I went to the cemetery

[Ellipsis]

I went to the cemetery and I felt something very strange. A great feeling of peace, of plenitude. I know that not all the people who died wanted it, some of them died of old age, others young. Some have had difficult lives, others happier I imagine. But I couldn't help thinking that I wanted to be in their place, forgotten and at peace. I tell myself that in 200 years no one will know who I was, that I died young, all my suffering will have disappeared. I am completely confused about life. Why did you bring me into this world? I hate myself, I have an immeasurable disgust with myself. My heart hurts all the time. I always feel bad, ridiculous and disgusted.

I have everything for CTB : SN, antiemetics, benzo, propranolol, painkillers. Getting calls from the suicide hotline lately makes me feel even worse because I was finally ready. I was at peace to go, I had prepared my CTB for months and now it all becomes concrete. I have to find the courage to do it. I want to make an attempt and would like to fall asleep peacefully to nothingness.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I've walked through many a cemetery in the past several years, too. The feeling of peace and serenity is quite palpable. Certainly, many there did not want to go there, at least not when they did. My cousin, who was like my brother, is one of those. He did not want to die. He had been beating cancer successfully for the previous 16+ years prior to his death when a tiny microbe invaded his body, and because his immune system was non-existent, he wasn't able to ward off the invisible killer that invaded his system. No, he didn't want to die. He had been through a lot and still he fought with everything he had. He liked living, although his life was far from perfect and was filled with many trials and tribulations, just as so many of us face.

I go to the cemetery and I can see the small piece of dirt which will be my final resting place. Actually, I'll be on top of the dirt, my ashes encapsulated within a small niche in a piece of granite connected to the monument of my mother. It is quite surreal, really. Soon, I'll have a marker there bearing my name and the date of my birth. I wish I could have found a good way to have the date of my death inscribed previous to my exit, but that would, surely, have set off too many alarm bells, so that will have to be taken care of after I'm gone. And yes, everyone there is eventually forgotten. Actually, with no one left in my family, I'll have already reached that point as soon as I'm paced in my final resting place, and that is OK. It's really no different than the now existence I have for me, just a change of scenery, I suppose.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that there is nothing more ideal than being permanently gone from this world where everything that this life has burdened us with will be long forgotten about. It's all that I wish for and I always feel so much envy towards those people who are at rest. I would never even wish to be remembered like how people in cemeteries are, I want it to be like I never existed at all, there is nothing worth remembering. But words cannot really describe my dislike for existing and how much I hate being here. Your feelings are understandable, I do believe that to not exist is the most ideal situation to be in, as with the absence of everything comes the inability to suffer. It's a burden to have to exist and be aware of this world, the only true relief lies in the thought of being gone where there are no worries, no concerns and not even the awareness that we are dead.

 

[Ellipsis]

I've walked through many a cemetery in the past several years, too. The feeling of peace and serenity is quite palpable. Certainly, many there did not want to go there, at least not when they did. My cousin, who was like my brother, is one of those. He did not want to die. He had been beating cancer successfully for the previous 16+ years prior to his death when a tiny microbe invaded his body, and because his immune system was non-existent, he wasn't able to ward off the invisible killer that invaded his system. No, he didn't want to die. He had been through a lot and still he fought with everything he had. He liked living, although his life was far from perfect and was filled with many trials and tribulations, just as so many of us face.

I go to the cemetery and I can see the small piece of dirt which will be my final resting place. Actually, I'll be on top of the dirt, my ashes encapsulated within a small niche in a piece of granite connected to the monument of my mother. It is quite surreal, really. Soon, I'll have a marker there bearing my name and the date of my birth. I wish I could have found a good way to have the date of my death inscribed previous to my exit, but that would, surely, have set off too many alarm bells, so that will have to be taken care of after I'm gone. And yes, everyone there is eventually forgotten. Actually, with no one left in my family, I'll have already reached that point as soon as I'm paced in my final resting place, and that is OK. It's really no different than the now existence I have for me, just a change of scenery, I suppose.

