I wish someone taught me I can have bfs without sex involved. I wouldn’t be so destroyed mentally my goodness

[Journeytoletgo]

If only someone told me this and if that guy didn't respect that wish then SEE YA. I wish I knew this, loved myself and accepted myself and self respected myself more it was so simple and to work on my social skills now I'm destroyed ready to leave this realm.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I'm a male, and I feel having regular sex is like trying to have regular Oxycodone, or regular gorging on cakes and Pepsi, or any other destructive, lustful, gluttonous, sin-like behaviour to have to struggle with. It's bad for the mind to regularly allow lust or gluttony to win. And this one's even worse because it involves the 'use' of someone else's body, their consent, and their feeling like doing it, which isn't always synced with yours. It's just too difficult. I'd rather just knock-one-out and stay single.

 

[its-about-time]

Somewhere along the line I developed a belief that I'm only good for sex. Nobody wants to be my friend, nobody actually cares about me, they just want to have sex with me. It makes platonic friendships quite confusing and distressing. I've always encouraged the cycle by basically making myself available for sex to everyone who's interested. The courting phase makes me feel loved. I don't actually enjoy sex that much. With many one night hookups I don't even let them touch me back, I just do all the work. I decided to stop having sex at the end of last year and it's been a good shift for me. I can take care of my own needs just fine and now without the mental torment that comes with sleeping with other people.

 

[Belljar]

This happened to me. And all the guys who just used me knowing I was mentally ill and lonely are evil.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

This happened to me. And all the guys who just used me knowing I was mentally ill and lonely are evil.

I wouldn't say they are "evil" just opportunist. Unfortunately if you're not aware of male nature you will be taken advantage of. You have to be really strong and wise and know what it is you want out of the situation. I have mental health issues too and low self esteem from skin condition and bullying. I was so DESPERATE for male attention and I regret it. The grass was not greener on the other side because I allowed the WRONG men in . I wish I valued myself even if I was ugly realized my social position sooner and played wiser and stayed away from them. Friends is fine but no physical contact, alcohol or drugs near them they will take advantage of you if given the opportunity that is their nature. It's nature in itself and if you don't know this as a teenage girl and or in your 20s you will be chewed up and swallowed and ATE by them. I prefer to use a dildo.

I'm sorry what happened to you though I relate it's traumatic and I can't even leave the house now beside work I'm afraid of them approaching me

 

[Klo]

I wish sex positivity was actually practiced in my time but I feel like you cannot have it without ethics and ethics were seriously lacking in my experiences with most partners. It really bothers me that because our whole society is so weird and childish about sex it has really opened the door to all sorts of adversarial and unhealthy interactions and it also gives cover to much of the abusive and perverse practices that happen out of sight. Also the weird repression keeps us from learning what we need to know to make good choices for ourselves.

I wish I had known more about things that matter when I was younger. I do feel that there is more awareness of matters of consent these days but it seems like as whole we have a long way to go before society has healthy sexual practices.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I was raised in a somewhat conservative family by societal standards.

If the world was not going in the direction it is headed in I would have wanted that lifestyle and I would have been very happy to shack up with a woman. Very young I realized the family lifescript is not viable or ethical in our collapsing world and I decided to go the hedonistic route instead.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I was raised in a somewhat conservative family by societal standards.

If the world was not going in the direction it is headed in I would have wanted that lifestyle and I would have been very happy to shack up with a woman. Very young I realized the family lifescript is not viable or ethical in our collapsing world and I decided to go the hedonistic route instead.

Can you explain the hedonistic route?

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

Can you explain the hedonistic route?

Sex with many partners and avoiding serious relationships or commitment. These are not worth the time in our failing global civilization. It seems in prior times people took this pattern as well , when things looked shaky late stage empires had a lot of decadent activities such as this

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Sex with many partners and avoiding serious relationships or commitment. These are not worth the time in our failing global civilization. It seems in prior times people took this pattern as well , when things looked shaky late stage empires had a lot of decadent activities such as this

Same happened to me out of desperation I wish I stuck to my wait until marriage value and never had sex so what if I was a virgin I'd be more happier now I slept with the wrong men yuck lol

 

[Dizzylady80]

People kind of assume that kids are just gonna know this intuitively, but it really is something that has to be taught

 

[Journeytoletgo]

People kind of assume that kids are just gonna know this intuitively, but it really is something that has to be taught

EXACTLY.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

This is true. Though, when you're young, sex is an important part of a relationship for most people. It can often be a deal breaker. Humans are wired to crave intimacy.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

The longer the relationship, the less important sex is--Also, when you get older, past 50, sex matters little at any stage of a relationship--I think there is some 'dating without sex' groups on the internet

If you observe older generations many of them were content to stay together for life.

But the boomers really bought into cheating and leaving their spouses and families

 

[Ashu]

The longer the relationship, the less important sex is--Also, when you get older, past 50, sex matters little at any stage of a relationship

Oh really. My wife and I are in our fifties, and we fuck like beasts.