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LivideLamb

LivideLamb

I'm so decaying, feeling like an ashtray
Jan 5, 2020
338
I feel like shooting myself in the head nearly everyday for the past two weeks. I guess I went from passively to actively suicidal

Sometimes I really wish I could paint the walls of a hotel room, or an airbnb, or my room red. I wish I had one wish, or perhaps a magical gun in my hands to finally end it with a big blow. I don't even care if it's going to be filthy and horribly traumatizing. Everyday is a struggle. I regret so many things and it's eating me alive. I don't know how to deal with intense regret. Perhaps someone has to deal with that too, maybe someone have some advices as well ?
 
I

iloverachel

Warlock
Mar 7, 2024
755
I feel like shooting myself in the head nearly everyday for the past two weeks. I guess I went from passively to actively suicidal

Sometimes I really wish I could paint the walls of a hotel room, or an airbnb, or my room red. I wish I had one wish, or perhaps a magical gun in my hands to finally end it with a big blow. I don't even care if it's going to be filthy and horribly traumatizing. Everyday is a struggle. I regret so many things and it's eating me alive. I don't know how to deal with intense regret. Perhaps someone has to deal with that too, maybe someone have some advices as well ?
I know how you feel I used to have a toy pistol that looked like the real thing and i would always aim and practise shooting myself with it, so that one day if i do get my hands on a real gun i won't be as scared. Sadly guns are highly regulated and almost impossible to get in my country
 
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LivideLamb

LivideLamb

I'm so decaying, feeling like an ashtray
Jan 5, 2020
338
Guns are also my preferred way to go - preferably in the woods on a beautiful summer day/evening. A click and it's over - if you do it right.
Exactly, one bang and boom you're out

I know how you feel I used to have a toy pistol that looked like the real thing and i would always aim and practise shooting myself with it, so that one day if i do get my hands on a real gun i won't be as scared. Sadly guns are highly regulated and almost impossible to get in my country
The toy gun is actually pretty smart. I never thought about that. Perhaps I could buy one and desensitize myself thag way. And, well, it's the same for me, highly regulated, it's a pain in the ass
 

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