What you say resonates with me: I too saw myself at my grave, or in my funeral urn, in peace. Although I don't have a funeral plot or a family vault, I could already see myself there. I felt this need to end here, but with a lot of happiness and benevolence towards all the people who were there. I felt that the "souls" were at peace. there was a real magic with the rays of the sun passing through the trees.

I think that there is nothing more ideal than being permanently gone from this world where everything that this life has burdened us with will be long forgotten about. It's all that I wish for and I always feel so much envy towards those people who are at rest. I would never even wish to be remembered like how people in cemeteries are, I want it to be like I never existed at all, there is nothing worth remembering. But words cannot really describe my dislike for existing and how much I hate being here. Your feelings are understandable, I do believe that to not exist is the most ideal situation to be in, as with the absence of everything comes the inability to suffer. It's a burden to have to exist and be aware of this world, the only true relief lies in the thought of being gone where there are no worries, no concerns and not even the awareness that we are dead.

I too wish I had never existed. And since that is not possible, I would like that at the time of my death, all my belongings, my photos would be burned: that there would be nothing left to testify to my presence on Earth. I would also like all the people who knew me and who had memories of me to forget these memories, like amnesia. But that too is impossible. I think I would quickly be forgotten: I have no children and most of my family (uncles, cousins) are older than me so when they are all dead, it will be over.
I hate the fact of being aware that our brain is constantly working, even in dreams for example. Courage to you.

 

[Ligottian]

Last spring, I visited an older, small cemetery in a relatively secluded spot. When I stepped out of my car I looked down and saw a used condom and an empty box of them next to it. The sick irony.

 

[foreverfalling]

Cemeteries are great places to hang out. In addition to the quiet reflective atmosphere, there is always something interesting to look at. The many different styles of head stones, to reading the stories on them, as well as the vast amount of decorations. There are also toilet facilities to use.

Good luck with your attempt, may it go well.

 

[Rational man]

Ive walked through London Highgate, but my favourite is Père-Lachaise , Paris. Jim Morrison RIP there. Though i find cemeteries interesting i find it strange that many people cling on to their relatives by way of a tombstone. We all die and where our remains are is irrelevant. Ive no idea where my parent's RIP, and my dust is to be sprinkled into a river in England. When im gone, thats it. Im recycled within nature perhaps as fish food which would be good.

 

[Ellipsis]

Ive walked through London Highgate, but my favourite is Père-Lachaise , Paris. Jim Morrison RIP there. Though i find cemeteries interesting i find it strange that many people cling on to their relatives by way of a tombstone. We all die and where our remains are is irrelevant. Ive no idea where my parent's RIP, and my dust is to be sprinkled into a river in England. When im gone, thats it. Im recycled within nature perhaps as fish food which would be good.

Indeed, I would not like to have a tombstone. These funeral rites only serve those who remain, the deceased has already left for a long time. But there is still a nice atmosphere.

 

[AreWeWinning]

I like to walk in the cemetery. I visited some during this summer multiple times. It's a weird, thought inspiring experience.

There is one around where I live that is very big and has lots of trees between the graves. It's very nice. The whole area is so big that they don't need to recycle old spots, so some areas are completely overgrown with nature. I like to walk in there and sit down in front random graves and wonder about what the life of those people could have been like.

Those people had their own dreams, fears and struggles in their lives. They had their childhood once and looked at the world with awe and wonder. They had their first love. They grew up and had children of their own, worried about the future of their children, struggled with work, had grandchildren etc. etc. And where are they now? Dead. Gone forever. They don't matter. No-one thinks about them anymore.

Their problems, feelings, their life were important at the time for them and for the people around them. But now, they are just a name on a tombstone, covered in moss, and no-one even knows who they were.

The only thing that remains is their legacy. Their children, grandchildren, or great-grandchildren. The love they gave to their children that resulted in those children becoming healthy adults themselves, capable of raising the next generation. The legacy of their work, small or big. Whatever they did, it somehow helped propel the world around them forward.

