Venting I wish people would accept me

[notsoinnocent]

I wouldn't be suprised if I sounded stupid right now but maybe I'd love myself even a little more if people didn't think of me as a weirdo for what I identify as.
I'm queer, if you really wanna be specific I'm genderqueer, asexual, and pansexual (the last one being the only one that feels socially acceptable to mention.) I feel like everyone looks at me like I'm a weirdo, it's nothing new ofc since everyone has been treating me like that for these things before I ever had a lable to put on them..

when it comes to being asexual it's like the moment I even slightly mention I just don't feel attracted to that stuff whoever I'm talking to makes it their personal mission to try to "fix" me. It never ends up working and usually either I end up cutting them off because them constantly being weird and crossing my boundaries becomes too much for me or they eventually get fed up that they can't make me want to have sex that they leave me. I've had SO many friendships end that way even with people who claimed to be in love with me that over time I've grown to feel horrible about it to the point I avoid mentioning it as much as possible to avoid judgement. I know it's not my fault nor do I blame myself since I can't control it and I never asked to be this way but people's reactions always seem so negative that I feel like even briefly mentioning it will ruin my friendships.

Onto the genderqueer part, in all honesty I haven't come out about that part yet and I'm not sure I really plan to. As of now to most of my friends, boyfriend, and on most socials I just say I'm a transboy since I guess if you extremely simplify my feelings about my gender then the closest thing you could call me is that. Mainly because I was not born a boy but I want to be referred by he/him and most masc terms BUT I dont really feel like that fits me and my gender has always been extremely complicated that it's impossible to explain to anyone!!! Another thing is that I don't make any attempt to pass since I feel extremely disconnected from my physical body to the point I don't even see it as me but also because I don't get enough dysphoria to warrent spending money on any efforts to pass (plus it's not like I'd live that long anyways.) So to the eyes of many if I were to explain that I want to be referred to as a guy but I wouldn't 100% consider myself one and I also don't look like one, I'm just a girl trying to hard to be different which is exactly why I don't want to tell anyone. I'd just rather tell people I'm a transboy who just doesn't have the money to pass nor is in a safe space to do so but I feel awful for lying about it (even though techically im not lying about the reasons Im broke and my family would prob disown me for trying to transition)

Another thing is that I feel that most people (including other queer people) hold so much hate for people who aren't queer in a more "normal" way and I'm very much one of those people so I feel awful for even existing in a way. How could I ever love myself if my own community hates me???? I know some people would prob say I shouldn't care what people online think but not only do people irl hold those same beliefs but it feels like they're even more harsh about it!! I don't hate myself for being like this because again I never asked to be like this but how am I supposed to want to live if who I am fundamentally is hated by everyone!?

 

[Cauliflour]

I wouldn't say you're weird, you just have shitty friends, according to the asexual paragraph. For the whole genderqueer thing, I don't know a lot on non-binaryism because I'm cis so idk what the feeling is like on a deeper level, but I think you should just explain that you're genderqueer. If somebody doesn't know what the term means, say that your gender identity is complicated but you like most masculine terms. Also isn't genderqueer just an older term for non-binaryism? I guess it has a more general connotation but maybe the terminology itself is something to consider.

I want to be referred to as a guy but I wouldn't 100% consider myself one and I also don't look like one

Why not just say this as a descriptor? It kinda reads like demigenderism to me with a different kind of gender expression.

Another thing is that I feel that most people (including other queer people) hold so much hate for people who aren't queer in a more "normal" way and I'm very much one of those people so I feel awful for even existing in a way. How could I ever love myself if my own community hates me???? I know some people would prob say I shouldn't care what people online think but not only do people irl hold those same beliefs but it feels like they're even more harsh about it!! I don't hate myself for being like this because again I never asked to be like this but how am I supposed to want to live if who I am fundamentally is hated by everyone!?

The kinds of people who gatekeep online are people who fuss too much over things that don't mean that much overall. I don't know what to do about the irl people because I can't relate, but seriously, don't care about the people who are fussy about queer people not being "normal" enough. Queer is queer, we're all going against the norm here, putting others down to appease the system is less effective than they think. Do you use tiktok a lot? There's a lot of losers over there who want to feel superior by calling others cringe. Also this community is massive, there's definetly places where people like you can be more open (that aren't on the suicide forum).

 

[DarkFriend.]

Well I don't hate you, and I am queer too (pan). Also I can relate to your asexual feelings. I identified as ace or at least on that spectrum up until the end of my 20s (31 now).

I'm sorry that the world has to be this way, and that sex is so important for so many people. I know it is hard. Also, I know it's doubly hard because you're trans and not queer "in a normal way" like you say.

Nothing I can say here will change things, but I just want you to know that you are heard, and you are valid, and you are not hated by all queers.

