I would be doing everyone a favor if I killed myself.

[BitterlyAlive]

I'm a worthless piece of shit. There must be something I give off like an aura that makes people think they have to care about me. Honestly.

I'm lazy. I haven't been looking for a better job. I don't do anything to help out around the house. My room is a mess. I don't take care of myself. I don't really talk to people. I just stay in my stupid room all day and do nothing. I don't care enough to do anything anymore - I've given up on any hobbies I had.

I whine about how shitty I feel but what have I done to deal with it? Taken some meds, gone to therapy. Oooh, big deal. I only gave two meds enough time in my system to work before quitting. The others were stopped after a few weeks because they made the suicidal urges more impulsive - but is that really a reason to stop? Was that just an excuse I made because I didn't want to power through and give them time to work?

I haven't really given any therapists a chance. I quit going to one because I felt too dismissed and I didn't feel like they wanted to work with me. The other fell through because my insurance decided to stop paying. I'm about to drop another because I don't trust them and just don't want to work with them. How dare I complain when I'm too stupid and stubborn to give therapy a chance?

At this rate, I'm definitely not going to get better. Nothing is going to change, I'm going to continue to be a parasite and a burden. People would be better off if I finally fucking killed myself.

The only thing I ever had going for me in life was being a good college student. How pathetic is that?

 

[Huntfish34]

I dont think it's pathetic at all,. Just a lot of your emotions / feelings you're going through. I have Many of those same struggles myself right now and I Fckn hate it. Wish I could be more positive for you,. But I really can't right now.

Just Know that you're not Alone,. And I wish you the Very best in life.

 

[RedDEE]

Who gives a fuck if your suicide does other people a favor or not? CTB is about you, not other people. If you want to CTB, it should be about you, and what's best for you, not other people.

And as far as the psychiatrist bullshit goes - fuck them. I've been through the whole psychiatrist, mental ward, getting meds shit before - and it doesn't help. The kind of medicine I need, they don't provide. The medicine I need is marijuana, a bottle of jack, and a tight pussy to fuck. But the psychiatrists don't provide that for me. Life doesn't provide that for me.

The only thing the doctors will give you is "synthetic" medicine that makes you fat, and turns you into the walking dead. Most people won't say this, because of fear of being ridiculed. I'll say it though, because I don't give a fuck. Don't take any medicines they give you. They will not help. The best thing you can do is self-medicate. Because you know your body, and the doctors don't. You've lived with yourself for how many years? 20? 30? 40? And the psychiatrist has known you how long? 1 hour? 30 minutes? 5 seconds?

You know what your body needs. You know what you need. Do what you need to do to find happiness, no matter what it is. Rely on yourself to get what you know you need.

There, I said it.

 

[Whenhopelostmemory]

I'm a worthless piece of shit. There must be something I give off like an aura that makes people think they have to care about me. Honestly.

I'm lazy. I haven't been looking for a better job. I don't do anything to help out around the house. My room is a mess. I don't take care of myself. I don't really talk to people. I just stay in my stupid room all day and do nothing. I don't care enough to do anything anymore - I've given up on any hobbies I had.

I whine about how shitty I feel but what have I done to deal with it? Taken some meds, gone to therapy. Oooh, big deal. I only gave two meds enough time in my system to work before quitting. The others were stopped after a few weeks because they made the suicidal urges more impulsive - but is that really a reason to stop? Was that just an excuse I made because I didn't want to power through and give them time to work?

I haven't really given any therapists a chance. I quit going to one because I felt too dismissed and I didn't feel like they wanted to work with me. The other fell through because my insurance decided to stop paying. I'm about to drop another because I don't trust them and just don't want to work with them. How dare I complain when I'm too stupid and stubborn to give therapy a chance?

At this rate, I'm definitely not going to get better. Nothing is going to change, I'm going to continue to be a parasite and a burden. People would be better off if I finally fucking killed myself.

