TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,819
One of the quotes said by TiredHorse to me almost a year ago was that: "suicidality is like alcoholism: you don't get over it, you just learn to manage it --or it kills you." In his statement, it is true figuratively. I'd like to add on to the fact that the SI is also a variable as well as current life circumstances as well as the past. To me (and this is just for my own personal criteria), I'd keep a mental list of things that either add/subtract to my status of suicidality meter at current time.
Idea 1:
So on the suicidality bar/meter from -10 to 10, and 0 being about ambivalent/neutral, if I reach 10, then I would CTB, then there are times where I go around 5 to 7, or sometimes during temporary recovery, I may go to -2 to -5, depending on mood and other factors. For example, the having a "6" on the bar is like this:
[v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|"X"|v|v|v|v] where red denotes suicidality, green denotes going towards non-depressive, non-suicidal, and blue is neutral. 'X' is the marker used for the guage.
Idea 2:
Another idea and metric I use to look at suicidality (for myself) are basically chips/tokens/suicidefuel gauge for myself, meaning that if I exceed the threshold, or limit of it, then I would follow through and CTB.
For example (not conclusive but just something to reference by), suppose five consecutive chips is the threshold for me. So without clearing a stack of five would result in CTB, this means that any bad event or reason for myself would mean that I add a chip towards my stack, thus [X][ ][ ][ ][ ], which means in this case, it is 1 of 5. When good events or significant recoveries occur, I take off a chip, thus bringing it back down to 0 of 5 in my stack, which would be [ ][ ][ ][ ][ ]. In a sense, I suppose what I mean is that I gamify my own suicidality. However, an exception to this is something called a permanent chip, meaning that for whatever reason or anything, the chip will always remain, regardless of circumstance, which means if I have a reason or problem that is chronic, or permanent and is still affecting me negatively, then that chip will remain. In this case, it would be something like: [X][X][ ][ ][ ], which means 2 of 5, and thus only have room for 3 additional chips and the first two chips cannot ever be cleared due to them being chronic, permanent problems that still affect me.
Anyways, this is just how I see my own 'suicidality' and of course, not everyone views it the same way. What are your thoughts on the concept of suicidality?
Idea 1:
So on the suicidality bar/meter from -10 to 10, and 0 being about ambivalent/neutral, if I reach 10, then I would CTB, then there are times where I go around 5 to 7, or sometimes during temporary recovery, I may go to -2 to -5, depending on mood and other factors. For example, the having a "6" on the bar is like this:
[v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|v|"X"|v|v|v|v] where red denotes suicidality, green denotes going towards non-depressive, non-suicidal, and blue is neutral. 'X' is the marker used for the guage.
Idea 2:
Another idea and metric I use to look at suicidality (for myself) are basically chips/tokens/suicidefuel gauge for myself, meaning that if I exceed the threshold, or limit of it, then I would follow through and CTB.
For example (not conclusive but just something to reference by), suppose five consecutive chips is the threshold for me. So without clearing a stack of five would result in CTB, this means that any bad event or reason for myself would mean that I add a chip towards my stack, thus [X][ ][ ][ ][ ], which means in this case, it is 1 of 5. When good events or significant recoveries occur, I take off a chip, thus bringing it back down to 0 of 5 in my stack, which would be [ ][ ][ ][ ][ ]. In a sense, I suppose what I mean is that I gamify my own suicidality. However, an exception to this is something called a permanent chip, meaning that for whatever reason or anything, the chip will always remain, regardless of circumstance, which means if I have a reason or problem that is chronic, or permanent and is still affecting me negatively, then that chip will remain. In this case, it would be something like: [X][X][ ][ ][ ], which means 2 of 5, and thus only have room for 3 additional chips and the first two chips cannot ever be cleared due to them being chronic, permanent problems that still affect me.
Anyways, this is just how I see my own 'suicidality' and of course, not everyone views it the same way. What are your thoughts on the concept of suicidality?
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