I’d always thought suicide was just a thing that’d happen once things got bad enough.

[Bong-Hit-Transplant]

Like once your sine graph of happiness just hit a certain y value your body would just self destruct. But I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that's not true.

You can spend months, years, a lifetime even, in pure agony. The fall to rock bottom isn't lethal. Your biology won't do you the favor of detecting a point of no return and flipping off the lights.

You have to be the one who decides when enough is enough, and it takes a monumental amount of willpower to do so.

I have a date coming up in the next few weeks. More of a general timeframe, but I intend to make it as infallible as I can. But I'm afraid of what happens if wuss out. Sometimes I visualize my best friend getting the news that I'm dead (narcissistic I know), and all of a sudden im terrified of death again.

I'm 100% logically satisfied with my decision to CTB, but I feel like if something happens and I don't go through with it this time, I never will. Like once I realize nothing happens if I break my self imposed deadline, my psyche will just keep putting it off. I just imagine feeling like I do right now at age 60 and it fills with so much dread.

Are you guys planning on doing something special to push you over the edge? Or do I just need a few more years of killing any semblance of hope inside of me before I'm at that point.

 

[idonntseethepoint]

Like once your sine graph of happiness just hit a certain y value your body would just self destruct. But I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that's not true.

You can spend months, years, a lifetime even, in pure agony. The fall to rock bottom isn't lethal. Your biology won't do you the favor of detecting a point of no return and flipping off the lights.

You have to be the one who decides when enough is enough, and it takes a monumental amount of willpower to do so.

I have a date coming up in the next few weeks. More of a general timeframe, but I intend to make it as infallible as I can. But I'm afraid of what happens if pussy out. Sometimes I visualize my best friend getting the news that I'm dead (narcissistic I know), and all of a sudden im terrified of death again.

I'm 100% logically satisfied with my decision to CTB, but I feel like if something happens and I don't go through with it this time, I never will. Like once I realize nothing happens if I break my self imposed deadline, my psyche will just keep putting it off. I just imagine feeling like I do right now at age 60 and it fills with so much dread.

Are you guys planning on doing something special to push you over the edge? Or do I just need a few more years of killing any semblance of hope inside of me before I'm at that point.

Wow, you have put my thoughts in to words perfectly. I think we all in the beginning under estimate the strength of SI. Only thing I can think is benzos or alcohol to make me relax and lower inhibitions a bit. Seems almost cruel that human beings don't recognise our own point of maximum suffering - and that we are programmed to try everything to carry on regardless.

 

[motel rooms]

Only thing I can think is benzos or alcohol to make me relax and lower inhibitions a bit.

That's tricky because they often relax you too much & you actually start feeling good or just fall asleep

 

[Burned out]

Or do I just need a few more years of killing any semblance of hope inside of me before I'm at that point.

I have been at the stage of being able to kill myself without hesitation (if it is convenient/certain) for years now, but that took 10-15 years to develop, and possibly happened only because of brain damaging prescription drugs ruining my inhibition. I am so inert that I've not been able to try unless a method is immediately available.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Like once your sine graph of happiness just hit a certain y value your body would just self destruct. But I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that's not true.

You can spend months, years, a lifetime even, in pure agony. The fall to rock bottom isn't lethal. Your biology won't do you the favor of detecting a point of no return and flipping off the lights.

You have to be the one who decides when enough is enough, and it takes a monumental amount of willpower to do so.

I have a date coming up in the next few weeks. More of a general timeframe, but I intend to make it as infallible as I can. But I'm afraid of what happens if wuss out. Sometimes I visualize my best friend getting the news that I'm dead (narcissistic I know), and all of a sudden im terrified of death again.

I'm 100% logically satisfied with my decision to CTB, but I feel like if something happens and I don't go through with it this time, I never will. Like once I realize nothing happens if I break my self imposed deadline, my psyche will just keep putting it off. I just imagine feeling like I do right now at age 60 and it fills with so much dread.

Are you guys planning on doing something special to push you over the edge? Or do I just need a few more years of killing any semblance of hope inside of me before I'm at that point.

Beautifully written. I disagree however that there is a definite rock bottom to hit. From my experience there is no floor or bottom to the pain that we can feel or experience at certain moment. There is always more and more and bigger and bigger and different flavours too

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, it can be hard to take our lives because of the SI, humans are programmed to live and that is the way we have evolved. It does require courage. This life can be so cruel and I think we deserve a right to a peaceful death. Many people probably do suffer for decades because they feel unable to ctb. Eventually I will get desperate and then I will do it.

 

[Motoko]

Like once your sine graph of happiness just hit a certain y value your body would just self destruct. But I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that's not true.

You can spend months, years, a lifetime even, in pure agony. The fall to rock bottom isn't lethal. Your biology won't do you the favor of detecting a point of no return and flipping off the lights.

You have to be the one who decides when enough is enough, and it takes a monumental amount of willpower to do so.

I have a date coming up in the next few weeks. More of a general timeframe, but I intend to make it as infallible as I can. But I'm afraid of what happens if wuss out. Sometimes I visualize my best friend getting the news that I'm dead (narcissistic I know), and all of a sudden im terrified of death again.

I'm 100% logically satisfied with my decision to CTB, but I feel like if something happens and I don't go through with it this time, I never will. Like once I realize nothing happens if I break my self imposed deadline, my psyche will just keep putting it off. I just imagine feeling like I do right now at age 60 and it fills with so much dread.

Are you guys planning on doing something special to push you over the edge? Or do I just need a few more years of killing any semblance of hope inside of me before I'm at that point.

What interests me the most, in the context of SI is that being alone and not planning to reproduce, doesn't turn off our SI magically, but why?
What's the point and main function of SI:
- does it only prevent us from dying?
- or SI also pushes us to reproduce?

Because when I think about it, in the context of our evolution, our SI made us to get away from death and at the same time to pass on genes to our children, so our population remains alive on this planet (why is that, is another matter, who knows).
But if I just know that I'm not going to reproduce, why doesn't it decrease my SI?
Why are we evolutionary programmed to stay here, even if we're not going to reproduce? Was it always like this? Or maybe advancement of humanity started to somehow interfere with our SI?

 

[logan]

What interests me the most, in the context of SI is that being alone and not planning to reproduce, doesn't turn off our SI magically, but why?
What's the point and main function of SI:
- does it only prevent us from dying?
- or SI also pushes us to reproduce?

Because when I think about it, in the context of our evolution, our SI made us to get away from death and at the same time to pass on genes to our children, so our population remains alive on this planet (why is that, is another matter, who knows).
But if I just know that I'm not going to reproduce, why doesn't it decrease my SI?
Why are we evolutionary programmed to stay here, even if we're not going to reproduce? Was it always like this? Or maybe advancement of humanity started to somehow interfere with our SI?

I think that in the past people did not live more than 30-50 years on average.

And that the survival instinct is one of the strongest and deepest instincts. Otherwise our species would certainly have died out in difficult times.

And we lived more in groups. Someone can also take care of the offspring without producing them themselves.

 

[seabed]

...

Didn't expect to see a fellow member of the Samsung Galaxy S8 Crew here. Hope everything works out for you.

 

[motel rooms]

But if I just know that I'm not going to reproduce, why doesn't it decrease my SI?

Why are we evolutionary programmed to stay here, even if we're not going to reproduce?

Because evolution isn't intelligent & sophisticated. It's a blind, inflexible process which neither knows nor cares about our thoughts & plans