I'd rather die than work, life is not worth it anyways.

[deflagrat]

Hi. I used to be depressed and this was the main reason why I wanted to kill myself. I ended up trying a few meds and they started working as long as I take them every day. But I have never been happy with my life, in fact, the main reason why I don't ctb is because I have my parent's support. I have anhedonia, flat affect, problems with memory... and it makes me not want to live. I am tired of living in this century because a lot of my problems can't be solved, and technology nowadays kind of suck.

The thing is, life is bearable if all I have to do is sleep and entertain myself until I go to sleep again. I still don't want it, but I wouldn't go as far as killing myself. But what if I had to work? The whole thing changes, because I would ctb the next week. It's just not worth it, I decided to postpone my suicide because I knew that I would never try to work, otherwise I would have continued with my suicide attempt.

Working is only good in your enjoy your job or if you make a lot of money (enough to be worth it), and I can't do any of those things. I have overcome every single psychological problem that I have except this issue. I am basically useless, and I wouldn't even care if that didn't mean I was going to be homeless. That's the thing, I will be homeless eventually. Right now everything is fine because my parents are not going to die any time soon, but that will change when they die.

Thoughts?

 

[BipolarExpat]

Thoughts?

Workin for the man blows.

Working in an industry where you USED TO excel is tortuous.

 

[bilamajina]

@deflagrat, our situations seem to be quite similar, except my father is very elderly, and I fear his death. Up until last year I hadn't been concerned by his age, now my dependence upon him is at the forefront of my mind. Having to deal with his death would be bad enough, but upon his death I will become homeless. I've just managed to break a 9 year depression which required numerous admissions into the psyc wards. I've lived independently in the past, but that was what triggered the first prescription of anti-depressants. Now I can't see myself being able to survive on my own, hence why I need to ctb.

 

[not_a_robot]

Hi. I used to be depressed and this was the main reason why I wanted to kill myself. I ended up trying a few meds and they started working as long as I take them every day. But I have never been happy with my life, in fact, the main reason why I don't ctb is because I have my parent's support. I have anhedonia, flat affect, problems with memory... and it makes me not want to live. I am tired of living in this century because a lot of my problems can't be solved, and technology nowadays kind of suck.

The thing is, life is bearable if all I have to do is sleep and entertain myself until I go to sleep again. I still don't want it, but I wouldn't go as far as killing myself. But what if I had to work? The whole thing changes, because I would ctb the next week. It's just not worth it, I decided to postpone my suicide because I knew that I would never try to work, otherwise I would have continued with my suicide attempt.

Working is only good in your enjoy your job or if you make a lot of money (enough to be worth it), and I can't do any of those things. I have overcome every single psychological problem that I have except this issue. I am basically useless, and I wouldn't even care if that didn't mean I was going to be homeless. That's the thing, I will be homeless eventually. Right now everything is fine because my parents are not going to die any time soon, but that will change when they die.

Thoughts?

Your parents probably have a fuckton of life insurance. You will probably be fine.
Life is a constant struggle and the only reward for that struggle is bullshit. You're right, it isn't worth it.
Most people solve this problem by popping out a bunch of brats and pretending that breeding brings some value to their meaningless, dull existence. You could try that.

 

[Mljonzy]

It's all just wrong the world that humans have created nobody is meant to live the way we do it's just all so wrong.

 

[BipolarExpat]

It's all just wrong the world that humans have created nobody is meant to live the way we do it's just all so wrong.

It's beyond.... and I've noticed this sentiment on other threads lately too.

Forced schooling merges into forced work to be able to afford what? Life?

A life on society's terms.

 

[Mljonzy]

It's beyond.... and I've noticed this sentiment on other threads lately too.

Forced schooling merges into forced work to be able to afford what? Life?

A life on society's terms.

We have no say on how to live our own lives in my eyes there is no such thing as success it's all a bullshit game that i don't want to play.

 

[BipolarExpat]

I was focused on moving "off the grid" a couple years ago until........I realized it's near impossible to really be free. At least for long.

Future encroachments, state taxes, visas (for abroad),....there will always be a taxman of sorts.

Fu*k their countries, borders and rules.

One earth

 

[LaBrava]

Work has been the biggest cause of misery and mental illness for me, coupled with the endless dependence on the money it provides just to exist, and will be the main reason I will CTB. Work in the 21st century in particular is pure hell - unions are destroyed, jobs are scarce and workers have little or no rights.

 

[deflagrat]

@deflagrat, our situations seem to be quite similar, except my father is very elderly, and I fear his death. Up until last year I hadn't been concerned by his age, now my dependence upon him is at the forefront of my mind. Having to deal with his death would be bad enough, but upon his death I will become homeless. I've just managed to break a 9 year depression which required numerous admissions into the psyc wards. I've lived independently in the past, but that was what triggered the first prescription of anti-depressants. Now I can't see myself being able to survive on my own, hence why I need to ctb.

The world out there is cruel, it doesn't care about anyone, it just assumes that you will want to live and support yourself. How can they say they want to prevent suicide if they are not willing to take responsibility? Saying "don't kill yourself" and at the same time "I am sorry, there is no more help available for you" doesn't make any sense. In the end they don't have any answers, so death is the only plausible answer.

 

[inconsequential]

I haven't worked in 10 years. I'm totally fucked in many areas, but also pretty free for the moment.

