Hey,
I apologize in advance for the long post.
I'm a 20 year old guy, I've been struggling with depression since I was 13 but it all started when I was a child as I've been abused, molested, thrown around to different people to live with as my parents were separated and couldn't really take care of me, matter of fact I've never lived with them and I don't know how does it feel to be loved by parents.
After my chaotic childhood I've moved to Italy most of the times I was alone, made fun of by people for being "weird" got bullied in school I managed to also get some gf that all cheated on me. And now here I am in my home country all day in my house doing nothing…
As of now I've got a gf but she is mad at me and disappointed as I'm acting as a child and i desperately want her back witch I know it's wrong and she has all the rights to feel that way only problem is that she is all I have right now and without her supporting me I go into deeper hole every single day ofc she doesn't need too but that would be nice tbh.
I've tried suiciding 1 week ago or so by hanging but I failed as the string wasn't strong enough and it wasn't high enough and now all I feel every single day is a heavy pain in my chest and my head is telling me to escape witch I know is wrong to suicide I know I should push and try to better myself not for others but for me but what's the point in doing that if it's only for myself I'd rather die all I want is love to someone to console me and hug me but I can't get that and never will probably.
I'm a religious person I believe that god exist and I do not blame him for my life it's my fault and I know it and if I end up in hell it's my own fault not his all I wish is that he would help me a little bit more because this is too exhausting everything I try I fail I'm jobless, no friends, my gf thinks I'm a joke, people think I'm a joke. And no matter how hard I try I fail…
I wish you guys could help me by giving me some information on how to end my life. I'm 1.81 cm 59 kgs any advice on quick methods?
I cannot jump from high buildings as there aren't here in country, I can't cut myself as probably I'll stop before actually doing it so idk maybe pills but witch one?
I also wanna say sorry for all the people that maybe care about me im truly sorry im trying my best but my mind is stopping me I can't sleep I can't eat I can't drink water i can't feel emotions as normal person and I know im in the wrong maybe im unlovable or maybe im just stupid but I truly truly wish the best for all the people in the world so that they won't have to feel how I feel because this feelings are so dark and bloody that death is much better.
I apologize in advance for the long post.
I'm a 20 year old guy, I've been struggling with depression since I was 13 but it all started when I was a child as I've been abused, molested, thrown around to different people to live with as my parents were separated and couldn't really take care of me, matter of fact I've never lived with them and I don't know how does it feel to be loved by parents.
After my chaotic childhood I've moved to Italy most of the times I was alone, made fun of by people for being "weird" got bullied in school I managed to also get some gf that all cheated on me. And now here I am in my home country all day in my house doing nothing…
As of now I've got a gf but she is mad at me and disappointed as I'm acting as a child and i desperately want her back witch I know it's wrong and she has all the rights to feel that way only problem is that she is all I have right now and without her supporting me I go into deeper hole every single day ofc she doesn't need too but that would be nice tbh.
I've tried suiciding 1 week ago or so by hanging but I failed as the string wasn't strong enough and it wasn't high enough and now all I feel every single day is a heavy pain in my chest and my head is telling me to escape witch I know is wrong to suicide I know I should push and try to better myself not for others but for me but what's the point in doing that if it's only for myself I'd rather die all I want is love to someone to console me and hug me but I can't get that and never will probably.
I'm a religious person I believe that god exist and I do not blame him for my life it's my fault and I know it and if I end up in hell it's my own fault not his all I wish is that he would help me a little bit more because this is too exhausting everything I try I fail I'm jobless, no friends, my gf thinks I'm a joke, people think I'm a joke. And no matter how hard I try I fail…
I wish you guys could help me by giving me some information on how to end my life. I'm 1.81 cm 59 kgs any advice on quick methods?
I cannot jump from high buildings as there aren't here in country, I can't cut myself as probably I'll stop before actually doing it so idk maybe pills but witch one?
I also wanna say sorry for all the people that maybe care about me im truly sorry im trying my best but my mind is stopping me I can't sleep I can't eat I can't drink water i can't feel emotions as normal person and I know im in the wrong maybe im unlovable or maybe im just stupid but I truly truly wish the best for all the people in the world so that they won't have to feel how I feel because this feelings are so dark and bloody that death is much better.
