Just got home from town where I went to a mountain that is 53 meters above sea level. The problem was it wasn't steep enough so not suitable to jump from. Also when I got close to the edge I got this terrible fear from the height and like a voice in me that said "I want to live". But I want to die right now because for at least a year I've spent 3-4 hours in bed upon waking just staring into to the wall.
I don't have a job and been living on a passive income that barely requires me to do anything. I think this has contributed to my depression, however I was depressed when working also and I think I quit because I removed my bad energy from the herd.
I have bipolar disorder and according to a doctor depression can last for years in such cases. I've been depressed for the most part of 21 years and really should end it all.
I think I have brain damage from the depression and from all the manic and psychotic episodes I've had, which are like at least 13 where I've been committed to psych ward. My brain does not feel good at all and the worst part is I feel like I've lost a part of my consciousness that directs my will. I have much anxiety about this. Something is terribly wrong.
I don't have a job and been living on a passive income that barely requires me to do anything. I think this has contributed to my depression, however I was depressed when working also and I think I quit because I removed my bad energy from the herd.
I have bipolar disorder and according to a doctor depression can last for years in such cases. I've been depressed for the most part of 21 years and really should end it all.
I think I have brain damage from the depression and from all the manic and psychotic episodes I've had, which are like at least 13 where I've been committed to psych ward. My brain does not feel good at all and the worst part is I feel like I've lost a part of my consciousness that directs my will. I have much anxiety about this. Something is terribly wrong.
