Venting I wish I could just end it

[untildeathdousapart]

It's been so long. Tomorrow it will mark 10 months since my best friend has passed. Since my life broke down and everything has changed for the worse. I've been struggling for the past 5 years already, but it's been even worse since her death. I horribly miss her. Her laugh, her jokes, our deep talks.. just her. She lit up my world, she made me feel hope again.
I don't want to live anymore. I havent want to for years but now the wish is even stronger. I'm scared to attempt, not because of death itself but because of the consequences i may bear if i should fail. This feels so endless, the pain and the anger. I just want to die, I wish i could snap my fingers and drop dead, that would be the best way to go out. I dream of her all the time, i think of her every second its unbearable.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting to be free from all the suffering, I also wish ceasing to exist is as straightforward as just choosing to be gone and it feels so cruel to me how it isn't. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[SVEN]

So many on this site feel this way, and yet Governments and Administrations just seek to make it even more challenging to find everlasting rest.