishment for the crime generally known as "concealing a corpse". Obviously they wouldn't be helping you with the actual death just to remove traces of you. They could force you to record your CTB and then they keep a copy for their records proving they played no role in it

 

[AutoTap]

I was wondering whether I was the only one who this happened to. Sometimes I just find myself imagining how people I know might react if I kms or like, what'll happen after I do. I know it sounds kind of fucked up but I think it's mainly about imagining anyone caring about my life at all, or thinking that my life is important to someone? I dunno, but I wanted to know if anyone felt that way too

I do too. I worry that they'll end up suffering and CTB themselves from becoming depressed, traumatized, or stuff like that.

 

[Givingupandgivingin]

I don't think anyone will be too bothered.
Ultimately people die all the time and life goes on. After a few months it was like they never existed, or so it's been for me with people I know who have died. It's like they never lived.
There's part of me that would like to think my children and parents will think of my sometimes but realistically after the initial shock I think people will just get on with their lives and I will rarely cross their minds.

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

I was wondering whether I was the only one who this happened to. Sometimes I just find myself imagining how people I know might react if I kms or like, what'll happen after I do. I know it sounds kind of fucked up but I think it's mainly about imagining anyone caring about my life at all, or thinking that my life is important to someone? I dunno, but I wanted to know if anyone felt that way too

i think about this daily. you are not alone!