The only thing I ever had going for me in life was being a good college student. How pathetic is that?

Exactly the fuck I'm going through too...not even kidding.. better off dead than alive

 

[TheSoundofTime]

I'm a worthless piece of shit. There must be something I give off like an aura that makes people think they have to care about me. Honestly.

I'm lazy. I haven't been looking for a better job. I don't do anything to help out around the house. My room is a mess. I don't take care of myself. I don't really talk to people. I just stay in my stupid room all day and do nothing. I don't care enough to do anything anymore - I've given up on any hobbies I had.

I whine about how shitty I feel but what have I done to deal with it? Taken some meds, gone to therapy. Oooh, big deal. I only gave two meds enough time in my system to work before quitting. The others were stopped after a few weeks because they made the suicidal urges more impulsive - but is that really a reason to stop? Was that just an excuse I made because I didn't want to power through and give them time to work?

I haven't really given any therapists a chance. I quit going to one because I felt too dismissed and I didn't feel like they wanted to work with me. The other fell through because my insurance decided to stop paying. I'm about to drop another because I don't trust them and just don't want to work with them. How dare I complain when I'm too stupid and stubborn to give therapy a chance?

At this rate, I'm definitely not going to get better. Nothing is going to change, I'm going to continue to be a parasite and a burden. People would be better off if I finally fucking killed myself.

The only thing I ever had going for me in life was being a good college student. How pathetic is that?

Well, first of all you might be going through depression of some kind and that is understandable - most of us did. From this message I feel sincere self-contempt. If eventually you want to find peace, you need to find it in yourself not outside. I know this shit sounds like guru-kind-of-thing but its not. I am not pro-life, I am suicidal myself, but your situation (although i don't know all the story) seems worth saving - and you, based on what is written here, have a chance.
so honestly and friendly - grow a pair and stand your ground and make your life better - if it doesn't work in any way - come back and check the "resource pannel" if you know what i mean..........

 

[TAW122]

Sorry to hear about your troubles and woes. My life isn't great either when I was in college, most of my time was just mundane, keeping up with semi decent grades (B-average, occasionally a "C" or two there) and just playing video games to cope and pass time. Life sucked during my college years and even for some time. The only thing that was semi-exciting for me then was meeting Lindsey Stirling (in 2012) before she became big or famous.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I could think of many people the world would be better off without but they're also the kind of people who would never say something like that. I'm sure what you say is not true.

Why do you think you're lazy? Because you're majorly depressed? Same boat. It's a consequence of something greater, a symptom. If there are things you can do to pull yourself out of your rut, then do them. If not? Then again, same boat. At that point I don't know what to tell you as I'm struggling with that myself.

 

[XYZ]

The only thing I ever had going for me in life was being a good college student. How pathetic is that

It is a great achievement and something you can feel proud of.

At this rate, I'm definitely not going to get better. Nothing is going to change, I'm going to continue to be a parasite and a burden.

I feel the exact same.

I whine about how shitty I feel but what have I done to deal with it?

This!!! Thx.

 

[meganblask22]

Nothing is ever going to get better - not in any lasting way. I don't even appreciate the moments of fleeting happiness anymore because I know it is bullshit and I will be thinking about killing myself again within minutes. I have done everything has told me to do for the past 30 years. NOTHING has created any long lasting type of change. So, if it hasn't gotten better how the hell will it? It won't. I have a couple people who have tried their best to help me and I know they will hate me for this but I can't do this shit anymore. I can't live this life.

 

[toforigivelife]

Your feelings are classic symptoms of major depression.

I don't know what kind of resources you have near where you live but it would be nice if you could find a place where you could focus on your mental health and at least give yourself a chance.

It'd be nice if you had a relative that you could stay with while you try a treatment and have the chance to focus on your health. Break away from your family for a while and give recovery a chance.

There are places like working farms and what are known as intentional communities where you can receive treatment and be with others who share your problems.