Venting I'd like a try a new life

[Misanthrope0000]

You know, it truly doesn't get better when you live in a third world islamic country in poverty, I was unlucky in this life to be born in an underdeveloped country.
A country that lives in poverty, a country where women are criticized for doing anything, even if it's just going out to have fun with their friends, a country where none of my favorites bands or artists come to, a country where I can't even afford to dress however I like, travel, go hiking, go camping, a country where you can't even gain money online from other countries, basically all the things that I see girls on age from developed countries do, I wanna be reborn in a country where women are worth more than just their hymen, a country where women are actually being treated as human beings as not just imprisoned objects that should be shielded from the outside world.
I'm turning 20 this October and I spend 99% of my whole life inside my room, at some point of my life I didn't leave my room for 2 years and didn't even shower for 2 months, I was just bedrotting and waiting to die, I didn't find a point in doing anything anymore if this is how my life would be, I'm a drop out, I gave up on my studies be a we study in a foreign language that I can't speak, and I'm also stupid ngl. I use lucid dreaming as a way to live the life that I want, and even so, sometimes it ends up being a lucid nightmare, I wish I could just lucid dream forever and never wake up, I wish I could just wake up and find myself inside a new world, new people, new country, a lot money, new family, and especially, no islam.

People may think I'm no longer depressed or suicidal because I started taking care of my Hygeine and looks again, I just can't stand being disgusting anymore after I've seen how I looked back then, but I'm going back to my lowest point. I relapsed on sh, I developed an ED, I have pychosis but stopped taking meds for some reasons, this life is just not worth living if I'm just gonna waste it being on my phone screen 24/7.

Even when I try to talk about my wish to be reborn, people would either say things like "well what if you're reborn in a worse life" or they'll straight up bring hell, like I'm tired, I'm optimistic when it comes to afterlife, I know that nobody truly knows what's out there, but I'm sure it's way better than what I have now, I'm curious.

 

[nir]

You know, it truly doesn't get better when you live in a third world islamic country in poverty, I was unlucky in this life to be born in an underdeveloped country.
A country that lives in poverty, a country where women are criticized for doing anything, even if it's just going out to have fun with their friends, a country where none of my favorites bands or artists come to, a country where I can't even afford to dress however I like, travel, go hiking, go camping, a country where you can't even gain money online from other countries, basically all the things that I see girls on age from developed countries do, I wanna be reborn in a country where women are worth more than just their hymen, a country where women are actually being treated as human beings as not just imprisoned objects that should be shielded from the outside world.
I'm turning 20 this October and I spend 99% of my whole life inside my room, at some point of my life I didn't leave my room for 2 years and didn't even shower for 2 months, I was just bedrotting and waiting to die, I didn't find a point in doing anything anymore if this is how my life would be, I'm a drop out, I gave up on my studies be a we study in a foreign language that I can't speak, and I'm also stupid ngl. I use lucid dreaming as a way to live the life that I want, and even so, sometimes it ends up being a lucid nightmare, I wish I could just lucid dream forever and never wake up, I wish I could just wake up and find myself inside a new world, new people, new country, a lot money, new family, and especially, no islam.

People may think I'm no longer depressed or suicidal because I started taking care of my Hygeine and looks again, I just can't stand being disgusting anymore after I've seen how I looked back then, but I'm going back to my lowest point. I relapsed on sh, I developed an ED, I have pychosis but stopped taking meds for some reasons, this life is just not worth living if I'm just gonna waste it being on my phone screen 24/7.

Even when I try to talk about my wish to be reborn, people would either say things like "well what if you're reborn in a worse life" or they'll straight up bring hell, like I'm tired, I'm optimistic when it comes to afterlife, I know that nobody truly knows what's out there, but I'm sure it's way better than what I have now, I'm curious.

I'm so sorry. I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out a way for you to leave - I'm from Canada, and we have ways for people who are facing persecution due to gender, religion, sexuality, etc, to claim refugee status in the country upon arrival. Your English is really good, idk if it's your first language but it reads like it. I really wonder if somehow you could do an asylum claim in a different country. I feel like it would change your life and happiness completely. I'm so sorry you feel so stuck. This is heartbreaking.

 

[miq2k]

This is so so so true.
For me, it's a little different though.
Me and my family migrated to Germany when I was 5. But we're from Sudan (my mother is Vietnamese but lived her life in Egypt and Sudan.)Ever since I had turned 12, I lost all humanity tied to me. Monitored in every step. I was nothing more than a future mother with a husband and children..

It's diffrent for me though. I have money, I have more freedom, I live in a society where I can deny my parents when their religion tries to control me.
I'm not sure how to reply. I don't want to pity you, I don't want to flex with my extra rights..

Why did you drop out? Couldn't you have gotten a better education and ran?
I guess I can say that.. I don't know what your situation is like. Maybe I'm responding insensitively but I swear this is not how I mean it all.