I work within mental health (sort of)

[wildflowers1996]

I feel like I'm (sort of) a hypocrite - but not really
I don't want to say who I work for (can't have my workplace finding out I'm here) but I work for a charity which isn't exactly a mental health charity, but mental health comes into it a lot - so I have some training around mental health. I'm not a therapist or anything like that
with my job we get a lot of people talking about wanting to ctb and I just feel weird - I spend most of my day trying to give people hope, and then I come here and talk about wanting to die
with my job it's the rule that we /have/ to get someone 'help' if they disclose wanting to ctb and we have details for them - to be fair, we explain this to people when they talk to us, so they're aware of this before they disclose anything, and sometimes I do think that if someone says they want to ctb that it is a cry for help - but perhaps they don't feel worthy of asking for help? and they actually /want/ us to get them help if that makes sense, but don't feel able to ask for it
the thing is that I feel everyone's situation is different - I don't suffer from the condition the people I work with have, but I feel like I can empathise with them because I know what it feels like to suffer if that makes sense? and ugh idk I come to this forum and there's a part of me which is just like "I should be encouraging people that things can get better" - because there ARE /some/ people who really, really want to ctb - and then they are glad in the future they didn't?
but I'm also aware that that is not the case for everyone - I'm not sure that I think things get better for everyone. of course I /hope/ that they do, but I don't think it's true and occasionally I do speak to someone at work and I just think - maybe this person would be better off not being here. And I feel awful for thinking that - but it does come from a place of compassion; I just hate seeing them suffer. But sometimes I wonder am I just having these thoughts because I'm mentally ill myself?
I just feel some guilt around my job - like - not to minimise anyone's pain, and of course I can't understand completely everyone's situation, but sometimes it just feels really ironic completing "risk assessments" for people and knowing if I was risk assessing myself, I would score more highly than most of the people I'm assessing...my workplace would've called the police on me if they knew I was here lol
I don't want to lose the job though whilst I'm still alive because even though it's hard hearing so many people suffering- I feel like - I /hope/ - that I'm able to help people, even if it's just a little? but I'm also so insecure, wondering if I might say the wrong thing to people- I have had some kind feedback, so I /hope/ that I'm helping people somehow, but especially lately because I'm feeling so awful I am starting to worry I'm not going to support vulnerable people well enough - because I'm in such a bad state myself?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't think it makes you hypocritical to offer other people other ideas and perspectives. I was a hotline operator for a while. These things might resonate with them even if they don't resonate. I don't think the coerced "help" makes you a hypocrite especially since you explicitly warn them. Others might find you as such but if you're not the one who initiates the process then it will be someone else and it sounds like you at least care.

But there's nothing more human than being a filthy, stinking hypocrite anyways.

 

[TAW122]

That's a tough position to be in and while I'm not a mandated reporter or so, I can understand where someone may be obligated or even legally required to do so (not you but other people in other professions). Like LaVieEnRose said, you did inform them ahead of time, so this way they at least have some expectation of what would happen should they choose to open up about their issues. I think that as long as you respect their wishes (e.g. not going out of the way or proactively monitoring them and intruding on them in hopes of intervening or stopping them) even if you are doing your job or what is required by your employer/law (to avoid consequences for yourself) then I don't think you are a hypocrite in that sense..