I wish I didn’t have to die alone

[justagreenleaf]

I wish someone could hold my hand in those last moments while I will probably be vomiting, retching and crying…. Someone who could tell me it will all be okay, and feel their warmth before I leave this world.
Having to face death alone in the near future terrifies me.

 

[Laba]

I can understand your fear well. To be honest, this is the biggest fear I've had in a long time. When the day comes that I die, no matter how, will I be all alone..?

 

[justagreenleaf]

Ever since I came into this world I have felt completely alone… and I will endure that loneliness even in those last moments of life, gasping for air. I'm sad for the little girl inside me who was once alive.

 

[OceanBlue]

I'm really sorry the society puts you in this situation where you are not able to get the comfort that you need in your last moment.

 

[justagreenleaf]

I'm really sorry the society puts you in this situation where you are not able to get the comfort that you need in your last moment.

Thank you. I feel the same for you.

 

[Laba]

I'm so sorry for you... I totally understand you. I also feel sorry for my inner child and I regret not being able to achieve more than I have. I wish I had had another life or never lived. Lone warriors like us go all alone to the end i guess...

 

[samishii]

I wish someone could hold my hand in those last moments while I will probably be vomiting, retching and crying…. Someone who could tell me it will all be okay, and feel their warmth before I leave this world.
Having to face death alone in the near future terrifies me.

It's quite weird for me- I used to want to die alone so that nobody is bothered by me. Now a part of me still wants that and the other part lives in agony of how I will die alone, lonely, with nobody to hold my hand, nobody to hug. It doesn't seem terrific to me, it just feels agonizing

 

[london3]

I wish someone could hold my hand in those last moments while I will probably be vomiting, retching and crying…. Someone who could tell me it will all be okay, and feel their warmth before I leave this world.
Having to face death alone in the near future terrifies me.

I am sorry you feel this way, we are here for you if you want to chat.

Have you thought about meeting a CTB partner from your country? some people do this and it gives them comfort that someone else is there

 

[justagreenleaf]

I am sorry you feel this way, we are here for you if you want to chat.

Have you thought about meeting a CTB partner from your country? some people do this and it gives them comfort that someone else is there

Please if someone from North America would be willing to do this, I would appreciate it. Don't have access to N only SN, so the fear and suffering would be alleviated by a comforting presence.

 

[london3]

Please if someone from North America would be willing to do this, I would appreciate it. Don't have access to N only SN, so the fear and suffering would be alleviated by a comforting presence.

The partners thread below you can post your needs and who you are looking for, you should get more responses. Also do not just meet a random person face to face make sure you screen them ask a lot of questions etc, video calls etc for safety

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...e-1-before-posting.1253/page-126#post-1633049

There is plenty more advice on the partners thread on how to stay safe etc as everyone is a stranger here

 

[Medicmedic72]

Please if someone from North America would be willing to do this, I would appreciate it. Don't have access to N only SN, so the fear and suffering would be alleviated by a comforting presence.

Which region of North America?

 

[justagreenleaf]

The partners thread below you can post your needs and who you are looking for, you should get more responses. Also do not just meet a random person face to face make sure you screen them ask a lot of questions etc, video calls etc for safety

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...e-1-before-posting.1253/page-126#post-1633049

There is plenty more advice on the partners thread on how to stay safe etc as everyone is a stranger here

Thank you so much!!! Just posted. :)

Which region of North America?

East Coast of Canada

 

[london3]

Thank you so much!!! Just posted. :)


East Coast of Canada

Your welcome

I wish you luck and please take the time to find the right person.

 

[Medicmedic72]

Thank you so much!!! Just posted. :)


East Coast of Canada

I'm on the east coast of America. I don't have a passport. Sorry.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish that we lived in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised and our right to die is respected. No one should have to die alone if that is what they want. I know that loneliness can be painful for many, and I'm sorry for the suffering that has brought you to this point. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

 

[Lost Magic]

I am bummed out by this as well. I have my N and my will in process for my hopes to go this year. I just wish, like you, that somebody was there with me in my final moments. I cry that so many have to leave this messed up world, alone and broken.

