First of all, it really pains me to hear about what you've been through, even without knowing the gory details. Each time I hear of such things happening, I only wish I could have been there to protect you. The situation feels like pure tragedy. I see the most primitive people getting away with murder, gentle souls being destroyed by grief and helpless bystanders watching the most extreme injustices play out.
Having said that, I am very keen on the topic of NDEs, and suicide NDEs in particular. The consensus of top NDE researchers like Kevin Williams is that most suicides have the same blissful afterlife experiences as non-suicides, though some exceptions have been noted. That minority of earthbound or void NDEs have been attributed to a lesser spiritual state of the deceased, their motivation, their degree of worldly attachments and so on. Thus, the heavenly experience you alluded to is typical, yet fascinating nonetheless.
No pressure, but if you feel comfortable sharing any details of your experience I would love to hear it. The other thing is that this field of research can shed some light on your other questions, and I'd be happy to give you my perspective in case it may help you find closure and peace. It's relevant to me as I am also on the edge due to issues attributable to a sadistic Nfather too.
Thank you. I oftentimes wish that, if there is a chance at being immortal and powerful in the afterlife, that I could become a guardian angel or something and save children from cruel fates similar to mine or worse. It really is sickening how life plays out. How the most evil seem to not just get away with murder, but are rewarded for it while the innocent are punished for speaking out and the helpless bystanders may be caught in the crossfire if they stand around too long.
(In my case, one of the bystanders enabled this abuse and rationalized it as something that isn't as bad as another helpless relative's abuse, but I digress. That is a story for another day.)
That's amazing to hear! I've researched here and there, but never too in-depth as I'm incapable of holding information in my memory for long nowadays. (I blame the drugs and lack of sleep tbh.) Also, I'm very sorry that you're also suffering because of your father's evilness. I wish I could help take away that pain from both of us.
In regards to the NDE, well... It was the last time instead of the first. The first time was a void where I met myself (long story but it came from a halfhearted, impulsive attempt a few years ago before graduation), but the last one was different. It was better and I suppose it was because I was ready for death at that moment, but idk.
I felt weightless and calm, as if I was floating in air. There was a strange area that kinda looked like a tropical island but it was so bright, lively, and the weather was nice. I saw people I recognized, but those I also didn't. I saw a person who gave me this look of pure love — all of them did, but this particular person looked at me with an unbridled intensity, like a long lost lover meeting their soulmate again.
One of them told me that I was home, but I wasn't able to stay as I had some "unfinished business" on earth to tend to. They told me, "in a few years, it'll be your time." Another told me, "come back soon, Mateo. We'll be waiting for you."
After that, I started seeing signs and having dreams that pointed to heaven, my personal heaven. I found myself studying the signs and symbols in my day-to-day life and getting back into meditation and spirituality after that. The signs are getting stronger as my time draws near, I believe, but I'm interested in hearing your perspective on the matter.
I really don't want to go but I absolutely cannot stay.
Same.
Existing really is so horrific and it's so tragic and awful how all this endless torture continues to exist in this world, causing living beings to suffer. The option of suicide really should be more straightforward for us, it's what we deserve after being forced to endure a life that we never asked for in the first place. When suicide becomes complicated and risky then existence is certainly prison like and denying people the option of peaceful methods will just lead to more unnecessary suffering being experienced where people have to struggle so much in leaving this world. It certainly is so unfair and your feelings of wishing to leave are understandable. No amount of words could really describe my dislike for existing.
I completely agree. There's a certain insidiousness that comes with living in this world, as if it's an overcrowded hell with demons in human clothing forcing you to stay for their sick pleasure.