 

[Final Escape]

The world out there is cruel, it doesn't care about anyone, it just assumes that you will want to live and support yourself. How can they say they want to prevent suicide if they are not willing to take responsibility? Saying "don't kill yourself" and at the same time "I am sorry, there is no more help available for you" doesn't make any sense. In the end they don't have any answers, so death is the only plausible answer.

I hate the hypocrisy in our society. There's a lot of lies that we are brainwashed with about reality. I really wish that vulnerable people were not at risk of being punished by the state but that is what happens. In a moral system you would want to prevent/reduce as much as possible any harm on the most vulnerable people. You would be trying to find solutions to reduce suffering as much as possible. If it was a moral system u most likely would not see any long term homelessness unless it was voluntarily chosen.

 

[Mn1245]

It's beyond.... and I've noticed this sentiment on other threads lately too.

Forced schooling merges into forced work to be able to afford what? Life?

A life on society's terms.

That's exactly how I felt and I often thought of dropping out of school, work, and CTB every year since I was 5-6. I always hated school, work and society, because it feels unnatural.if someone wants to learn something, they can do it at home. If someone wants money, they can make something at home and try to sell it. Why are we forced to spend every day from morning till evening in a room with people we don't like or know? To make money for rich people. We're just used as cattle, and school just prepares us for factory or office or services work making money or stuff or providing service for the rich. It's not worth living or reproducing, unless you are rich and free to stay at home or work only if you want doing what you want when you want.

 

[Ruffian]

Mainly here due to hating career, being depressed, and it contributing to my physical pain at times. Yeah, the career thing sucks. The only thing making it at all bearable is knowing other people in my field are having very similar experiences.

 

[dandan]

I get you, im in a working position at the moment, yes it sucks

you asked, any thoughts?

yeah, I think you should go living homeless for a week just for the adventure and to get to know what is it like, just as an experience.
another thought: you wont do it because you will not be able willingly able , mentally or emotionally, you know you can do it, but you wont do it
so you cant feel pleasure?
but you can feel discomfort? haha, how convinient, dont you think? that is a little bit senseless, isn't it? incoherent perhaps
you dislike discomfort? and you dont want to leave the small amount of comfort zone you have, thats my thought

and I also have the idea, that you think , maybe im wrong,
that theres maybe theres something you can do
you've tried a nice gym
good food
but never going around town interviewing people to see how many people know people like you
I think maybe you will feel embarassed to do it
so you cant feel pleasure, but you can feel negative emotions?
so you are doomed then, but you can entretain yourself in comfort
I wish I had your problems man
and there we go, the grass is always greener on the neighbors house, damm,

hey man, you asked for it,
thats what I think, meant no disrespect (at the moment, sometimes, I think differently, more compasionate perhaps)

 

[not_a_robot]

Work has been the biggest cause of misery and mental illness for me, coupled with the endless dependence on the money it provides just to exist, and will be the main reason I will CTB. Work in the 21st century in particular is pure hell - unions are destroyed, jobs are scarce and workers have little or no rights.

Perhaps you would be happier with a Bullshit Job?

Bullshit Jobs - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

 

[vulturecyclop]

I'm in the same exact position as you, so I get you 100%. I am only living for the sake of others. I would rather suffer for a while more than to hurt them. Although...it could end up doing more damage the more I wait. I hope that isn't the case. Por cierto, hablo español.

 

[262653]

Performing on a full-time boring, maddening job for a half of my awake time so I can sustain myself for another month? That just doesn't make sense to me. Doing something I don't like to maintain a state I'm not very fond of. Imagine if you had to do very tedious work and at the end of the week you have to pay for it. For the work you have done. IT'S CRAZYYYYYYYY! But I like absurd humor...

And schools... eww no. I wish I had the lucidity to leave that numbing and dumbing place when I was in the 3rd grade. It was fucking disgraceful....
I feel like I'm 8 year old still... I had no aspiration to learning whatsoever. And those teachers - goddamn psychopaths - were probable made from the same flour as psychiatrists do. Woohoo I get to legally exercise power and control over those poor souls, how unfortunate for them... how lucky I am. Did I said I hate school? . The class is the tree, and there are fucking monkeys all around the branches. Only concerned about shitting on each other and climbing to higher spots so we could have safer spot and easier time shitting on others... I'm so glad to be suicidal.

 

[Vegrau]

Hi. I used to be depressed and this was the main reason why I wanted to kill myself. I ended up trying a few meds and they started working as long as I take them every day. But I have never been happy with my life, in fact, the main reason why I don't ctb is because I have my parent's support. I have anhedonia, flat affect, problems with memory... and it makes me not want to live. I am tired of living in this century because a lot of my problems can't be solved, and technology nowadays kind of suck.

The thing is, life is bearable if all I have to do is sleep and entertain myself until I go to sleep again. I still don't want it, but I wouldn't go as far as killing myself. But what if I had to work? The whole thing changes, because I would ctb the next week. It's just not worth it, I decided to postpone my suicide because I knew that I would never try to work, otherwise I would have continued with my suicide attempt.

Working is only good in your enjoy your job or if you make a lot of money (enough to be worth it), and I can't do any of those things. I have overcome every single psychological problem that I have except this issue. I am basically useless, and I wouldn't even care if that didn't mean I was going to be homeless. That's the thing, I will be homeless eventually. Right now everything is fine because my parents are not going to die any time soon, but that will change when they die.

Thoughts?

No matter how much I earn and what I do. It doesnt matter to me anymore. There's simply no pleasure in it anymore. The world can never give me what I want.