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huntermellow
another bpd death statistic
- Aug 6, 2024
- 136
i want to die but i also don't. i wish i could've experienced a full happy life but i'm really not meant to be happy. everything just keeps getting worse every year. i'm kind of scared of dying. i want to be reincarnated and i hope i will be reincarnated as the person i've always wanted to be. but i'm scared of nothingness after death. i wish i didn't have to live a life full of regrets and mistakes. i hate who i am and i can never get over or recover from everything that's happened. i hate that i'll never be normal no matter how hard i try. i'm so unlovable i'm not even likeable. everyone always leaves me which just further confirms that i'm the problem. it's been proven time and time again that i will never be able to be happy or normal or be loved. i'll never have the life i desire. and even if i get cold feet and i don't kill myself the date of my ctb it will definitely happen one day. it's just my fate. i wish i could just see into my future to see if it's worth staying around longer. but the longer i stay around the more bad memories i'll make and the more people i'll meet that will just end up hating me. nothing will ever get better and even if it does it will just get taken away from me like it always does. this feeling will always come back. i don't want to live remembering everything. i don't want to live with this anxiety and depression and the fact that everyone leaves me and hates me. i don't want to live as myself. i don't want to keep living as someone's mistake and regret. i wish i could've experienced all the things i wanted to experience. but i'm glad i got to do some of the things i've always wanted to.