Venting I wish I could start over

[gingermacie]

I wish I could try again. With more wisdom, with parents who prioritized my issues and goals and provided me guidance. With a fresh face and new body unlike the one I've destroyed. Knowing that people are constantly selling me dreams that aren't real and how not all that glitters is gold.

Some of us are born lucky and they don't even realize how good they have it. A dysfunctional family usually means you're screwed even if you have money.

I just wish things were different.

 

[Dark Moon]

If I wasn't autistic, disabled, born into a wealthy loving family in the right country in a new face and body. I might try again.

My family wasn't dysfunctional but I wasn't born lucky.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't think I would. The world is crap and would still be.

 

[Alc0hol!€TeNd£Nc!e$]

These thoughts hit bigtime each night I lay in bed, the memories of my deceased father, how I could have lived if I had my looks back then, and how I screwed up my current life while my classmates are all married, having kids, going on vacations like my family did when I was young and how I'll never experience childhood again, my sick mom slowly withering of age and grief while I do my best at watching over the parent I have left and dealing with my own lonely issues that even my looks cannot solve, seizure attacks causing undesirablility in the dating market, I can't drive despite being taught and was so close to a license before these seizures happened and took everything away. I stopped drinking so much as my body had enough and my friends and loved ones slowly backed away from my side knowing the worst will eventually happen and they wish not to see it and leave. Many fear I'm going to die in the next few months to couple years. I get these thoughts and they are the most crushing feeling one soul can experience