Venting I wish I could die tonight.

[homesoon.]

I keep trying, and it seems fucking pointless. I have access to the method, but I can't get over personal reasons to just not do it. I can't express how many times I have considered just saying fuck it and paying for a hotel room to cbt in and just being done. I've considered many methods, and SN seems to be the most "peaceful" method I have access to/least afraid to utilize. I'm so fucking thankful for the shelf life of sn, but I simultaneously wish that you could be drunk when using sn; it would be so much easier if you could lower your inhibitions, like with other methods. I feel like I'm one more shitty thing away from just fucking doing it.

 

[iloverachel]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much
I hope you find peace

 

[stuck_here]

Its okay, don't curse yourself, we all feel the same way, I know how tough is it to battle the survival instinct, I hope and pray the suffering ends for you some day or the other.