 

[catonline]

hey I'm genderqueer too! there are absolutely spaces out there that would accept you, they just might be harder to find
I feel you so hard on the "how am I supposed to want to live if who I am fundamentally is hated by everyone!?" I spend a lot of time worrying about people hating me for who I am that I could spend with the people who do care about me, it's not an easy thought to work with and hell I still struggle but connecting to the few people I do know helps a lot, do you have any safe online spaces you can be yourself in if people irl wouldn't understand?

also I've never understood the internalized queer hate in lgbtq+ spaces, like "you can be weird but not too weird!!" it makes no sense and is so hypocritical

tl;dr is not everyone hates you (I don't! I love "weird" queers) you just gotta find spaces that work for you and maybe work on caring about what other people think less? though that's much harder and I haven't fully done that sooo finding comfort and similar people might work better!

 

[notsoinnocent]

hey I'm genderqueer too! there are absolutely spaces out there that would accept you, they just might be harder to find
I feel you so hard on the "how am I supposed to want to live if who I am fundamentally is hated by everyone!?" I spend a lot of time worrying about people hating me for who I am that I could spend with the people who do care about me, it's not an easy thought to work with and hell I still struggle but connecting to the few people I do know helps a lot, do you have any safe online spaces you can be yourself in if people irl wouldn't understand?

also I've never understood the internalized queer hate in lgbtq+ spaces, like "you can be weird but not too weird!!" it makes no sense and is so hypocritical

tl;dr is not everyone hates you (I don't! I love "weird" queers) you just gotta find spaces that work for you and maybe work on caring about what other people think less? though that's much harder and I haven't fully done that sooo finding comfort and similar people might work better!

Sorry for the late reply I dont usually check on my posts anywhere..

Im really glad im not the only one that feels this way and its awesome youve managed to find people who you can connect with!!! ♡
I personally havent found a safe space online since ive had bad experiences with people both online and irl my whole life it makes it extremely hard for me to even want to socialize sadly..

Also I know right??? Its always been really stupid to me that people could care so much about what someone else wants to label themselves with but yet everywhere I go I always seem to run into people like that.. at the end of the day the queerphobes hate us all so why does any of this matter??

Trust me though I am trying my best to not care about what others think but it's really hard especially without therapy yk? I really do hope I can find my own safe space online someday though </33 Thank you for replying your words mean a lot!!

 

[callmer]

Sounds like you are just surrounded by really insensitive people!!

 

[notsoinnocent]

sorry for the late reply I dont check on my posts after I post them </3

I wouldn't say you're weird, you just have shitty friends, according to the asexual paragraph. For the whole genderqueer thing, I don't know a lot on non-binaryism because I'm cis so idk what the feeling is like on a deeper level, but I think you should just explain that you're genderqueer. If somebody doesn't know what the term means, say that your gender identity is complicated but you like most masculine terms. Also isn't genderqueer just an older term for non-binaryism? I guess it has a more general connotation but maybe the terminology itself is something to consider.

Thankfully now I have better people in my life now who won't treat me as lesser than for being asexual it's just that I experienced that whole thing so many times it just feels like a negative reaction is to be expected if you get what I mean?

Also I honestly don't know I'm still figuring things out and stuff so there's a lot I need to look into.. I'm not the best at figuring myself out in all honesty. I wish I had an explaination for you but I don't know how to put my thoughts into words atm sorry

Why not just say this as a descriptor? It kinda reads like demigenderism to me with a different kind of gender expression.

I do say that whenever anyone asks me about my gender to but usually it just loops back into the whole "your just a girl trying too hard to be different" thing.. ^_^'

but seriously, don't care about the people who are fussy about queer people not being "normal" enough. Queer is queer, we're all going against the norm here, putting others down to appease the system is less effective than they think. Do you use tiktok a lot? There's a lot of losers over there who want to feel superior by calling others cringe. Also this community is massive, there's definetly places where people like you can be more open (that aren't on the suicide forum).

I do try my best not to care! Ive been working on it since after I posted it, it's just very hard for me to just instantly stop caring. I do agree though I don't get how those people think if others are just queer in an "acceptable" way that we'd be hated any less it's really stupid imo..


I suprisingly don't use tiktok a lot I use twitter more (not like it's much better but anyways..) but it's kinda been a general issue where it feels like no matter what app I'm on those types of people are all there and just wont up about it. I really do hope I can find my own space where I can be more myself on it though! I just need to look harder

Sounds like you are just surrounded by really insensitive people!!

Im not surrounded by as many people like that any more now, haven't really for like a year or two it's just more of a thing where its like I've had the same negative experience over and over to the point where it feels like a negative reaction is expected if ykwim?