 

[justagreenleaf]

I am bummed out by this as well. I have my N and my will in process for my hopes to go this year. I just wish, like you, that somebody was there with me in my final moments. I cry that so many have to leave this messed up world, alone and broken.

I dream of having N but D is out until at least July and I'm devastated. I'm trying to hold on until then and it's horrible.

 

[Lost Magic]

I dream of having N but D is out until at least July and I'm devastated. I'm trying to hold on until then and it's horrible.

Yeah, I heard there was a major shortage of N. I am so sorry that you are going through all this pain. I do hope D restocks in July and you get your N. Have you considered looking into other methods as a backup? SN, Charcoal tent and inert gas comes to mind.

 

[justagreenleaf]

Yeah, I heard there was a major shortage of N. I am so sorry that you are going through all this pain. I do hope D restocks in July and you get your N. Have you considered looking into other methods as a backup? SN, Charcoal tent and inert gas comes to mind.

I have SN but I would love to painlessness and reliability of N. I'm praying for July restock. I want to leave so bad. Lying on my hospital bed now with my plush teddy and dreaming of my last moments of consciousness.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I am so sorry, solitude in death is something that is cruelly imposed upon those who end up leaving this world by their own hands. Someone posted an article here before, I believe from Vice, where a woman who would be receiving euthanasia held a "death day" gathering.

She was allowed spend her last moments surrounded by her cherished family and friends, smiling and laughing and soothed by great company before she left this world. I truly believe that everyone should have that privledge, no one deserves to die alone, afraid, and panicked.

Since you are in Canada, I believe you are eligible to ask about MAID, if you choose to go down that path. That's really the only current legal option for people who have their heart set on ctb and do not want to be alone.

 

[wljourney]

Since you are in Canada, I believe you are eligible to ask about MAID, if you choose to go down that path. That's really the only current legal option for people who have their heart set on ctb and do not want to be alone.

Not yet.
Unless they have another diagnosed illness that is "severe, incurable and irreversible" you can't apply for MAID until March 2023 (if the sole underlying illness is a mental illness).

And even then, the process takes about 10 months before actually receiving MAID.

Eligibility is very restrictive and only applies to patients who have suffered for years, have tried multiple drugs/therapies and whose functioning is severely limited (can't work, can't participate in social life etc).

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I wish someone could hold my hand in those last moments while I will probably be vomiting, retching and crying…. Someone who could tell me it will all be okay, and feel their warmth before I leave this world.
Having to face death alone in the near future terrifies me.

This is one of my biggest fears, too. I really wish someone could be with me to comfort me in my final moments; to make sure everything goes okay; to allow me to feel some sort of love before I leave this world.

But even ignoring the practicality of finding someone to trust with that task, it would be a horrible burden to put on someone.

Instead, I imagine that the best friend I lost when he was only 18 will somehow be with me in those final moments. That's how I've made peace with being alone in that moment. I hope you also find a way to make peace with it.

I remember this song from a song cycle I sang in my senior recital in college:

Ah! To be all alone in a little cell with nobody near me;
beloved that pilgrimage before the last pilgrimage to Death.
Singing the passing hours to cloudy Heaven;
feeding upon dry bread and water from the cold spring.
That will be an end to evil when I am alone
in a lovely little corner among tombs
Far from the houses of the great.
Ah! To be all alone in a little cell, to be alone, all alone:
Alone I came into the world,
Alone I shall go from it.
- Anonymous, 8th or 9th century

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

East Coast of Canada

Hello my fellow coastal Canuckian.

I've recently pulled myself back from the brink, so I'm not looking to ctb at this time, but if that's still your plan I hope you are able to find a partner to ease your path.