I wish I wasn't in college

[cii]

I'm going to ctb soon, whenever I am alone in the house. Recovery is impossible for me, I wish I'd never believed those people and tried to stick around. Just worthless, so much time wasted. The future I wanted is nothing but a pipe dream, it's not something someone like me can achieve. It took me long enough to realise that, but at least I know that now.

And as if the fact that I can't ctb this second isn't bad enough, I have a shit ton of assignments pending and I've fucked up my midterms already too. I don't need this stress, but I feel so guilty just giving up on college since I'm still alive. Maybe I should give up on it, it'll give me motivation to ctb. But I shouldn't give up on it, my teacher extended our deadline out of kindness and I feel bad letting them down. Why can't I fucking make a choice and stick with it?!

I just want some peace. It sucks that I have to die to get it.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

You are an adult and have freedom of choice but have you considered drifting from the norm and not caring what anyone thinks?
Sounds like you are stressed due to failing to live up to societies expectations or fearing you wont.
Who cares if you end up as a bun drinking with hobos? Some of the most interesting people I met have been like that.
You can give up on life without killing yourself.
(っ´ω`)ﾉ(╥ω╥)

 

[Nymph]

And as if the fact that I can't ctb this second isn't bad enough, I have a shit ton of assignments pending and I've fucked up my midterms already too

Same:( sorry you're going through this. School is a prison and it's hell. I also still go to school because I was 1 year late, I went to a new school and they didn't let me skip a year so now I'm older than everyone in my class. I used to get bullied and the teachers in my current school are bullies. I fucking hate school and I feel your pain buddy. And guess what, either you're working already or your school is gonna end and we will just have to work till we die. Isn't this fun, I'm so excited to be alive

 

[cii]

You are an adult and have freedom of choice but have you considered drifting from the norm and not caring what anyone thinks?
Sounds like you are stressed due to failing to live up to societies expectations or fearing you wont.
Who cares if you end up as a bun drinking with hobos? Some of the most interesting people I met have been like that.
You can give up on life without killing yourself.
(っ´ω`)ﾉ(╥ω╥)

I don't really care what other people think, I care what I think. I know I have the brains to do well, but my disorder just keeps fucking me up and taking everything away from me. I've lost so many friendships and relationships and high school was extremely difficult, I had to retake exams multiple times. College is unfortunately not as forgiving, at least mine isn't. It's like I know I can be successful, I know I can have a good future, but it's all meaningless if I don't end up achieving it. And if I can't achieve what I want, what use is there in being alive? I can't do anything for myself or anyone else.

 

[NodusTollens]

I'm going to ctb soon, whenever I am alone in the house. Recovery is impossible for me, I wish I'd never believed those people and tried to stick around. Just worthless, so much time wasted. The future I wanted is nothing but a pipe dream, it's not something someone like me can achieve. It took me long enough to realise that, but at least I know that now.

And as if the fact that I can't ctb this second isn't bad enough, I have a shit ton of assignments pending and I've fucked up my midterms already too. I don't need this stress, but I feel so guilty just giving up on college since I'm still alive. Maybe I should give up on it, it'll give me motivation to ctb. But I shouldn't give up on it, my teacher extended our deadline out of kindness and I feel bad letting them down. Why can't I fucking make a choice and stick with it?!

I just want some peace. It sucks that I have to die to get it.

*sigh* Been there, sorry to hear you're swimming in assignments- it's far from a pleasant feeling. Sometimes it's hard to make these important decisions, so try not beat yourself up about it. I really hope everything works out the way you need it to. <3

 

[hoping to lose hope]

I don't really care what other people think, I care what I think. I know I have the brains to do well, but my disorder just keeps fucking me up and taking everything away from me. I've lost so many friendships and relationships and high school was extremely difficult, I had to retake exams multiple times. College is unfortunately not as forgiving, at least mine isn't. It's like I know I can be successful, I know I can have a good future, but it's all meaningless if I don't end up achieving it. And if I can't achieve what I want, what use is there in being alive? I can't do anything for myself or anyone else.

revaluate what "doing well" means and why it means what you think it means.
If you want money then why? also good to know your insatiable desire for wealth will never be quenched the same as fame or any desire.
Why do you have to "use your brains" to get a good job or do anything productive?
Why do you feel that need? There are no real expectation in life on a cosmic scale than to live until you die and biologically pass your genes on to start the nightmare all over again.
Maybe you need a change in philosophy OP

 

