I wish I could have one last chat with my friends and family without them stopping me from ctb. Like a long conversation to discuss all of our good times and bad, a chance for me to try to answer their questions and make them feel a tiny bit easier about my death. I would love to also tell one of my parents how much I hate them and how much they have hurt me. I would wanna have one last laugh with my friends. I plan to ctb soon (SN is easy to access in my country) and I wanna talk to one of my friends before going but I'm sure if I do she might catch on and call the police.
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DrownFeather
The proudest communist feather ever
- Apr 7, 2022
- 184
Im sorry for you, i wish i could too, it's impossible, their love can't accept that you will go, I don't blame them but it's just dream we all will die alone
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,290
I do wish that we lived in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised and our right to die is respected and we can talk openly about our plans to ctb. I do think that it would help those left behind with their grief. It is a sad world that we live in where we have to keep everything to ourselves. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
There are some things here that could be done if youe are careful, like reminiscing if done carefully as well as a last laugh. The rest could be left in a note, but you'd have to be careful it isn't found early.
I've never been much into notes. I've written a lot of them but they never made it to the recipient. Most of them are old. The most I do is text I love u but I did that when I was 16. I'm too scared of ppl stopping me but I would feel too emotional writing notes, and I want to leave this world in a more or less content mood. I'm 20 now and I don't have any more will to live or try to do it. I've done it for long enough. Tbf most ppl in my life know that I'm suicidal, and I feel terrible to have traumatised them to some extent but I hope they respect my decision to go. I have BPD and it's hell. I've been alone in a foreign country since the age of 11 and I'm burned out.
Since you're so young it's worth it to consdier- how there been any sparks of hope in your life, are there are things that if they really went well might help to turn things around? AT a young age like this the world offers a lot of opportunity if you can get into a stable situation, but that's not easy to do when things are already so difficult.
Yeah well I know I'm young but I'm not underage or a teenager. I wish I had a lot of opportunity and I wanted to do something other than ctb like running away or disappearing but I don't have the skills to provide for myself or a lot of countries I could settle in. My family is hard to deal with and so is my mental illness. The only time I feel a bit okay is when I'm high. I haven't had access to drugs for a while which is whats driving me to ctb. I tried 5 days ago but failed but now I'll do a more effective method. I don't deserve to live with this prison of a mind.
I do support choice for ctb at an adult age, it's just that you want to be pretty sure it's the right decision. Maybe something like friendships could help.
Well I've already attempted 3 times since the age of 16. I have great friends like the best, they r like family to me. But that doesn't help much cos it doesn't fix my brain. What do u think is an appropriate age to ctb cos I've wandered what ppl think
As fara s when it is appropriate that is each person's choice, no one can say for you when the pain is too much. But the world offers so much more to those under age 30 that it's worth it to hang on and try options to make life better if you can. Having great friends is a huge resource that can possibly help. BPD is, in my experience (and I'm sure other people have different opinions) not a condition that stays the same but it is dependent on your situation largely. If you moved in with friends, friends who would let you have down time or alone time when you need it, maybe this could alleviate stress a lot and bpd symptoms could diminish a lot. BPD is not a permanent condition, it is fluid, based on my experience.
I mean in psychiatric terms BPD can get better but most ppl will suffer from their symptoms for most of their life. I'm not a doctor but I've read a lot about it. I wish I could live with my friends but all my friends are in a foreign country I can't live in without a visa.
Bpd really isn't a permanent condition if a person's situation gets enough better. I don't trust psychiatrists much on Bpd, because they prescribe medications that are profitable but don't help in most cases. The cases of bpd typically have nothing to do with a chemical imbalance- they can never show by a test any kind of a chemical imbalance. Bpd tend s to be caused by key things that are wrong in persons' life- financial issues, physical health issues, or scoial connections that are not strong enough or positive enough- friends, family, and a relationship. The mosr these key areas can improve the less Bpd will be an issue typically.
We r talking about borderline personality disorder right? Because that's not how that works. We get episodes of depression, and 'high mood' episodes. We r impulsive and tend to self harm, we can lash out at ppl. Not all of these can be helped by the factors u mentioned.
Well I was thinking about bi-polar disorder, but it sounds about the same. Maybe some medications help in cases like this, but in the situations I have seen if you stabliize the main areas of life symptoms lessen or go away- each person's experience can vary, though.
Bipolar is a mood disorder, borderline is a personality disorder. Two different things and they have some similarities but they are very different.
I did review the basic symptoms for borderline personality disorder and I do think that getting these main areas of life as stable as possible at least has a chance to help.
I don't want to be rude but are u a psychologist, psychiatrist or someone who has researched BPD heavily? My life is fine in most areas, I just can't function. Reading some symptoms doesn't give u proper understanding of one of the most complex psychiatric disorders.
No I've just had experience with some of these things and I've known others who have as well- I'm just tryinjg to do my best to help. You should be careful around psychiatrists though, the whole profession is based on very dubious science, especially in relation to depression. They are more helpful in situations like schizophrenia but not so much in relation to depression from what i have seen.
