nightlygem
La Joya
- Sep 27, 2023
- 184
Me and my partner have had arguments and lots of serious discussions with each other because of how they feel that they're not loved. That I cannot love them because I can't love myself.
And I know this to be true. It's hard to trust them because I can't trust myself. It's hard to reach out to them because I can barely reach out to others. It's hard for me to care for them when I do not care for myself.
I want to recover and be better for my partner, but I also am coming to the realization that If I don't get any better, CTB may be my best option. I know it's a stupid decision, and they will feel lots of responsibility for what I will have done, but I feel like I'm proving them right. They got irritated with me and said I broke their trust when I confided in someone else for comfort when I was impulsively trying to ctb. I thought: maybe I should've ended my life right then and there. so that none of this could have happened.
"I sought someone else's comfort, which means I could end up seeking pleasure and comfort from other people". That's their logic. Now I've completely broken their trust and I'm doing everything I can do gain it back. I broke our promise…
I'm at a loss. I will continue to try to improve my relationship with them and myself, but I also feel like disappearing will set them free from the torture that is myself.
And I know this to be true. It's hard to trust them because I can't trust myself. It's hard to reach out to them because I can barely reach out to others. It's hard for me to care for them when I do not care for myself.
I want to recover and be better for my partner, but I also am coming to the realization that If I don't get any better, CTB may be my best option. I know it's a stupid decision, and they will feel lots of responsibility for what I will have done, but I feel like I'm proving them right. They got irritated with me and said I broke their trust when I confided in someone else for comfort when I was impulsively trying to ctb. I thought: maybe I should've ended my life right then and there. so that none of this could have happened.
"I sought someone else's comfort, which means I could end up seeking pleasure and comfort from other people". That's their logic. Now I've completely broken their trust and I'm doing everything I can do gain it back. I broke our promise…
I'm at a loss. I will continue to try to improve my relationship with them and myself, but I also feel like disappearing will set them free from the torture that is myself.