[cii]

revaluate what "doing well" means and why it means what you think it means.
If you want money then why? also good to know your insatiable desire for wealth will never be quenched the same as fame or any desire.
Why do you have to "use your brains" to get a good job or do anything productive?
Why do you feel that need? There are no real expectation in life on a cosmic scale than to live until you die and biologically pass your genes on to start the nightmare all over again.
Maybe you need a change in philosophy OP

I live in the third world, my mom is crazy and tried to overdose and blame it on us yesterday, my family life is awful. But I can't move out even though I do have a job because my country is conservative and only married couples/families can rent places, if I find roommates there is a high chance it will be in an unsafe place. I'd have to move to a different country to have a better life, and I was hoping I could go abroad for a good postgraduate degree and it would be my ticket out of here. But I can't at the rate things are going now.
I understand where you're coming from, but no change in philosophy will make my living situation any more bearable. I've tried everything, philosophy, religion, taking a more positive outlook to life, but nothing has been able to help me. I'm tired of trying.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

philosophy is a luxury afforded to the privlaged

 

[demuic]

Recovery is impossible for me, I wish I'd never believed those people and tried to stick around. Just worthless, so much time wasted. The future I wanted is nothing but a pipe dream, it's not something someone like me can achieve. It took me long enough to realise that, but at least I know that now.

I completely relate to this. I had things I wanted to do, but with the conditions I have and the way I am, there's no way they can be achieved.

Right now I've taken a leave of absence from college because I had no motivation to do my assignments, since I have no purpose in life or anything I can reasonably pursue, and as of right now I'm not sure whether I actually want to go back or not, at least to the same school. Despite going to 2 different colleges I only have one completed semester behind me, this one having been an utter disaster, that I should have never attempted in the first place, but hindsight is 20/20.

And as if the fact that I can't ctb this second isn't bad enough, I have a shit ton of assignments pending and I've fucked up my midterms already too. I don't need this stress, but I feel so guilty just giving up on college since I'm still alive. Maybe I should give up on it, it'll give me motivation to ctb. But I shouldn't give up on it, my teacher extended our deadline out of kindness and I feel bad letting them down. Why can't I fucking make a choice and stick with it?!

If you feel like you want to give up, then give up. I don't know how it works in your country, but you may have a chance to go back to college later. Have you tried to reach out your college for help or to see what options you may have? You have no obligation to anyone, but yourself, to do what's right for you, whatever that may mean.

 

[cii]

I completely relate to this. I had things I wanted to do, but with the conditions I have and the way I am, there's no way they can be achieved.

Right now I've taken a leave of absence from college because I had no motivation to do my assignments, since I have no purpose in life or anything I can reasonably pursue, and as of right now I'm not sure whether I actually want to go back or not, at least to the same school. Despite going to 2 different colleges I only have one completed semester behind me, this one having been an utter disaster, that I should have never attempted in the first place, but hindsight is 20/20.



If you feel like you want to give up, then give up. I don't know how it works in your country, but you may have a chance to go back to college later. Have you tried to reach out your college for help or to see what options you may have? You have no obligation to anyone, but yourself, to do what's right for you, whatever that may mean.

Thank you for sharing your feelings, thank god I'm not alone in this. I could relate to 90% of what you said. I will still try to ctb, but if that takes some time I will reach out to my college like you did and try to take a leave of absence too, that is a really good suggestion. Thank you so much.

 

[SmellyRat]

philosophy is a luxury afforded to the privlaged

 

[rayofsunshine]

i'm honestly really happy i stubbled upon your thread. i'm in the same position and it feels good to know i'm not alone. i'm planning to ctb soon, so i can't find a point in continuing my college classes. i was actually planning on dropping out today so i can just stop thinking about it, but then i'd feel even worse about myself. i reached out to 3 out of 4 of my teachers and asked for an extension and they were all super understanding. so i feel the same, like i'm disappointing them or something. but the more time goes on, the more i realize there's absolutely no purpose in stressing over pointless assignments. to make matters worse i only have 3ish weeks left and i don't even have the motivation to pull through that. i've been beating myself up over it and i'm at a loss at what to do. do i stay in school and try my best for the next few weeks? or do i just completely stop and feel like shit about myself? it's not going to matter in the end, so why try?

 

[summers]

OP, I read your whole post, but even if I hadn't done so, I would agree with you. College is usually a waste of time and money for many people. Unless you want to become a doctor, lawyer, or accountant, I would always recommend going to a trade or technical school.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I hope things work out for you, whatever you decide.

 

[flyaway2]

I'm going to ctb soon, whenever I am alone in the house. Recovery is impossible for me, I wish I'd never believed those people and tried to stick around. Just worthless, so much time wasted. The future I wanted is nothing but a pipe dream, it's not something someone like me can achieve. It took me long enough to realise that, but at least I know that now.