Our lives don't matter. We are just a small cogwheel in society. If we die, the world goes on as if nothing had happened. Your relatives or family may be sad for a while, but they'll be fine. And their lives don't matter either. In few hundred years, everyone around you will be dead and no-one will care whether these people existed in the first place.

It is fascinating to think about. And also, very sad at the same time. This is how I feel.

 

[Ellipsis]

I like to walk in the cemetery. I visited some during this summer multiple times. It's a weird, thought inspiring experience.

There is one around where I live that is very big and has lots of trees between the graves. It's very nice. The whole area is so big that they don't need to recycle old spots, so some areas are completely overgrown with nature. I like to walk in there and sit down in front random graves and wonder about what the life of those people could have been like.

Those people had their own dreams, fears and struggles in their lives. They had their childhood once and looked at the world with awe and wonder. They had their first love. They grew up and had children of their own, worried about the future of their children, struggled with work, had grandchildren etc. etc. And where are they now? Dead. Gone forever. They don't matter. No-one thinks about them anymore.

Their problems, feelings, their life were important at the time for them and for the people around them. But now, they are just a name on a tombstone, covered in moss, and no-one even knows who they were.

The only thing that remains is their legacy. Their children, grandchildren, or great-grandchildren. The love they gave to their children that resulted in those children becoming healthy adults themselves, capable of raising the next generation. The legacy of their work, small or big. Whatever they did, it somehow helped propel the world around them forward.

Our lives don't matter. We are just a small cogwheel in society. If we die, the world goes on as if nothing had happened. Your relatives or family may be sad for a while, but they'll be fine. And their lives don't matter either. In few hundred years, everyone around you will be dead and no-one will care whether these people existed in the first place.

It is fascinating to think about. And also, very sad at the same time. This is how I feel.

It's very beautiful what you say, and very real too. That's what I think. Many tombs are completely abandoned. All that remains is the name and the years of birth and death to testify to the existence of a person. Nothing else, everything is so quickly erased.

 

[Green Destiny]

This post made me realize that I should stop by some nearby cemeteries. I like the quiet ambiance they have. Like a protective bubble that shields the outside world. There's a very large cemetery a few miles from my house and it's quite beautiful, just rows of graves.

 

[AreWeWinning]

This post made me realize that I should stop by some nearby cemeteries. I like the quiet ambiance they have. Like a protective bubble that shields the outside world. There's a very large cemetery a few miles from my house and it's quite beautiful, just rows of graves.

I think it definitely helps. If your life has value and meaning, walking in the cemetery helps to realize how precious and temporary life is. Or if your life is meaningless, or you are determined to ctb, it helps to realize that it's not that big of a deal. Helps to come to peace with it.

 

[outrider567]

Used to work in a cemetery a long time ago in my early 20's in Oklahoma City, 30,000 buried there--Wouldn't go near one now, since I already picked out my outside mausoleum spot

 

[gimzero]

I go to every day and i feel that people forget.

 

[Ellipsis]

I go to every day and i feel that people forget.

I also have the feeling that they are all forgotten. The tombs are abandoned, poorly maintained. Very few are in bloom apart from those whose people died recently (from 2019 to 2022). But all the graves that date from before 2017 are completely forgotten. On the one hand, it reassures me to tell myself that I would surely be forgotten quickly, which is my objective.

 

[BeanyBoo]

Cemeteries are great places to hang out. In addition to the quiet reflective atmosphere, there is always something interesting to look at. The many different styles of head stones, to reading the stories on them, as well as the vast amount of decorations. There are also toilet facilities to use.

Good luck with your attempt, may it go well.

I totally agree and I'm always thankful for toilet facilities. . . In all sincerity.

 

[hellispink]

I always look at cemeteries every time I see one. They indeed stunning. Worse are we here the living ones in such deep pain.