i wish saying you’re going to CTB wasn’t so manipulative.

[gizzreid]

so i reached out to the partner who ghosted me, i'm sure i'm recognizable at this point with the rainbow hair /hj

he texted me back and asked to talk and essentially he's breaking up with me and man i'm a shitty person when he puts it all in perspective but that's another story. i've been begging him, he's working right now so he can't reply as much, but the fact he's replying instead of just saying no is a good sign?

i so badly want to tell tell him my plans to CTB. not to be like "if you leave i'll kms!!", just so he's aware. but it's just looked at as manipulative whatever way you play it. i wish he knew. i wish he could be prepared.

 

[FuneralGrey]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's a shame that it is seen as manipulative, even when you try to frame it in a way that isn't meant as such. I've often fantasized about telling my loved ones, so I can at least try to prepare them for what's to come, but it is always seen as manipulative or attention-seeking.

I hope you're able to peacefully resolve or conclude things with your partner.

 

[dimstar]

Hes talking to you, he still cares just not in the way you want rn. We cant control peoples feeling and have to try and live with it. Maybe a little space and things will change. Cant change the past just work on being better in the future. I very much relate to your situation. Its extremely painful and feels so lonely. Telling them about ctb isn't something you can take back and I dont think anyone will ever react the way we want or need them to. I'm sorry I hope you find it comforting talking again and knowing you can work on continuing that in the future.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I think most people simply do not understand that what someone else does to you can elicit suicidality, even if it's not their fault nor their intention to do so. Nor is it their obligation to have their decision making swayed by it, unless they genuinely care about the other person and would have chosen to stay regardless of the other party's suicidality. Sometimes, shit happens and people's fleeting presence and absence can deeply wound you, even if we have very little control over the thoughts and feelings of others and have to let them choose their own path. It isn't immoral by any means.. Just simply an unfortunate reality of life.

However, it is far easier for people to cry manipulation or throw out accusations of attention seeking than to recognize that human interactions, emotions, and behaviours are a complex, multifacted engima that can't be boiled down and reduced to the basic motivations. Sometimes people can do actions which really hurt, but there is no moral high ground to be had, it's just unfortunate and tragic- for example, a break up.

While there likely are a few people out there who falsely claim to be suicidal for malicious reasons, those people clearly have some other underlying issue at play that isn't understood or able to be managed by modern medicine. But I'd say this number is so small and insignificant compared to the number of people who are genuinely suicidal and have no ill-intentions in disclosing it to someone.

I think the accusations of manipulation only stem from societal norms about suicide, wherein other people are held responsible for prevention at all costs. If this weren't drilled into everyone's head as a moral principle, that they must forcibly stop suicide at all costs and if they don't, it makes them an awful person who failed their loved one and potentially committed an immoral act, I don't think there would be such an outcry about suicidal ideation being manipulative.

If others weren't forced to have the obligation and responsibility of prevention at all costs, and to shoulder the burden of guilt if they're unable to influence the suicidal party's decision, I don't think these accusations of I'll-intent would be so prominent.

I am so sorry for what you're going through with your partner. In a more compassionate world, you'd be able to discuss your honest thoughts and feelings about this matter, and it is so awful that you have to feel so alone and lack the space to have an honest conversation about this topic without being accused of malice.

 

[gizzreid]

Hes talking to you, he still cares just not in the way you want rn. We cant control peoples feeling and have to try and live with it. Maybe a little space and things will change. Cant change the past just work on being better in the future. I very much relate to your situation. Its extremely painful and feels so lonely. Telling them about ctb isn't something you can take back and I dont think anyone will ever react the way we want or need them to. I'm sorry I hope you find it comforting talking again and knowing you can work on continuing that in the future.

agreed. he said we'll continue the talk tomorrow because he needs to sleep. but that's a good sign because he's not the type to actively continue a conversation like this if he had no interest in reconciling. so there's still apart of him that wants to at least

I think most people simply do not understand that what someone else does to you can elicit suicidality, even if it's not their fault nor their intention to do so. Nor is it their obligation to have their decision making swayed by it, unless they genuinely care about the other person and would have chosen to stay regardless of the other party's suicidality. Sometimes, shit happens and people's fleeting presence and absence can deeply wound you, even if we have very little control over the thoughts and feelings of others and have to let them choose their own path. It isn't immoral by any means.. Just simply an unfortunate reality of life.

However, it is far easier for people to cry manipulation or throw out accusations of attention seeking than to recognize that human interactions, emotions, and behaviours are a complex, multifacted engima that can't be boiled down and reduced to the basic motivations. Sometimes people can do actions which really hurt, but there is no moral high ground to be had, it's just unfortunate and tragic- for example, a break up.

While there likely are a few people out there who falsely claim to be suicidal for malicious reasons, those people clearly have some other underlying issue at play that isn't understood or able to be managed by modern medicine. But I'd say this number is so small and insignificant compared to the number of people who are genuinely suicidal and have no ill-intentions in disclosing it to someone.

I think the accusations of manipulation only stem from societal norms about suicide, wherein other people are held responsible for prevention at all costs. If this weren't drilled into everyone's head as a moral principle, that they must forcibly stop suicide at all costs and if they don't, it makes them an awful person who failed their loved one and potentially committed an immoral act, I don't think there would be such an outcry about suicidal ideation being manipulative.

If others weren't forced to have the obligation and responsibility of prevention at all costs, and to shoulder the burden of guilt if they're unable to influence the suicidal party's decision, I don't think these accusations of I'll-intent would be so prominent.

I am so sorry for what you're going through with your partner. In a more compassionate world, you'd be able to discuss your honest thoughts and feelings about this matter, and it is so awful that you have to feel so alone and lack the space to have an honest conversation about this topic without being accused of malice.

agreed with all of it. i hate how specific phrases and actions are tied to manipulations, or just general bad acts, when intent should definitely have a lot to do with it. assuming someone is bringing up suicide in a breakup or argument is doing it to manipulate you or get attention directly stems from just general misconceptions about suicide. sometimes you want to bring it up not as a "stay me or i'll die" but as a "i'm afraid of what i may to to myself" instead. sometimes bringing suicide up is a cry for help, or even just a forewarning if you don't want help. it just sucks that suicide is stigmatized in two ways: on one hand the "end suicide" campaigns and treating us like kids who don't know what we want, on the other hand we're selfish monsters who bring up suicide to manipulate and destroy lives.

 

[Hirokami]

Honestly, I hate it, too. I never once phrased my thoughts as, "if you leave me, I'll kill myself" yet people assume that's the case. If anything, being alone would make it that much easier for me to go through with it. For one, getting caught would be harder.

Two, I don't have to think about leaving anyone behind and all the drama and finger-pointing that would ensue if I were gone. If I'm being "manipulative", logically, the only manipulation I would ever do is to get others to leave me; though, I don't exactly have that in me, either.