B
bluesleep
Member
- Apr 1, 2019
- 43
I woke up at noon after a fight with my mother. I thought about my father and my only sister, who died a few years back (she hanged herself), and about how I don't have any friends and my financial future might be at jeopardy. I'm thinking of partial hanging now, but I can't do it sober. However since I've been getting drunk every day for about 4 months it's harder and harder to do it. Antidepressants didn't work at all for me. I just wish I could reach a state where SI wouldn't kick it but I don't know how yet.
Hell I've explicitly told my mother that I want to kill myself and she doesn't react, maybe she doesn't know what to do, but at least she won't be surprised when it happens. She won't be able to say she didn't see it coming.
I needed to vent. I'm so desperate. I just wish I knew of a sure, as painless as possible way out. I think I've suffered enough and I deserve to die.
EDIT: I feel less hunger everyday. I wish I could starve to death but I know that takes weeks, sadly. I don't want to do anything that keeps me alive.
Hell I've explicitly told my mother that I want to kill myself and she doesn't react, maybe she doesn't know what to do, but at least she won't be surprised when it happens. She won't be able to say she didn't see it coming.
I needed to vent. I'm so desperate. I just wish I knew of a sure, as painless as possible way out. I think I've suffered enough and I deserve to die.
EDIT: I feel less hunger everyday. I wish I could starve to death but I know that takes weeks, sadly. I don't want to do anything that keeps me alive.
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