And as if the fact that I can't ctb this second isn't bad enough, I have a shit ton of assignments pending and I've fucked up my midterms already too. I don't need this stress, but I feel so guilty just giving up on college since I'm still alive. Maybe I should give up on it, it'll give me motivation to ctb. But I shouldn't give up on it, my teacher extended our deadline out of kindness and I feel bad letting them down. Why can't I fucking make a choice and stick with it?!

I just want some peace. It sucks that I have to die to get it.

Why not pay online guys to do your assignments? No more stress

 

[Shahanshah]

I'm going to ctb soon, whenever I am alone in the house. Recovery is impossible for me, I wish I'd never believed those people and tried to stick around. Just worthless, so much time wasted. The future I wanted is nothing but a pipe dream, it's not something someone like me can achieve. It took me long enough to realise that, but at least I know that now.

And as if the fact that I can't ctb this second isn't bad enough, I have a shit ton of assignments pending and I've fucked up my midterms already too. I don't need this stress, but I feel so guilty just giving up on college since I'm still alive. Maybe I should give up on it, it'll give me motivation to ctb. But I shouldn't give up on it, my teacher extended our deadline out of kindness and I feel bad letting them down. Why can't I fucking make a choice and stick with it?!

I just want some peace. It sucks that I have to die to get it.

my story is same as yours. Can you pm me let's discuss it.

 

[cii]

i'm honestly really happy i stubbled upon your thread. i'm in the same position and it feels good to know i'm not alone. i'm planning to ctb soon, so i can't find a point in continuing my college classes. i was actually planning on dropping out today so i can just stop thinking about it, but then i'd feel even worse about myself. i reached out to 3 out of 4 of my teachers and asked for an extension and they were all super understanding. so i feel the same, like i'm disappointing them or something. but the more time goes on, the more i realize there's absolutely no purpose in stressing over pointless assignments. to make matters worse i only have 3ish weeks left and i don't even have the motivation to pull through that. i've been beating myself up over it and i'm at a loss at what to do. do i stay in school and try my best for the next few weeks? or do i just completely stop and feel like shit about myself? it's not going to matter in the end, so why try?

I feel the same as you as well. It's so difficult to just give up, I also have only a month left.
But we wouldn't be doing well in those assignments anyways, so why not just stop? But also, maybe if we just pushed a little harder, it would feel so bad knowing we couldn't/didn't give it our all...
Honestly, this little loop of thoughts is hell. I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same thing, I wish there was a way to put a pause on all this until we feel better. If you dropped out, I hope you're feeling better! I am considering doing the same.

 

[flyaway2]

Hire online guys to do assignment for you. Some will even do exams 4 u.

 

[cii]

Hire online guys to do assignment for you. Some will even do exams 4 u.

One, I will lose what little respect I have for myself if I cheat, I don't like it when people do it personally. Two, I don't make enough to hire anyone, and lastly... They randomly select students and make you sit down with the teacher personally after the main exam and the teacher asks you questions, if you can't answer them they take it as you cheating in the exam and you get kicked out of the university immediately, no questions asked. I don't want to take my chances with such a thing. So if I have to study for the exam, I might as well do the assignments, but then problems arise and yeah... I don't want to restate the post.

 

[goodbyebunny]

I feel you. I'm in a similar boat with school. Hugs.

 

[flyaway2]

One, I will lose what little respect I have for myself if I cheat, I don't like it when people do it personally. Two, I don't make enough to hire anyone, and lastly... They randomly select students and make you sit down with the teacher personally after the main exam and the teacher asks you questions, if you can't answer them they take it as you cheating in the exam and you get kicked out of the university immediately, no questions asked. I don't want to take my chances with such a thing. So if I have to study for the exam, I might as well do the assignments, but then problems arise and yeah... I don't want to restate the post.

There's nothing wrong with cheating exams. That's how the real world works. i'd advise students the earlier they realise that, the better they'll be prepared for life outside school. I personally know parents who pay profs to pass their kids. Especially very rich parents. I know a guy who never attended classes, he paid his way through college, got fixed in a big corporate, funny thing he sued the company when it fired him and it paid him millions. His dad taught him how the system works.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

There's nothing wrong with cheating exams. That's how the real world works. i'd advise students the earlier they realise that, the better they'll be prepared for life outside school. I personally know parents who pay profs to pass their kids. Especially very rich parents. I know a guy who never attended classes, he paid his way through college, got fixed in a big corporate, funny thing he sued the company when it fired him and it paid him millions. His dad taught him how the system works.

That's not quite how it works in my part of the world.