Venting I wish I had been an abortion

[Incandescent]

I call my mother every week to tell her I hate being alive and wish I had been an abortion. I have blocked my sister and never want to hear from her again because I resent her for having a good life. I am 26 and dont have my own bed, let alone room or apartment. I live in my aunt's house, in the same bed as my father who has Parkinson's and is getting worse by the day. I don't want my life. I don't want to try to make it better. I have no friends and have never had a relationship. There is no help available and nothing that I want. I don't even pay rent but somehow i am losing money. I don't know how I will ever be able to follow through on following through successfully with CTB even though there is nothing else I want. I'm so tired and furious and I want to end it all but I just don't know how.

 

[SmollMushroom]

I'm in a similar condition, and my therapist suggests that I have to make peace with my relatives instead of making distance from them.

I'm not suggesting you to do that, imo my therapist is an idiot.

But, after all, that's an "expert" opinion, and I wanted to share their "wisdom" with you... Who knows, maybe that's really a way to improve one's situation...

 

[wheezle42]

Damn you struck a nerve here. I think about that all the time. "Wish I was never born", "Wish I had been aborted", "Wish I died at birth". Sometimes, and I know that's pushing it, I think how cruel you have to be to make a child in this world.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. It sounds like a nightmare situation.
I fully get how you feel about wishing you had been aborted.
I have been feeling this way for the vast majority of my life.
I never wanted this crap called existence, and never will do.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I just don't know what compells people (my own parents included) to have children, when they themselves have had a mediocre to bad life and know very well that the childen they give birth to have a very little chance of ever amounting to anything.

I'm in a similar condition, and my therapist suggests that I have to make peace with my relatives instead of making distance from them.

I'm not suggesting you to do that, imo my therapist is an idiot.

But, after all, that's an "expert" opinion, and I wanted to share their "wisdom" with you... Who knows, maybe that's really a way to improve one's situation...

Probably futile in this case. If the sister is off living a good life while he/she is left sharing a bed with an afflicted father, the sister probably doesn't care or ever will.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it's so dreadful feeling trapped in this existence, I wish that people were aware enough to leave the non-existent alone in peace and not curse them with the ability to suffer endlessly in this futile existence. It's beyond cruel how we cannot just easily die in peace.