Venting I wish I weren’t so picky about how I go

[yeahokbuddyboy]

I just want to die, man, I know I do but I also know the survival instincts and thoughts of loved ones will have a chance to kick in hard with pretty much any method I have access to…

All I want besides to die is to want to die more, so I can get it over with, or to have something that will do me in easily. If I had SN I would most likely be gone by now or at least somewhat at peace knowing I could go whenever.

I know it's like a guarded secret around here for whatever reason but I really need a way to get SN discretely in the US. If someone knowledgeable on that subject reads this please help me out.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's very cruel and horrible to me how it's purposely made so difficult for people to die, I hate how we cannot have the option to just free ourselves from this existence in peace whenever we wish to. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

It's an absolute pain in the ass finding the right method. I originally resigned myself to jumping, then had second thoughts and looked into inert gas, and then carbon monoxide method.
Why can't I just make up my mind and get on with it ?
Yet, if I had Nembutal then I would be so utterly relieved because I wouldn't hesitate to use it.

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

It's an absolute pain in the ass finding the right method. I originally resigned myself to jumping, then had second thoughts and looked into inert gas, and then carbon monoxide method.
Now I'm thinking of jumping again aaarrrggghnh ! Why can't I just make up my mind and get on with it ?
Yet, if I had Nembutal then I would be so utterly relieved because I wouldn't hesitate to use it.

That's about where I'm at too. Like there's nothing stopping my lazy self except debating all the different processes.

Carbon monoxide was my original plan but I have mostly changed my mind and now I just feel dumb because I've had a whole charcoal grill setup in my trunk for over a month. Hoping nobody sees it and asks why it's there this winter lol

In other news I think I did find some legit SN online last night from a random brick-and-mortar store in the US, hoping they're able to ship to me

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

That's about where I'm at too. Like there's nothing stopping my lazy self except debating all the different processes.

Carbon monoxide was my original plan but I have mostly changed my mind and now I just feel dumb because I've had a whole charcoal grill setup in my trunk for over a month. Hoping nobody sees it and asks why it's there this winter lol

In other news I think I did find some legit SN online last night from a random brick-and-mortar store in the US, hoping they're able to ship to me

I live in the UK, so don't really know of any reliable sources in the USA.
Good luck with the supplier you've found. Are you able to source Metoclopramide too ?

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

Are you able to source Metoclopramide too ?

I haven't picked an antiemetic yet, as making sure I can get SN is priority #1 right now. I'm hoping so, though. Probably going to go through the drugs listed on the megathread soon.

 

[Action]

I just want to die, man, I know I do but I also know the survival instincts and thoughts of loved ones will have a chance to kick in hard with pretty much any method I have access to…

All I want besides to die is to want to die more, so I can get it over with, or to have something that will do me in easily. If I had SN I would most likely be gone by now or at least somewhat at peace knowing I could go whenever.

I know it's like a guarded secret around here for whatever reason but I really need a way to get SN discretely in the US. If someone knowledgeable on that subject reads this please help me out.

I can totally relate to what you're describing. That's exactly how I feel too.

 

[yeahokbuddyboy]

I can totally relate to what you're describing. That's exactly how I feel too.

It's like the weird limbo of it that sucks so bad. I just want to feel better or worse; not this weird in-between.

 

[Fimbulvetr]

That's about where I'm at too. Like there's nothing stopping my lazy self except debating all the different processes.

Carbon monoxide was my original plan but I have mostly changed my mind and now I just feel dumb because I've had a whole charcoal grill setup in my trunk for over a month. Hoping nobody sees it and asks why it's there this winter lol

In other news I think I did find some legit SN online last night from a random brick-and-mortar store in the US, hoping they're able to ship to me

I mean, you can always use a grill to cook whenever, so you can use that as an excuse I'm sure!

 

[hermestrimegistus]

Personally I am not exactly picky about how I CTB so much as I need a guarantee that it will work. I can't disfigure or disable myself and have to live after a failed attempt. That would leave me feeling worse off than I feel now. What I really need to know is that I'm not going to fail. I'd want an old car running in a closed garage and just drink myself to sleep but it's not available to me